Untitled

Dog on the weir

Dog on the weir (Photo credit: Steve-h)

Everything I try to write seems awkward. Nothing flows like water winding down from a river or a stream. I am thinking in short, staccato, choppy sentences even though I am feeling more in harmony. Maybe different parts of me have to catch up with each other, I don’t know. I feel that I don’t have anything to write about but I’m sure I do. Or do I?

The grief that I have gone through the last three weeks over my dog dying has been intense but it is better now. People grieve in different ways; I need to cry and let it come out and I need to look at my dog’s picture and have a conversation with her ( it’s easier than saying she had a conversation with me because most people think I’m a nut case) but we did talk. I am cherishing the ten amazing, pain-free years we had together which were nothing short of a miracle, all hugs and kisses, warmth and happiness. We both had a very good life. Change, especially shock, is NOT something I am good with but we all learn to adapt, we have no choice.

Of course I still look for her to give her the remnants of my hamburger and yes, I do wait for her at the blue front door but she is not there. I keep wanting to say “Up, Up” for her to come on my bed and lie next to me, her most favorite place, but ten years is a long time to automatically forget things like that. I don’t feel the stabbing pain anymore which is good. I will love her always but I know I can love another dog too, I also know she would want me too.

I look through the pages of the ASPCA, I drove to the shelter I brought Callie home from to pay my respects; my husband is adamant he is not ready for another dog. I do not live in a vacuum, I must respect my other family members on the other hand, they need to respect me too. I’m in a bit of a quandary. I don’t want to adopt a dog this second but I have to admit looking at adoptable dogs is making me happy, the thought of adopting a homeless dog is giving me a reason to smile.

However, ten years ago, I did not have Fibromyalgia and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis; I was also ten years younger and I really need to think about that, seriously. Will I be too weak, as I am some days, to take this as yet unnamed dog for a walk? Will my joints hurt so much that all I want to do is lie on the bed and sleep? I don’t have an honest answer for that. Callie was a dog that was gentle and she was a homebody, she didn’t particularly like being away from home so a small walk was fine, being in the backyard was even better. I know if I had an energetic dog that had to run for miles I would be unhappy and so would he/she. That would not be a good match and not fair to either of us. Of course I would try to be matched up with a gentle dog but that possibility of chance is always there.

I’m a little scared.

I also really miss having a dog in my life.

Any thoughts, comments or advice appreciated.

6 thoughts on “Untitled

  1. Laurie — Judy’s suggestions provide several great ideas … I didn’t know about the “tests” for alpha (that’s great to know) … but perhaps until your hub is ready, volunteering at the shelter would help you fill the “fur need”, but also help with a choice … you’d be able to observe and interact for the perfect fit!

    According to your note, Callie passed shortly after we lost Tippy … I totally understand where you are … in missing her, and having conversations with her. No, you are not “nuts” — it is possible to communicate with animals, and animal companions not only while they are physically present, but also in spirit.

    Keeping you in healing thoughts …

    Thank you, for visiting and leaving such sweet and very generous feedback. I appreciate it. xoxo ~~ becca

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  2. Hi Laurie,

    It’s nice to read that you want to have a dog. I think a doglover is always a doglover. They are our beautiful little drops of heaven and friends. I also like that you have let your tears flow and talked with Callie. My girl Free and I talked for three straight days. Free and Callie, both so beautiful!

    When I met Ruthie, she was the quietest dog in the shelter. I would have missed her if I hadn’t had my friend with me. She noticed her. Ruthie just put her paw on the cage. So softly she touched my finger. Never making a sound while all the other dogs were jumping and barking. Oh, I love her! I can’t imagine not having met her.

    Wishing you well, and also read your other post, so wishing you strength to get thru the college visits.

    Big hugs, Love Michelle.

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  3. Big Sis…you know how much I love dogs…so I think everyone in the world who is kind and loving should have a dog…u are in that category. I respect ur hubbys feelings on the matter…and I hope soon he changes his mind and will begin to look at all the homeless little furry babies out there that need a loving home like yours…and he might see that u need a companion for when he’s at work or away…that u need a bedmate to hang with u on ur worst days…to cuddle with and converse with (yes, it’s perfectly normal to talk to ur doggy! lol)….as far as worrying about ur age or health, just get a dog that doesn’t need too much exercise or grooming care…non shedding dogs, little dogs…and the suggestions by mental makeover are perfect to follow. Research breeds….keep showing hubby the cute photos? I guess in time u will decide whether u want another pup in ur life…but I think u do….so we just gotta convince one other person…right? 😉 Maybe in a few weeks or months he will decide he prefers a home with a sweet and furry cuddle ball roaming around it…? I hope so! For your sake and the sake of some special little canine out there! Hugs to u Big Sis!
    Tammy

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    • I DO want another dog, don’t want to push hubby by showing him photos yet. i guess i need to wait it out….for a little while. we need to see where his next job assignment is. if it is far away, then the dog will be here. if it’s close to home, I may have to compromise. that’s fine. i want all of us to be happy and i would always go to a shelter or pet finder. love, big sis

      Warm wishes, Laurie https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com

      >________________________________

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  4. A dog trainer told me that if I wanted an easy going dog these were some of the things to do when I adopted a dog take it into a “play area” and do the following:
    1. Flip it over on it’s back. If it relaxes it’s not alpha and not aggressive.
    2. While on it’s back put your hands around it’s neck (this is what the mother does with it’s mouth to control the puppies) and if it stays without fighting to turn over it’s not alpha
    3. Walk away from it and see if it follows or if it goes away and then comes back to you and follows you it’s not alpha.
    4. Some big dogs – like Greyhounds – are sweet, gentle and couch potatoes. (There are Greyhound rescue groups that rescue the greyhounds that would be put to sleep after they are no longer wanted to race)
    5. Do not get a terrier mix – in general terriers are stubborn and active (Yup that’s Max).

    I got through # 3 but neglected #5 cuz he was so cute!

    In the meantime, if I were to give out unasked for advice – which of course I NEVER do – but IF I were to give you a SUGGESTION it COULD, MIGHT, POSSIBLY BE to think about volunteering at an animal shelter to get a doggy “fix”, create purpose in your life and honor Callie.

    (Take the time now while your husband is still getting ready to read up on the different breeds so you can look for a dog that doesn’t need exercise and is not dominant. There are lots of rescue organizations that rescue pure breds and give them foster parents who can tell you exactly the temperment of the doggie.)

    My last “suggestion”. Ask Callie what she would want you to do or not do. Listen for the answer. You’ll know

    xxxxxxxxxx J.

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