Haiku Heights – Travel

I bite my cold lips

The blast of ice runs through me

I long for sunshine

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I am in a dream

A sandy beach waits for me

My toes, lapping waves

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Time, is not my friend

Dad, Nine years ago tonight

You left us for death

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Ringing in 2012

Really Not A HOLIDAY For Me

sleep

When the clock strikes midnight tonight, I hope to be sleeping, it’s not a joyous holiday for me. At 10:15pm I will be staring at the clock and remember in full detail, nine years ago when I received the call from my mom that my father had just passed away in the hospital. I was sitting on our bed, my legs crossed and I was crying, sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. My children were little then, my son was ten and he burst into tears just looking at my face and he screamed “no, no, no” and rushed into my arms for a hug. My daughter was even younger, she was eight and I’m not sure she understood what was really happening or if she did, she couldn’t handle her emotions. To this day, she keeps her emotions tucked inside of her like a well ironed handkerchief.

My husband gathered me in his arms and just let me sob. Years ago, my son told me that he thought I would sob like that forever. That’s what it felt like to him, it must have been very scary, for that I am so sorry.

I don’t think I slept that night or for many nights thereafter. If I did finally fall asleep it would be for two hours at a time and I would wake up with a start and that horrible feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong. Then, I would remember and start crying again.

We generally go out for an early dinner on New Year’s Eve, my husband and I. Tonight we are going to my favorite restaurant “The Flying Pig” (see post) that is also closing it’s doors, forever, tonight. My son will join us for dinner and leave and my daughter will  be working there tonight. It all seems like an appropriate ending to the night, when my father died, nine years ago.

If I can’t sleep at midnight, I hope to be lying next to my husband, with his arms around me until I get tired enough that I will eventually fall into an exhausted sleep. Tomorrow will not be better either, my parents’ wedding anniversary is January 1st. I think, we will all cry together, alone, wishing for the day to pass quickly even as the moments drag for what seems like hours.

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Don’t LEGGO Of MY WEGO!

Happy Smile

Today is the day my father died, nine years ago. It’s also the day I read this and figured out what it meant!!!!!  I want to say a big THANK YOU to whoever nominated me. It means so much to me, it’s given me a reason to smile!!!!!

Your nomination details:

Award: Health Activist Hero (http://info.wegohealth.com/hero-2011)

Link: https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com/

Reason: Quite simply….she is my hero. She has a writing style that touches my heart. She is honest and real.

Congrats! We hope you’ll join in the excitement and take a moment to nominate your own favorite Health Activists for any of the 10 Awards and share the program with your online community.

Learn more:

Check out all the awards (and nominate others!): http://info.wegohealth.com/awards-2011/

Download our quick sharing templates: http://info.wegohealth.com/awards-sharing/

Want to help pick the winners? Apply to be part of our Judging Panel: http://info.wegohealth.com/awards-jury/

AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

What a lovely way to say good-bye to 2011 xoxo

So What IF George Clooney Is Gay And Other “Celebrities?” (Pop Cop)

 

 

English: George Clooney, Cannes film festival

English: George Clooney, Cannes film festival (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

REPOST

I think that George Clooney could be gay just like Rock Hudson was gay and no one believed it back then either.  Look, I’m just printing what I’m hearing, so don’t be hating. You know why? Because it really doesn’t matter; it’s not a big deal anymore (although all the cover-up, why?) As Jerry Seinfeld quoted in his show Seinfeld (see Jerry, I know who you are, not like that Larry King dude) about the possibility of being gay: “Not that there is anything wrong with that.” A line that baby boomers are still quoting, ad nauseum. (Let’s face it, it took us years to get over saying yada, yada, yada – we are a generation of people who have trouble letting go of the past. I know.

