Pain, Feels Like Old Times

This morning, I tried to get out of bed, tried being the operative word. I felt like I did when my Fibromyalgia was in full bloom. Not that it is in any way anecdotal to flowers, delicacy or beauty. I feel like old times. The hard part is that I don’t know if this is a flare-up, even though I am still taking my medications. The only one I haven’t been taking recently is the Estrogel, a gel that you put on your arms used for Hormone Replacement Therapy. Could that be a cause for what I am feeling?

When you hurt all over, and struggle to get up the stairs,  when you don’t know where the pain and aches are coming from you feel even more at a loss.  I went away for a few days over the holidays, we took a plane, could it be a bug that I caught from the plane? It’s so hard to diagnose yourself when you have a multitude of factors. I feel like I have the flu again, without the temperature. Exactly the same as when I had Fibromyalgia which my autoimmunologist says is “a lazy diagnosis. ” He is treating my auti-immune disease (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis) with immuno-suppresant drugs, which, of course, have side effects too.

I am sitting or rather lying in my bed afraid to move a muscle. Every muscle and bone in my body is in pain right now and I haven’t felt this way in a long time. It gives me time to appreciate how well I was doing compared to this but I am now questioning what got me here? Sometimes, those of us with chronic pain, unfortunately, blame ourselves. That is where I stand right now. Motionless, covered by piles of blankets and feeling upset, both physically and psychologically. I blame myself for stopping the HRT when I did not hear back from my Dr.  I blame the weather, it’s nasty cold snap feels like it’s physical abuse, striking me all over my body. It could be something, It could be nothing; the reality is, I honestly don’t know.

Do I start reapplying the HRT gel when this could be a virus? I forgot how bad I felt before, and I am not happy to have a reminder.  Do I continue the HRT when inherently I am not comfortable taking bio -identical hormones? I don’t know what I have or what to do. I don’t want to take more and more medicine but frankly today I am a complete mess. When I took Advil I felt better, apparently it has worn off. I feel scared and vulnerable all over again, I want to hide under my pink fuzzy blankets. I want to lie still, as still as the night, to try and assess what I’m feeling and why. The truth of the matter is I may never know, and I feel incredibly helpless and alone.

2 thoughts on “Pain, Feels Like Old Times

  1. I’m sending you a virtual hug {{{{Laurie}}}}}} Hang in there. I know it’s tough when, even with medication, the pain overtakes you. Try to own the pain, rather than it owing you. I know that somes simpler than the actual process is.
    Have you tried Voltran? It’s a prescription anlesgic [sic] (based on ?) rub that I use on my neck, face, and whatever body part happens to hurt. If you have problems with ASA or ibprofin [sic] or the other pain relievers, you may not be able to use it. Voltran is for osteoarthitis, [sic] but my dr. suggested I try it. Some of the neck issues are based on arthitis [sic] anyway.
    Would a hot bath help? You’ve probably already tried that suggestion, but it can be therapeutic.
    Sorry about all the misspelling — I wanted to send you that hug immediately rather than compose, cut and paste.
    Will write again soon,’
    Phylor
    My thoughts are with you. Let me know how you are doing.

    Like

    • thanks for the hug! i needed it and am grateful for it. i don’t know what happened, my dr. suggested 5mg of prednisone for a few days. took it and in the middle of the night woke up as if a fever (don’t think i had a fever) broke. felt better in the morning. sigh. will have to play some music, right? taking it easy today. thanks for caring.

      Love, Laurie

      Like

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