Pain, Feels Like Old Times

This morning, I tried to get out of bed, tried being the operative word. I felt like I did when my Fibromyalgia was in full bloom. Not that it is in any way anecdotal to flowers, delicacy or beauty. I feel like old times. The hard part is that I don’t know if this is a flare-up, even though I am still taking my medications. The only one I haven’t been taking recently is the Estrogel, a gel that you put on your arms used for Hormone Replacement Therapy. Could that be a cause for what I am feeling?

When you hurt all over, and struggle to get up the stairs,  when you don’t know where the pain and aches are coming from you feel even more at a loss.  I went away for a few days over the holidays, we took a plane, could it be a bug that I caught from the plane? It’s so hard to diagnose yourself when you have a multitude of factors. I feel like I have the flu again, without the temperature. Exactly the same as when I had Fibromyalgia which my autoimmunologist says is “a lazy diagnosis. ” He is treating my auti-immune disease (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis) with immuno-suppresant drugs, which, of course, have side effects too.

I am sitting or rather lying in my bed afraid to move a muscle. Every muscle and bone in my body is in pain right now and I haven’t felt this way in a long time. It gives me time to appreciate how well I was doing compared to this but I am now questioning what got me here? Sometimes, those of us with chronic pain, unfortunately, blame ourselves. That is where I stand right now. Motionless, covered by piles of blankets and feeling upset, both physically and psychologically. I blame myself for stopping the HRT when I did not hear back from my Dr.  I blame the weather, it’s nasty cold snap feels like it’s physical abuse, striking me all over my body. It could be something, It could be nothing; the reality is, I honestly don’t know.

Do I start reapplying the HRT gel when this could be a virus? I forgot how bad I felt before, and I am not happy to have a reminder.  Do I continue the HRT when inherently I am not comfortable taking bio -identical hormones? I don’t know what I have or what to do. I don’t want to take more and more medicine but frankly today I am a complete mess. When I took Advil I felt better, apparently it has worn off. I feel scared and vulnerable all over again, I want to hide under my pink fuzzy blankets. I want to lie still, as still as the night, to try and assess what I’m feeling and why. The truth of the matter is I may never know, and I feel incredibly helpless and alone.

2 thoughts on “Pain, Feels Like Old Times

  1. I’m sending you a virtual hug {{{{Laurie}}}}}} Hang in there. I know it’s tough when, even with medication, the pain overtakes you. Try to own the pain, rather than it owing you. I know that somes simpler than the actual process is.
    Have you tried Voltran? It’s a prescription anlesgic [sic] (based on ?) rub that I use on my neck, face, and whatever body part happens to hurt. If you have problems with ASA or ibprofin [sic] or the other pain relievers, you may not be able to use it. Voltran is for osteoarthitis, [sic] but my dr. suggested I try it. Some of the neck issues are based on arthitis [sic] anyway.
    Would a hot bath help? You’ve probably already tried that suggestion, but it can be therapeutic.
    Sorry about all the misspelling — I wanted to send you that hug immediately rather than compose, cut and paste.
    Will write again soon,’
    My thoughts are with you. Let me know how you are doing.


    • thanks for the hug! i needed it and am grateful for it. i don’t know what happened, my dr. suggested 5mg of prednisone for a few days. took it and in the middle of the night woke up as if a fever (don’t think i had a fever) broke. felt better in the morning. sigh. will have to play some music, right? taking it easy today. thanks for caring.

      Love, Laurie


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