After a very small dinner tonight I ate Ben and Jerry’s half-baked ice cream, with whipped cream. After that I had one purple bunny peep, cheddar Sun chips, a piece of raisin bread and I’m still on the hunt. If the stores would be open now I would grab my license and run out the door to search for the new M & M’s with coconut that I saw in the stores a week and a half ago. That was my mistake. I should have bought them then, eaten them and have gotten them out of my system. Instead, during a time of stress and emotional eating, I’m raiding the fridge and searching in the cupboards.
When it’s this kind of emotional hunger, I don’t get full. I eat and eat and look for comfort and in the act of eating mindlessly, I, for a few moments push my stress and anxiety and worries away. But, it doesn’t last. I’m full but I’m not; I’m sure there is another victim out there that I can kidnap. If I had jelly belliesI would be happy. That is what I want to eat now, one after the other, slowly, not biting them completely because I do not want to disturb my TMJ, that nasty, sharp-pained nuisance. I’m not supposed to eat the Jelly Bellies but I truly don’t care, I want them anyway preferably now.
I’m not hungry, I tell myself, and physically that’s perfectly true. I am hungry emotionally having had two days of pure, unadulterated anxiety and sadness and heartbreak and stress, illness and loved ones and more stress. I hold my hand over my bulging stomach and know I shouldn’t eat more and know that I will. The only decision is what to eat and when to stop.
After searching my son’s room, with his help, he only had empty Starbursts wrappers. No good. His girlfriend offered to do a “jelly belly run” for me which further endeared her to my heart. After tearing the kitchen apart I found a great substitute, cut up pineapple chunks: fruity, juicy, chewy, not jelly beans but the same idea. I ate those thinking I was in the clear. Until I found the Yodels……
I’m not ashamed to write this, this is no hidden blog post, this is for people like me, that once in a while binge eat, grin, and regret it the next day. No matter what a Psychologist would say, I think it’s okay as long as I go back to eating healthfully tomorrow. So there. Yes gain, no shame.
Eat that Weight Watchers.
full disclosure: after I wrote that I ate two mini croissants with apple butter. today I am eating healthy foods….so far!
It could have been me writing that post! I’ve done the same thing many time! Now, when I look in the mirror……I hate my body. I need to eat healthy and try to lose this weight!!!!
I always love reading you……..
My favorite is cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting. I used to buy the 2-pack but that’s been discontinued and there is only a 6-pack. I’ve been known (only to myself) to eat however many there is in the package.
I like gummy worms because they have no fat and are really good for you.
Fresh Ding Dongs ding my dong.
I’ve not had ANY junk food, wheat or dairy for 4 weeks now thinking my night-time no sleep/coughing yuk might be a food allergy. But so far so good I’m still waking up all night long.
After I see the allergist meet me at the super-market
Oh you poor thing! Sometimes the only thing that will work for me is…pop tarts…twinkies….soft serve ice cream….Dunkin Donuts coconut donuts…Hostess cupcakes…Dove chocolate…or a Shamrock shake from McDonald’s. Eat it all and you’ll feel better…believe me. Someone told me once that purple peeps have no calories. I don’t know if it’s true, but what the hell!
I’m on my way Mo, jelly doughtnuts esp!!!