My Dad, The Little Yellow Butterfly

Clouded Yellow butterfly (Calias crocea)

it was an absolutely brilliant day, the thirteenth day of November

the sun was shining high in the sky,

covering my shoulders and arms with warmth that felt like a cashmere shawl next to newly showered skin.

I miss you dad, especially on your birthday

sometimes I forget that you died ten years ago

and I don’t know how I can go on without you

but then you show yourself to me, when I need it most.

‘see me there on the tree branch’  you whisper like a passing cloud, a subtle breeze

i am this small yellow butterfly: i can finally fly, i am happy in my spirit, and no longer in my poor, old, aching body

that made me feel so sad and powerless.

believe me honey, i would not lie

my spirit never left you and it never will for I will always love you.

see? i’m down here now, i didn’t leave you,

you just turned away.

10 thoughts on “My Dad, The Little Yellow Butterfly

  1. Oh my goodness, I’m just bawling right now.

    My mother’s birthday was New Year’s Day…I have the hardest time on that day.

    This is beautiful. I’m so glad you can feel your father close to you.
    I feel my mother, I can’t believe it’s been 19 years. She never met Stuart? impossible, or my dear dog? I just can’t believe it.
    some times I have memories of things and I’m sure she was there, but she couldn’t have been…at least not in person..perhaps she really was.

    hugs to you


      • Oh, I do have signals from my mom. My favorite example.
        Both my mom and Stuart’s mother loved humming birds (both have passed), so we included them in our wedding…my friends and I made paper hummingbirds to hang in the trees, and people were encouraged to take one as a memorial, and blessing.

        The day after our wedding we went back to the national park we got married at, to have more photos taken (since I wouldn’t let her take them before the wedding…was not going to see me in my dress until the ceremony!)

        When we got to the park there were people there catching humming birds, tagging them and releasing them. They were migrating and they were keeping track of one’s they caught the year before, their weight…ect. It was fascinating.
        To help the birds and get them flying again after capture, they feed them with sugar water and you hold them in your open hand to warm them then they take off. I got to hold 2!
        I know that was our mother’s wishing us well and showing how happy they were for us!

        Yes, we will have to lean on each other. It’s a rough time. (I have another friend who’s father died about 2am on New Year’s day. We used to get together, and have dinner New Year’s Eve, and celebrate our parent’s lives. But we haven’t in a few years. Now she has kids of her own, and she seems to always be out of town during that time now. Too bad, it helped me.)

        Hugs to you my friend


  2. your honouring your father is touching. I think of mine alot, but my day of honour is the first game of the world series. Then I cry a bit. When I can, I visit his grave on his birthday/death day. But then, when I’m there, I visit him alot. We talk (I talk, he listens). Now, I can talk to both mom and dad. Neither one seems to be in the house anymore — their messages will come other ways now. At least, I hope their messages continue.
    Thanks for sharing such a beautiful and heart-warming story. When are you putting these all together in a book? Soon, I hope.


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