Passing Over Passover

Day 337 - Tuna and Salad Sandwich

Image by JoeGray via Flickr

It’s a big year for change and not something fabulous like: “OMG, we won 230 million dollars in the lottery.” I wish. My husband, after two years of unemployment, finally found a job three months ago. “Be careful what you wish for” because at the moment (and for a few more months) he is working in Buffalo, NY coming home only on weekends. “Not that there is anything wrong with that” as Jerry Seinfeld used to say but it’s about an 8 or 9 hour drive away from home or a one hour plane ride away and another hour and a half for traffic. Good news: he has a job, Bad news: location, undesirable. Having a job is the most important thing, of all people we know that. Trust me. However, I have a chronic pain disease, Fibromyalgia and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and being home with two teenagers and a dog, all the time is hard on me physically.

My son is graduating high school in less than two months. This is a big change, HUGE. Our first child going away to college is an enormous change for the entire family and yes, especially for me, his mom. I burst into tears at random times and yet when he is taunting me and acting arrogant I think, ‘it’s really time for him to go.’  I KNOW he is ready to go and he can’t wait. It’s just a little more difficult for the parents and sister he is leaving behind. All I want for him is to be happy but I can’t help feeling a little sad, selfishly for me. My daughter will be a senior in high school next year, only one grade year apart from her brother but in actuality almost two years apart in age. I can’t wait for her to have the limelight in her own family. I was also the youngest sibling in my family; I know how she feels.

Another change: my nephew is  graduating college this year and when I heard him say on the weekly radio show he hosts that there were only 3″ Grand Avenue Freezeout”  shows  left, forever, I burst into tears. Thank you Jon, for playing and dedicating the song Birds to me by Neil Young.  At least when one cousin goes to college, another one will come home. There is a little comfort in that.

My mother has had a horrible year so far because she first broke her wrist and several weeks later she fell down two stairs and broke two of her vertebrae in her back. Right after that, she got a nasty flu with a high temperature. Then she had to take some medicine that she really didn’t want to take. She has never had anything like this before and it took a great toll on her. This was a horrible and long time period and we were all very worried. Finally, she’s a little better but it was frightening.

It’s Passover and while we are not a religious family  my mom was right when she said “Families should be together on all holidays” this was generally our tradition until the cousins got older and one by one are in college. With my husband away, my kids spending all their free time with their friends on their Spring Break, sharing a tuna sandwich with my dog, Callie, did not cut it. I missed everyone and felt sorry for myself. It wasn’t the religious aspect as much but it was more that I was alone and the lack of loved ones sitting close to me that I dearly missed. It’s hard to be home alone on any holiday. Mom, I understand that more now. You were right and I was wrong, this one is for you, with great love.

10 thoughts on “Passing Over Passover

  1. Dear (fill in YOUR name so there’s no mistake),
    I hereby apologize for calling you (fill in the name). It was unthinking, unseemly, insensitive, and crass.
    This is apology # (fill in the number).
    Appallingly yours,
    Judy

    Please do not reproduce without written consent from whats-her-name.

    • Dear Whoever You Are, I just need to know if you said I love you to her or to me. Or both. Don’t toy with our emotions.There is some serious bonding going on. love, Me (or Her)

      Love, Laurie

  2. LAURIE, LAURIE, LAURIE,
    My brain is fried, my fingers are following my fried brain. And I keep calling you Maureen/Mo
    Are you sure it isn’t a pen name and you have more than one blog? Or am I experiencing early onset dementia? I hope it’s the former but I fear the latter.

    So I repeat.
    My heart goes out to you Laurie, that’s a ton of loss that you have no control over And you have ever right to feel sorry for yourself
    I love you,
    Judy

  3. Our family stopped having Sedars when I was about 10 years old. My Uncle died of a heart attack in the middle of the meal. I’m not making a joke- it’s true. I think that none of the adults could bring themselves to being reminded of his death every Passover. I was too young to understand but as you said “Mom I understand that now”.

    You are experiencing a lot of loss and pending loss, and experiencing it alone. My heart goes out to you Maureen. Firsts are the worst but understanding that doesn’t make it easier.
    with love,
    Judy

    • Judy, who I love dearly. this is one MO too many! But, since MO is also a friend of mine…..I will forgive you. Next time, I will cry. good heavens what happens if Mo and I go to the same retreat with you???!!! That would be amazing and we really could freak you out. Is there any more info on if it is a possibility? LOVE LAURIE NOT MO or

      lovelaurienotmo

      Love, Laurie

  4. PS: hit enter too soon. Meant to add that I was sorry you missed out on a holiday with your hubby. That must be the first time, and that can’t be easy!

  5. For me, then, holidays doesn’t mean families, but I can certainly understand why folks would feel strongly about being with family on special days.
    Coming from a weirdly dysfunctional family, holidays don’t bring to mind family — beyond my parents — without a shudder or two. After my dad died, for awhile mom spent holidays with her adopted family. Gradually, she stopped that. I’ve been included in some of these gatherings, where the sense of family is very important.
    For me, since 2003, I’ve been spending some holidays with my husband’s extended family (had visited over holiday season once or twice in the past). Often these gatherings are frought with the weird tensions and dramas that this family seems to thrive on.
    Hubby and I, as social dyslexics, don’t mind spending holidays just with each other — or even apart. Perhaps this is because we just don’t get into any holiday spirit. LOL :)

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