A Heart Broken

broken vase

Image by Leonard John Matthews via Flickr

I remember the first taste of flirtation, just a whiff, like the softness of a pink rose petal; it was enough to intoxicate me. A feeling that went straight from my head to my toes, a fluttering. Eyelashes blinked at a slower pace, my deep, green eyes  warm, sexy and coy, sending messages. It was the attraction that comes from nowhere and heads straight across an apartment, from the front door to the living room, in two seconds.  I was wearing a white cabled sweater, my hair was long, brown, full and curly like gentle ripples in a slow river.

I miss those days of how just thinking about someone could make a flush run deep in my cheeks, and I would smile openly in the air, not caring what other people thought. My feelings became so intense that I ended up getting jealous of my own fantasies. He had eyes of brown velvet, there was no denying the attraction that happened at first sight. No getting away from it either, the pull of a fierce rip tide tugging at my heart and body.

This kind of physical attraction was new to me and it frightened me as well as consumed me. I was 18, home from college and met him at a party. Only later did I find out he was married with a wife back in Alabama about to give birth to their second child. I stopped cold and the sensuous side of me changed to brittle cement that settled in and stayed.

I did not want to become that person that snuck away to a hotel, I was young but not stupid.  Back in my dorm room I wrote his first name down in sketchbooks, a soft blush of pencil,  angry strokes of red and black. I had fallen in love with someone who was not available; I felt betrayed, angry and unhappy with the world, with him.

It was nothing and everything. It was waking up a side of me I had not yet known. Attraction, the physical energy with a stranger. His eyes locked on mine and we did not leave each others’ side after that. It was a party yet no one existed except the two of us. He was my first love, my first introduction to sensuality and feeling wanted. It did not have a fairy tale ending but it gave me an education, it was a glimpse into the future from a very brief, innocent, romance, one that I could not forget.

6 thoughts on “A Heart Broken

  1. This is one of your BEST pieces of descriptive writing. I got the vapors. You captured that feeling of being in love for the first time. Thanks for sharing. LOVE IT.

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    • thanks Neene. You and a few of my other friends felt the same one about this one and the one about John (you told me I had my book in that one). seems like romance is in the air.

      Love, Laurie

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  2. I agree with Tammy: when are you putting your blogs together as short stories in a book? You write in a style that folks would love to read. You really should consider publishing your blogs.
    I didn’t have my first real sense of “love” til I was 24 — and it certainly was love at first sight. That’s when I realized I had been attracted to the few other men in my life, but I hadn’t really loved them with the intensity of this “out of the blue” powerful feelinh

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  3. I remember my first love too Laurie. Those feelings of new love and attraction are very intoxicating and stick with us forever. That first love is so intense and I’m not sure ya ever get those exact same feelings again with each new relationship or as you get older, it changes…maybe for the better, more of a companionship….but its that first one where its’ all so new and innocent…I can remember that like it was yesterday…and he was a good guy, he didn’t break my heart, I kinda broke his, but it just wasn’t meant to be….you write so well Laurie Lou…when is your book coming???? 😉 xox

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