Unhappy Birthday To Me

birthday

I generally savor my approaching birthday all year-long. As soon as I have one birthday I start the countdown to the next. I love birthdays, anyone’s birthday, it’s a celebration of Life. I had thought briefly about having a party for my 55th birthday in our house; there is no way THAT is going to happen. First, I don’t have a house. We are homeless at the moment. It’s under construction, five minutes away from demolition if you ask me. Second, I’m a little depressed and I don’t feel like celebrating now and third, while I like being the center of attention once in a while part of me is very shy. The side of me that loves attention is totally unreliable and generally lasts a mere five minutes. Fourth, I HATE surprises. I plan to skip my birthday totally this year and it is not because I am turning double nickels, I don’t care about age; I care about feeling happy.

Our tiny cozy house is not a home anymore. What started as a kitchen renovation became a total house renovation. We are not living there but carpenter ants and mold are. Not healthy living conditions for us, and the fact that there are no bathrooms that work makes it just a little more complicated. There was a lot of hidden damage in our house, unbeknownst to us, so imagine our horror when one room after another needed work. Long ago, there was a movie called “The Money Pit.” Basically, we are those people.

This year, my birthday will be just  another day. My husband will still be on crutches after his Achilles Tendon surgery, we won’t be back in our home and overall, it’s been a very rough year. In addition to the non-house situation my birthday falls on the most solemn holiday in the Jewish religion, Yom Kippur. While my family does not belong to any temple, nor are we particularly religious, celebrating my birthday on the most solemn day, the Day of Atonement, just does not feel right. Besides, my mother would kill me.

I hope some day I will get back that child-like feeling about birthdays. It seems so sad to have lost that. Our house? I hope that I can also love it again the way I used to. Our house betrayed us, people we’ve trusted have ignored us. I accept that not being happy on my birthday is okay. There’s always next year.

9 thoughts on “Unhappy Birthday To Me

  1. BIG, BIG HUGS to you and your family. It would be so much easier to have some kind of Star Trek transporter thingy so we could all be there for each other, wouldn’t it?

    My birthday wish for you is that you find ways to celebrate throughout the year. Pick a bunch of little things you can do that will bring a smile to your face. Your choices, you’re the birthday girl.

    Maureen

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  2. I’m so sorry you and your family are having to endure all this extra hardship right now Laurie. I would give a limb if I could help you, I swear to God I would. I wish I was rich, I would build you a new home or fix yours good as new, whichever you chose…honestly. I hate that all I can do is offer my sympathies. Although I know it doesn’t help a bit when you’re in the middle of a crisis to hear that it could be worse….cause when its YOUR worse….there isn’t a worse for you…can’t even say, “well atlest u got ur health!” cuz that’s not the case either. I know on my very worse days, all I can do other than cry is to get online, and find my friends…the ones who suffer daily like I do…and grab ahold of them “virtually” and hold on tight and pray. I am praying for you. For your family. For your home. For all of us. As for your birthday…please do something nice that day…you don’t hafta party down like a rockstar…but eat something special or something…..its a special day.
    Luv ya
    T

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  3. Oh my Sweetie, I don’t blame you for not being in a celebratory mood. Everything has been slowly crumbling down. You can borrow my Birthday Season: You get to “celebrate” in any form you want one day for everyday you were born. So you get 55 days to do whatever . . .
    It almost sounds easier to demolish the whole house and put up a prefab.
    with love,
    Judy
    P.S. I am glad you were born.

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    • when your contractor says “I kinda wish a tree had fallen through it during the hurricane” you know it’s bad. Thanks for the good thoughts and the idea. I will have to continue to take it day by day. I just don’t know what to feel anymore, I don’t remember what really good feels like. Thank you for liking that I was born?

        Warm wishes, Laurie https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com

      >________________________________

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  4. Birthdays are yours to enjoy and celebrate only when you feel right about it.
    Remember, you have 364 unbirthdays a year. When you feel like it, choose one to throw a party for yourself.
    But, if you don’t mind, I’ll get a hellium balloon, and some cheesecake and celebrate on your behalf.
    Happy unbirthday, unbirthday girl.

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  5. Laurie, Your 55th birthday is a milestone and I’m sorry you can’t celebrate it properly. For my double-nickel B-day, my sister was planning a big surprise party. Finally she asked if I really waned one….I had to swallow hard and then I said no. I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it…so why bother. No matter what kind of festivities you or anyone would plan for you, it just wouldn’t feel right. Next year, you can have a blow-out dancng on the ceiling party! I’ll even drive out and pick up some others on the way! I don’t even know what to say about the house situation. We have a condo sitting here with nobody living in it….if we lived close you guys could be living in it. Is there anything I can send you, or do for you from afar? I hope Dan is recovering well, and the kids and Cassie are coping. As for you…I a sending up some prayers for you everyday. Mom is always in charge right? My poor Laurie.
    xomo

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