Let’s talk a little about the Kardashians, shall we? ( I hope I sound like Church Chat Lady on OLD SNL episodes with Dana Carvey.) Who are they and why are they famous? More importantly why do all these people seem to care whether they are married or divorced, pregnant, preening or getting more and more plastic surgery? Are you telling me that the “dad” is the same Bruce Jenner that was in the Olympics as a swimmer? Who did he run into and why did he let someone to destroy his once well-known face? Ick. I truly don’t care about this family, have never watched them on television although I have seen pictures of Mom Kardashian and she scares me more than just a little. What TALENT do these people have? Ah, None. I thought so. Why are they featured in magazines when they have no talent except being adept at making themselves celebrities with a ton of cash. I don’t get it.

The last person I have no clue about and I had to google is a woman by the name of Bethenny Frankel. All I know about her is that she is in magazines and sells some lite alcoholic drinks and she had a baby. So? Why again, is she famous? (okay, famous is really the wrong word, why is she a pseudo- celebrity?) Apparently, she was on some housewives show of Atlanta if I read that correctly. Thus, a star is born? Shouldn’t she be living with the Kardashians? These people can’t act, the can barely speak eloquently, why do people admire them? THEY. HAVE. NO. TALENT.

Talent is: Ellen Degeneres, she is my hero. I admit, it once was Oprah but I’m sorry I had to switch to Ellen Degeneres. Ellen knows who she is, she celebrates her life and her marriage with her wife Portia. She helps us celebrate our own lives, she’s quick, funny, kind (very kind) and smart. There is no malice in her (except for her scaring all the celebrities which would make me pee in my pants badly.) We can look up to Ellen, she should be the one that we admire, she has incredible comedic talent and timing.

My point here is it doesn’t matter if someone is gay or not, what matters is talent and kindness and doing good things for the world. So, really who cares if George Clooney or Josh Groban, Tom Cruise and John Travolta are all gay?? Celebrate them for the great artists that they are. They have talent, that’s more than the Kardashians will ever have. Admit it.

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The In-Between

Malheur Bière Brut

It’s the week between Christmas and New Years, a strange time. You are not yet finished with 2011 and you can’t wait to say good-bye but New Year’s Eve is not in sight just quite yet. It’s always been a long week for me. In our town, it’s nice and quiet, people go away for the holidays; the town has lots of parking, the streets are empty; it’s a quiet, gentler period of time. Personally, it’s a struggle. I remember the last Christmas we had with my dad many years ago, when he went into the hospital and how he died on New Year’s Eve, a day before my parents’ wedding anniversary. It’s not a memory that will ever fade in emotion or intensity.

For many years now I’ve tried to say goodbye to the old year, hoping, wishing, EXPECTING the New Year to be better. Not any more. As I’ve gotten older it just seems to be a pattern that happens every year. There are NO long bouts of happiness, there may not be long bouts of depression, but there are problems, pretty much, all the time. When you have a day that is problem free, celebrate.

A lesson for us who are no longer young, but older middle-aged ( I refuse to say OLD) is that we need to accept that our lives have changed permanently. I talk about this with my friends. For some of us it’s being in the sandwich generation, having children and parents (or parent in my case) needing, deserving more attention and care. It’s scary every direction we look. We are responsible for our own children, now independent teenagers and our parents who are no longer as independent as they once were.

How can we look forward when we have no control over our lives? If I had to list the one thing that worries me most it would be the unknown, how life can change drastically in one second, for the worse. We have no control over anything, and the only way I can deal with that is not to deal with it at all. You have to try to live your life to the fullest every day, be thankful when there is a good day, ride the waves, bend with the wind. I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty and I know many others don’t either; we have no choice. We must try hard not to focus on it, remain engaged in things and people we love. Stay in the moment. Every moment.

So lift a glass of champagne or orange juice, chocolate milk or wine, for the good times, the ones we should treasure and try to remember. It’s the only way to get by.  To the Best 2012 that’s possible. Cheers!

Dear Maria Shriver (Political Pop Cop)

Modified version of Image:Arnold Schwarznegger...

