Losing Touch with Old Friends

Friends

Image by carlosluz via Flickr

To Me, A Friend Is A Friend.

I am the type of person that WANTS TO KEEP in touch with old friends but I have been hurt by others who think geography and proximity are the only reasons to maintain a friendship. I had a “friend” named “Becky” when our children were two years old and best friends. Our family decided to move to be closer to my aging parents and our good friendship withered away, no, actually it slammed shut. When I asked her what happened, because we had been so close, she told me face to face that the reason she didn’t keep in touch with me was “You know, out of sight, out of mind.” I was crushed at the time, but this was fifteen years ago.

I also remember my three year old daughter wanting to talk to your daughter and when I called for her you told me that “Little Ruthie” as we called her, was watching television and did not want to come to the phone. Wow. If that had been my daughter I would have taught her not to be rude and to come to the phone and say hello and then go back to television watching. It’s called manners. Like mother, like daughter??!! You can hurt me all you want, I can take it even though I don’t like it….but hurt my child? Unforgivable.

I have realized since then that many people are like that and I have even prepared myself for it. I wish I was one of those people who could drop a friend at the mere mention of a move, it hurts less to be like that. But, no, I am still the one trying to keep up a friendship, even if you don’t speak often, for the friendship that was; I think there is merit in that. As I get older though, my expectations have been greatly lowered and while it is not my style, I do understand that many people act this way. I’m just trying not to be one of them.

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4 thoughts on “Losing Touch with Old Friends

  1. I think I am one of those people who don’t keep in touch as often as I should, would, could. I hate to admit this but I think it’s true.
    There are reasons but no really good excuses.
    Sometimes I’m not feeling very well and just don’t have the energy to interact.
    Sometimes I’m drained by working and just need to be alone.
    Often I think about people I care about but don’t want to have to muster up the energy to connect.

    I find e-mail to be a blessing. It is a one way communication and I don’t have to muster up more energy to respond on the spot or be there for someone else when I can barely be there for me.

    Last year I sent out an e-mail to all my friends apologizing for not being in touch and hoping they didn’t think it was exclusive to them.
    My true friends all responded by saying they absolutely understood, knew that when I had the energy I’d be there, did not take it personally and told me I didn’t need to apologize. I have some really true and wonderful friends who accept me with all my warts and ways. People who aren’t capable of being in a reciprocal relationship based on understanding (and forgiveness) fall out of my life VERY quickly and I have no regrets. (Regrets take my energy and I don’t want to squander it)

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    • TRUE friends are like that. I have a dear friend who I have known for 35 years and she disappears every year for many months, no calls, emails, nothing. I admit it took awhile but I know now that that’s just what she does. I never realized before we talked about it that she does that with everyone. Thanks for your input and not mentioning fish.

      Warm wishes, Laurie https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com

      >________________________________

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  2. It can be hard to keep in touch with friends, even when they are across town.
    I’m having that problem. I’ve been home bound for about 3 months and before that for the past 2 years my health has been up and down.
    I try to keep in touch, I email, and text…and hint that I’d love some company sometime…but often I get nothing back. (I’m hard of hearing now and can’t talk on the phone…this has been another major obstacle…it’s new.)
    I had a good spell for a little over 4 months. I just had a friend get all upset with me because I didn’t make more of an effort to see her when i was better. I looked through my emails, and she cancelled on me more than I did her….oh it’s a long story, and I’m upset I can’t write about it on my blog because she reads it.

    There are some friends, where distance doesn’t matter. One of my best friends lives on the west coast and I live on the east. another lives about 300 miles from me…no matter how long it is that we don’t get to talk, or see each other, with those special friends we always seem to be able to pick up where we left off.

    it always hurts to find out you just can’t keep a friendship. but it doesn’t make it easier to expect it.
    however, it’s a great surprise when it doesn’t happen, and when new friends come into your life.

    your new friend
    wendy

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