Life, Not Made Easy

An elderly couple comfort each other- Part of ...

An elderly couple comfort each other- Part of Paul Ganuchaud’s relief depicting life behind the front-line being one of two reliefs which form the Fort Mahon Plage monument aux morts. Fort Mahon Plage is in the Somme region of France. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m 55 years old and still battling the stomach bug I got yesterday. With me, you never know if I caught this from my daughter or if it’s one of Fibromyalgia’s side effects rearing its ugly horse head again. All I know is that what I wanted was to be ten again and for my mom to make me two soft-boiled eggs in a dish, with crumbled up pieces of toast and a pat of butter all mixed together. That’s what I wanted and I didn’t want to make it myself.

I am lucky enough that my mom is still alive and so I called her and told her how I was feeling. “I wish for that too” she said somberly, the effects of getting older weighing heavily on her these past few days. She worries about me and I worry about her, not that it makes any difference at all but it feels good to know someone cares. Life, since my father died has been very difficult for her, for all of us, but on certain days she is inconsolable. Her friends are dying or very sick and getting old “is no pleasure.”

When my husband left today to go back to Rochester for work I felt sad and I couldn’t prevent a tear or two from trickling down my face. It’s hard when he goes but it feels impossible when he goes and I’m really sick. I can handle most everything on my own, Fibromyalgia and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, but when I get a stomach flu on top of that? I fall apart. I feel vulnerable and scared and alone. This is the worst of Fibromyalgia for me, not the pain or the aches, I can deal with those because I am used to them. It’s when something unexpected comes up that is out of the norm, that’s when I crash and feel vulnerable and all I want to do is stay in my bed and cry.

Since we got the new puppy, it’s like having a toddler again, a biting, misbehaving toddler. I know she is young and will grow out of it but again, when I am not feeling well everything seems like so much of an effort. I’m sure friends would help if I asked them but I usually try to “save” my favors for important things. I’ve decided I’ll be better tomorrow, I have no other choice.

I’ve tried to accept life’s curve balls and I always needed 24 hours to get used to a new, bad, situation. I don’t think I have that luxury anymore. Bad things happen to most of us, except for a lucky few, and it seems like they are happening all the time. Was it always like this? I truly don’t believe so but maybe we were so young and naïve and having fun, we just didn’t notice.

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4 thoughts on “Life, Not Made Easy

  1. coincidences like your sister calling happen. it’s not good she’s heading into depression. sorry Dan hates his job — the job front is supposed to be better, perhaps he can find something else.
    Glad to hear you’re recovering from the flu! Hubby and I have been feeling “off” for a while, and we wonder if we’re coming down with something or its stress and worry and lack of sleep. We’ll have to see.
    I have been getting a lot of headaches — a week of headaches cycling through sinus-related, allergy-related, tension and migraines. None last week, but started up again last night! Not a lot of fun. I started the generic version of topomax — health insurance wouldn’t allow brand name — we’ll have to see if it works.
    So, I haven’t been on the computer as much — hard to do much when I get a real cranium (spelling) crusher thumper of a headache which I’ve been getting.
    Take good care.

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  2. hope you’re feeling better soon — the flu is such an awful thing to go thru! take good care of yourself. Ellen D.G has won the Mark Twain Award for Humor — a big deal — and she goes to Washington to accept from the prez (I think it’s the prez who gives the award to the winner) Thought that might cheer you up! Hope it’s one of those short flus. How’s your daughter feeling? — hope she has recovered and can take care of the puppy.

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    • hi, thanks for asking. I’m fine today. what usually takes a few hours for some people or a day, takes double for me. the puppy is a viscious little beast, I know she’s only teething but still….I feel like a raw steak. since you are back on FB i’m sure you have seen photos of her. looks like a sweet little thing…..isn’t. I think she will get big! I’m glad Ellen DG will get the award, she deserves it. If you’ve read the post about my sister, I was quite surprised to get a phone call from her today. I think she’s heading to a depression, she didn’t sound so good but she hates her job. Dan HATES his job too, it’s not easy out there is it? How are you doing? L.

      Warm wishes, Laurie https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com

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