Image via Wikipedia

What the hell are you thinking? Don’t Even Think About Taking Him Back. Promise me you will at least talk to your gal pal Oprah before you make any decisions. I don’t think Oprah would stand any of this hanky-dirty-panky crap and I don’t blame her. Listen, you gave your marriage a really good try, you beat all odds, but please, don’t humiliate yourself and take him back because the papers are reporting that he is buying you NICE presents. Ugh. You have your own money, buy yourself whatever your little heart desires.

I understand you have children, I really do. However, what will your children think of you accepting your cheating husband back? What will it say about you as an independent woman? I’m sorry, I’m just not like the “Stand By Your Man” kind of gal. Look at poor, lovely, deceased Elizabeth Edwards? I want to growl…..at her ex-husband and hopefully Arnold too.

I do know that divorce is very hard for you and I can sympathize however, don’t lower your standards, please. Do you think you can ever trust Arnold again? Isn’t marriage based on trust? Call me old-fashioned but I’ve been married twenty-three years and if I found out my husband had fathered another child long ago, his “really nice presents” would not sway me for a second. Personally, I’d toss them out of the window. With extreme pleasure!

Stand your ground, all of us women are behind you. Well, most of us are. Remember, that you are a strong, talented and very smart woman. A woman we can all look up to, just please don’t take him back. If you need presents, buy them yourself or ask a good friend like Oprah to buy them for you. Trust me, I know that she would.

Sincerely,

Strong Women In The World

What Would YOU Do, If You Were Not Afraid?*

Norway

*Reminder, this is a game, it’s not taking into account that I would be leaving my family. More hypothetical than actual. What would YOU do if you were not afraid…..share your answers in the comment section.

I think about things that appeal to me yet also scare me at the same time. My first answer is that I would travel all over the world, alone. I would also want to live in a foreign country for a year and not worry about the language barriers, not worry about anything. I’ve always said I wanted to live in different places and that would be something I would do.

I wouldn’t have a time-table, just an open return flight and tons of money to spend (now you can say it’s really a fantasy). I would go to places I’ve never been, or at least not been since I was a child and flying with my parents on free airline tickets.  I would visit Sweden and Copenhagen and Norway, Italy, the South of France in the springtime, Japan but only if I didn’t have to eat sushi. (oh right, I’m not supposed to worry about ANYTHING) okay, I’d eat steaming rice and tasty noodles in a fragrant broth.

I’d go to the islands of Greece and go to Israel after that. I would return to the US and stay home in the spring. Then, I would travel to places in the US : Atlanta, Chicago, Maine, Vermont, I’d spend time in Rhode Island too, California…..that’s just a start. I would want to visit the North and South Carolina; I’d stop in Las Vegas too.

Traveling alone is first on my list, my only companion would be my laptop and my camera and perhaps a stuffed animal to cozy up to at night…..I would need a lot of money, of course, because I’m too old to backpack my way through Europe (actually I don’t think I was ever that type.) Find me a nice hotel and a soft bed with a down comforter and fluffy pillows, white lace curtains on open windows, my own bathroom and a vase of wildflowers at my bedside.

Aren’t We All Damaged In Some Way?

it gets better

I’m fuming and furious about a recent post that mentioned me and another friend. For those of you who have read my post ” I Am A Tree” you know I’ve been working hard to keep my roots in tack, to play with the wind instead of fighting it, to learn to swim with the tide instead of against it. It’s not an easy job for anyone. Lately, however, I feel bad vibes spinning around in circles over my head. I will not let them land, I am fighting them, I refuse to drown myself for other people’s mentally ill and emotionally deprived lives. I have asked this person to get help many times. I’ve received suicide notes that bring me to tears, I have contacted professionals on how to handle the situation. I can only do the best I can do in any given moment; that’s true for all of us. However, I will not be talked about by other members when I am right here, present, front and center.

I don’t need to name names like other people did. I will not stoop so low. I also will not make idle threats, again and again, about leaving Facebook or blogs, or certain groups, and then reappearing after a day or two. I have tried to help people many, many times but I am not a doctor, a psychiatrist or a judge. I am a friend who wants to be nice to others, and I don’t want to be taken advantage of nor do I want any nice thing I may have done turned into a passive-aggressive diatribe.

