I’m Done, I’m Stuck, Help Me

Help, I'm Stuck

Image by Martin Cathrae via Flickr

Help I'm Trapped In Here

Image by duncan via Flickr

snowing

Image by jam343 via Flickr

I’ve had it. I have said it jokingly before but now I mean it. I’m disgusted with everything and every person. There are a few exceptions like my kids (especially the one away at college) and my dog. My dog is exempt ALL of the time, my husband? Not so much. Today, he could not make a rational, DECISIVE decision and he flip-flopped like a newly caught fish. He changed his mind twelve times in under two minutes, a record. Sometimes a girl/woman/wife/mother/person just has to say “what the eff?” Here’s to you, my hero, Ferris Bueller.

I’m also feeling the teeny tiniest bit of crazy and it’s all coming out on paper, now. After the anger came out I felt scared and stuck, trapped and hopeless, also hungry. This has been going on way too long, three months too long.

Today did not start with a resounding, positive spin. We woke up to snow, yes SNOW. Heavy, dreadful, snow that started in the morning and will continue until the wee hours of tomorrow morning. It’s OCTOBER people, October. You know, the time of year where we gasp from the brilliant artistry of the naturally changing leaves, bright streaks of red, amber, different shades of green, all colors holding hands, clasping each other, on one fiery tree. It’s beautiful, well, it was beginning to get beautiful… In past years it was a slow and steady sign of seasons changing, temperatures starting to decline not a nor’easter punching us in the face coming out of nowhere.

To those who say I shouldn’t be cranky, I say “Tough.” I am cranky, I deserve to be cranky and I have every right to feel cranky.”  I know there are worse things in the world and indeed I am incredibly grateful that we are not suffering from life threatening illnesses but I swear, my mind is going, going, soon to be gone. Yes, maybe tomorrow I will breathe as deeply as I possibly can and I will repeat the mantra of safety but today, I am not doing it. I don’t WANT to be calm today. I’m sorry what? Yes, I said it: No interest in being calm today.” THE FRIGGIN SNOW OF OCTOBER 29th 2011 put an end to that.

I have lasted an entire paragraph without mentioning my old, destructive and defective house but trust me I’m so there now. The little house from hell with termites, carpenter ants, rotten and decayed wood, that had electrical problems now has heating problems too. So, my genius husband (sorry hubby, it’s been a really bad day) decides (without consulting me, of course) that he would leave two portable heaters on over night, plugged in, “on low,” when nobody was home. That is all kinds of wrong; I just couldn’t take it. Thank goodness for my sister who rightfully said: “this is from the man who insists that I, as a grown woman, put on my seat belt when I sit in the back of the car?” Yes, Sis, the same person. I asked him to ask a neighbor, one of several we could ask to please unplug the fire hazards but no, he didn’t want to do that. So, now he is on his way back in the snow to turn them off himself. What IS IT about men and asking favors? I don’t get it.  Smokey the Bear, on behalf of my husband, I apologize. Deeply.

Peeps, you don’t need to bother to read this post if you don’t want to because I am VENTING and sometimes venting is useful because my chest has become less painful and I am breathing evenly. Sometimes it is more than okay to say “I’m furious” instead of meditating your anger away. I’m CRANKY, I’ve lived with this stress, tension and emotional and financial ruin for three months now, cramped in one tiny hotel room. I have every right to vent and I am glad I did. So there.

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8 thoughts on “I’m Done, I’m Stuck, Help Me

  1. You have every right to be cranky and to let it out. It needs to be released. Keeping it all in is so unhealthy. You are going through a stressful and frustrating time with the house. (I know it’s an understatement.) Do what venting you need to do.

    As for genius husband…I hope his thought processes are better as well. Still trying to wrap my head around not asking one of the neighbours but I guess unplugging a couple of heaters isn’t up there on the manly-man list of things to ask people to do for you. Because then he would have to explain why the heaters are on in an empty house.

    And, really, someone needs to find out who pissed off Mother Nature and make things right.

    Maureen

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  2. Folks are here to listen and comiserate (spelling). It really sucks that you’ve got the house from hell (and it isn’t even halloween yet); are trapped in a small space with 2 other people who often don’t want to follow your agenda.
    MEN WILL NEVER ASK FOR A FAVO(U)R! This image of the rugged individual pited against the forces of nature and single-handedly wresting a victory from the grasp of defeat is getting so passe. Not sure what’s going on in their minds when they process a response to “let’s ask Al to . . . . . .” or “which road do we take,” and other similar simple “asking” situations.
    I’m sending you a whole lot of postive engery to help you get through this. Sending a hug along with this comment. And remember, that in the cyberverse there is always room for venting, crying, yelling, stomping feet, shaking your fists, forming certain finger arrangements.
    And, when you do this, you aren’t doing it alone; there are so many people who care and wish they could help you through this difficult time. Sending you a giant hug and a whole cheesecake. Favo(u)rite flavo(u)r of course!!!!! Hang in there; “Momma said there would be days (weeks, months, years) like this.” And, the great-grandmother said “This too shall pass.”
    Please remember to take care of yourself.

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  3. Do you feel better now?

    You have every reason and right to be CRANKY, and YELL, and SHOUT…all of the above!

    Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

    you never know until you try.

    I sincerely hope that one day you can look back at all of this and laugh….but I somehow doubt it.

    (you know, men can really be dumb sometimes, and yeah, I don’t get why they won’t ask for help.)

    So bitch all you want to!
    I’ll help!
    wendy

    Like

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