My Freckles Are Spreading, No Really

Ashton Kutcher at Time 100 Gala

Image via Wikipedia

I was in a small shopping mall last week and I passed a mirror and I thought, for a quick second, that I saw my reflection. No, that couldn’t be me. I must have seen someone else. Whoever it was, looked bloated, tired, pale and cranky. She was wearing a green shirt, and mom jeans with protruding stomach rolls, and she was frowning furiously that showed deep wrinkle lines.  That’s NOT me! Um, but I am wearing the same outfit and my eyes are green…..

Maybe the mirror I looked in was one of those funny mirrors that they use in amusement parks, or pranks!  I looked around for Ashton Kutcher because I thought I was being  “Punked”or at the very least, pranked. Ashton, however  was no where in sight and the only camera looking at me was a security camera following my every, suspicious move.

That old, sad, mad, fat person warily looking back at me made me want to weep and hide in some stranger’s musty attic or move to Canada or better yet, Italy. I can give good advice to others about positive body image but it wasn’t working for me today.  Today, I flunked the course.  I  ordered a chopped salad for lunch (appetizer size) and I had that lovely tiny slice of Italian cheesecake with the essence of orange, but don’t those things cancel each other out?

If big, cranky, frowning lady wasn’t enough I also saw that there is now something quite wrong with my skin. I’ve always had that pale, cream-cheese complexion but things are changing.  My freckles are joining together; I’m sure that’s what it must be.  It couldn’t be the dreaded old age spots, could it? This day just keeps getting better and better.

Just one more thing: I remembered the cashier at A & P  who asked me my age. I was so confused…..until she told me that Seniors, 55 and older get 5% off their bill on Tuesdays. It was Tuesday and while I am not 55, I’m really damn close. So, thanks for the discount but your people skills stink.

I know all the reasons why women gain weight in their, (cough, cough) mid to later years and I lend these pearls of wisdom to friends as easily as I would a  button-down blue sweater. My own body crashed with Menopause, followed closely by an Underactive Thyroid condition and an Auto-immune Disease called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. After that, I was diagnosed with  Fibromyalgia. But, today I’m just not buying it. I don’t care, I just know how awful I feel. Today, I am allowing myself to sulk.

Maybe tomorrow I will be able to put things in perspective. I will remember that good health is more important than weight, that I have a wonderful family and I am grateful for so many things. As for the cheesecake? It was worth every bite. The mirror? That, was pure evil.

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6 thoughts on “My Freckles Are Spreading, No Really

  1. I know just what you’re feeling Sis! I sometimes catch my reflection or worse a picture of me and I’m like “Who is that middle aged fat sad woman?” Then I’m mortified to realize it’s me.

    This week I was at a department store looking for the dreaded bathing suit I need for vacation. Omg. If that doesn’t put a blow to your ego nothing does…I was about to burst into tears in the dressing room…why won’t my boobs stay in the “boob section” of those dang suits? lol…why are my thighs the look a like for cottage cheese? Big blubbery whale. With a bad attitude….and zero energy….in massive pain. That is me.

    Then to add salt to the wound, I got to the checkout, this lady, who was obviously around 60…is chatty with me….looks at me for awhile, and says “Well I know this is silly, but your not 55 are you? Cuz today is 20% off for seniors?”………………………….I was like “WTH?” I know I don’t look great …. especially after trying on bathing suits, no make up, in sweats, feeling like a truck hit me….but seriously? 55? I know 44 is pushing up that hill, but for Gods sakes. I nicely laughed and said, no…not quite. I shoulda said, yes, I am 66. Thank you for the compliment, biotch.

    So….whatever. I give up on the whole looks issue. Although, a friend who I haven’t seen in years commented on a recent pic of me that I looked the same as I did 14 years ago! She made my day! So either she’s losin her sight, or I looked really bad 14 years ago as well. lol

    By the way, I did get a suit….my boobs stay where they belong…sort of…its a skirt, so it sorta covers my thunder thighs and disguises my hippo hips…just enough that I can go on vacation and go to the pool or beach…wearing a cover up…..and quickly whip it off right before entering the water and pray no one saw the hideous human that is me.

    Us females are way too hard on ourselves. I too am good at boosting others self esteem, but suck at doing for myself. I think we are all this way. My freckles are banding together around my nose….what used to be cute is now becoming giraffe like….whatever….who cares? me.

    There are times where I think I’m glad I don’t have to compete with those 20 year old hotties….I am now part of the “invisible women in their middle age” group. Atleast the ones who aren’t rich and getting snipped and tucked and sucked. I will keep my maturing face and bod….I don’t wanna look like a puffy lipped blow fish.

    Let’s just be happy to have all our parts….be proud of each little wrinkle that probably no one but us sees. You are beautiful to me Big Sis!

    xoxoxo
    Tammy

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