Let’s face it, it’s a bad time of year for EVERYONE. I can tell you my dad died New Year’s Eve or whine about my childhood and not being understood but I am a 55-year-old woman who is now responsible for her own actions. I love my family, I love my friends, but I am not responsible for their actions.

I don’t like others speaking about me, as if I were not alive or present. Do I have problems? Yes, WHO DOESN’T?  We’ve had a horrid year but you don’t see me wallowing in it. ALL OF US HAVE PROBLEMS, IT’S CALLED BEING A GROWN UP. Life moves on, and I with it. If someone needs help, desperately needs help than they should do what they can to get it. If it means being an in patient, so be it, you would be safe there and not be able to hurt others or yourself. You need to take a role in your recovery especially when you have made your feelings clear about how you feel about your demise.

I am not a mean person, I try to be kind, I try to be a good person. I have many flaws but I am losing patience and respect. Whoever needs help, please find it, there is always a way if you try hard enough and having a spouse that you are HONEST with makes it even easier. Take a break from being on-line and concentrate on GETTING better. Everyone would welcome you back. Enough is enough. It takes a lot to make me fume, but I am at that point now. Thank you to another new friend who warned me about the posting, I sincerely appreciate it. (or am I not allowed to even say this?)

Get help, intense, emotional help. You are a talented person, you just have lost your way. You will get better, I am sure, and we all care. Don’t lose sight of the GOOD you do have in your life. Friendships last through many ups and downs, they are not that fragile, please get the help you need. I will be here with cheesecake and toast with butter and honey and cheddar cheese.

*This was written a couple of days ago, after the first blog. I decided not to post it. Now after the addendum, you wanted comments. Here they are. I care a lot but you have crossed the line. Please get HELP.

Mountains Versus Marathons

Participants in the 2010 Boston Marathon in We...

Not Everyone Is An Athlete

Would I rather climb a mountain or run a marathon??!! Neither. I would rather watch someone climbing a mountain as I sat in a lodge holding my cup of steaming hot cocoa with melting marshmallows between my chilled hands. I cheer people on who are running a marathon. At the Boston Marathon I would stand on the street as the marathoners ran by and hold out orange slices or cups of water. I would yell encouraging things until I was hoarse. Nothing about me screams extreme sports (chronic pain condition aside.)

I give enormous credit to people who are athletic and love it, that must have been a missing gene in my family. We’re not athletes, we’re not even into sports. Forgive us, not everyone is athletic but in a way, I wish I was. Maybe this year (ok, next year, I can get myself in shape to take up SOME sport that I enjoy and am eager to do. For now, I have to force myself, especially in the winter, to take a walk and the only thing that makes me do it is my overwhelming love for our dog.

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The Best Holiday Gift – EVER

Our Kids Are Simply AMAZING

This year, when the family agreed NOT to exchange presents because of last year’s horrific mess financially…our two amazing teenagers totally surprised us. We didn’t have a clue that they were even thinking about giving us a present but on Christmas Eve at 11:48pm, our nineteen year old son started dragging a huge present from the outdoor shed, inside. Our seventeen year old daughter watched and stood next to him as he nervously spoke:

“I’m really nervous about this present, we wanted to get you something that was house related so that the two of you would have something new….we hope you like it…”. We were stunned at the mere size of the gift not even knowing the contents. IT was an outside fire pit for when the nights were chilly, my kids know that I love fire in the fireplaces on cold, snowy nights…this was just the MOST AMAZING, CREATIVE GIFT we have ever gotten. How incredible are our kids? The fact that they even wanted to give us a gift, something to give us happiness in our finally repaired house, is the most thoughtful gift I/we have ever received. Personally, I love everything about a fireplace, watching flames and now this…..To our wonderful kids, the best human beings I know, THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts. WE LOVE IT and as always, WE LOVE YOU MORE. Love, Mom and Dad

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