Oprah’s White Coach-(freudian) Couch

November 4, 2009

Oprah’s white couch, Oprah’s white couch, Oprah’s white couch…..oh sorry, I guess I was in my dream mantra. I see myself sitting next to Oprah on her (duh) white couch. Wow, I have made it! I’m sitting next to Oprah (why I am not sure). But, who cares? IT”S OPRAH, I adore the woman and the show but I do miss the spiritual themes. The fashion accessories to a boring wife-mom like me is just not happening. If she could find me a pair of high heeled shoes (love that red bottom, it smells so expensive!) I’d pretty much give up a lot. Not to mention, I also need that bra intervention, jean intervention, make up intervention (I wear none) and every other intervention you can imagine. I’m not dissing myself but to me, fancy shoes are clogs. Really. If she like my writing, I would kiss the floor of her studio, I really would. I don’t have one of those posters she wants people to make but I have some ideas on my head. Life goals? I never had any but I am a little left back on these concepts and it takes me about 15 years after everyone else understands. Things I want to do in my lifetime? NOT BE humiliated in a pottery studio. I want to be like Demi Moore in Ghost but the only time I took a pottery class, the teacher yelled at me because I was so slow and couldn’t even do the manual snake roll. I quit. Shouldn’t have, I admit but I did. NOT GOOD WITH REJECTION. I also had a life goal of twigs that I thought of last night but have no clue what that represented. Maybe it was a dream?

Had a restless night with my husband, sleeping next to me, and flipping and flopping like a fish could in a net. I shoved, I pushed, I was cranky, and ended up with my torn ligament (guilt) moving to the one little spare room we have.  Tried to sleep there but couldn’t. Needless to say when he got up at 6am -AND he didn’t know I had gone missing (what woman could do that?) I crawled into our bed, now empty and went to sleep until I heard my sister come in the front door to visit me.

Sister=Mother

the same personality. In my mom’s “mouse fiasco” my sister agreed with her. Not a surprise. I really miss my dad. He has been dead 8 years now and sometimes it still is a complete shock to me. I don’t think it ever really sinks in completely. I adored my dad and we were so similiar, we understood each other with a glance. He would NOT have given away MY MOUSE!! He would have defended that mouse…and me. The good old days. No one can ever say “I know how you feel” if they haven’t lost a parent.  Trust me I know. I still think I see him sometimes on the streets, sometimes I just wake up and shake my head and think but he can’t be dead, how can he be dead. Now Life is before and after. Grief is an all consuming thing, it does get better but does not ever go away entirely. Sorry to be a downer but…….it happens. and…I so want to make my new friend laugh. I think I better wait till next time.

One more bit of personal trivia: my husband said he read my blog last night. He said it showed my sense of humor and that it HAD TYPOS. Yes, my friends, you will see typos and grammatical errors but this is not a book ready for publication it is a blog so bear with me. If I have to think of correcting and revising you would have stilted Laurie and we know, Laurie can’t really be stilted or stifled. Enough of that….people who know me know I have a big mouth, I’m  a Libra and I stick up for justice. Also, I am SUPER protective of those I love, family and friends. THAT won’t change.  More later.

2 thoughts on “Oprah’s White Coach-(freudian) Couch

  1. it doesn’t matter WHO you lose, it’s all about losing. doesn’t have to be a parent, could be anyone….don’t diminish your own grief. and yes, death not only brings out the worst in people–because they are embarassed or don’t know what to say or do….it also brings out the best. i realized i knew who my true friends were.I had a friend that would just come over and let me cry on her shoulder, that meant more to me than any sympathy card signed with “condolences, from __ to __”
    I remember I was in the grocery store, going down the aisles when I saw a product my dad used to love. I literally stopped and sobbed. for quite awhile. People looked at me and looked away (what a loony, they probably thought). all I wanted was one person to ask what was wrong..there was this sweet grandma lady standing there and i prayed that she would come over and give me a hug. she didn’t. maybe I should have asked her but I was so consumed with my grief that I didn’t think of that.
    as for the mouse, i hate to admit but I hold a grudge sometimes. I still want MY Mouse or at least an acknowledgement from my mother that she was wrong.
    That will NEVER happen. But on we go…….you lift up my spirits.

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  2. Girl… you are honest… and you are true… and you are RIGHT! Do we give a damn about typos?? NO! We want you to be who you are in your blog!

    I feel your pain. I haven’t lost a parent, thankfully. But I will share with you… in the last 5 years, I have lost… starting with my very close friend the first year, then after that my grandmother the second year, then after that my aunt, my uncle, my godmother, my aunt, my aunt, my uncle, my grandmother-in-law, my very close friend, my very close friend’s daughter… every 3-4 months someone very close to me passed away. I was in and out of hospitals and making scrapbook collages and going to funerals… the tears just come thinking about it. If the phone rings before 7am, i get this sick feeling in my stomache.

    And… death brings out the worst in people… it’s a sad thing, but folk just don’t know how to act. But I won’t go into that…

    I got off track there.. the point I was really trying to get at… Never ever compromise what you want to say in your blog! That’s your personal place…

    It’s so funny, I can relate to everything you said about Oprah… and I’ve been sleeping on the couch for a couple weeks now since the insomnia has been so bad. One of us has to sleep!

    I do know every day is a new day. Let’s stay positive… you inspire me… go get your own mouse, a better mouse, one that is your own. Doesn’t even have to be “a mouse”, just symbolic, right? then you can close that chapter and let it go… carrying that around can be heavy and you have enough of your own stuff to deal with with your medical crap… don’t let anyone else “add” to it!

    Now you GO GIRL!

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