Carry On Tuesday: Dear Students

CIMG2148.JPG

CIMG2148.JPG (Photo credit: afcool83)

Announcement To All Incoming Freshmen.

Welcome to your first year of college. I’m sorry I can’t meet with you in person but this speech has been taped because I am no longer able to leave the President’s house due to my physical limitations.

The President and I want you to have a lot of fun and to work hard and learn many different things. Learn about the things you want to study, and about different people who you will meet from all over the country. We want you to learn about life. Life can be scary and painful sometimes. I hope this never happens to you but unfortunately it may hit you way down the road at some unexpected point.  When you are young you don’t notice those things, because you feel invincible. You should. Enjoy that special time while it lasts because before you know it, you will become a grown-up and it is really not much fun at all. You get older, you have illnesses, physical disabilities that you never thought of when you were in college. That’s good. Enjoy your time here because life, later on, gets more complicated.

I know you won’t listen to me, you are laughing at such a silly old woman, trying to tell a bunch of freshmen to enjoy their youth. I know. I don’t expect you to believe me because I wouldn’t have believed me either and that’s a good thing. Have fun, be safe but enjoy these next four years of absolute joy. Sure, you may squabble with your roommate or be upset over your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend but this will pass, with time. Also, believe it or not, you will learn from all your experiences, good and bad. These years will shape your future life. Don’t waste them.

When you get old, like I am now, the world feels like a dangerous place. You question every symptom you have, every threat of terror, every nuance. The good thing is, you just don’t care that much anymore about what other people think. Surround yourself with good friends and try to appreciate your family, those that love you best and will always love you.

There will be some hard times ahead, I know you can’t picture that but it may happen in the future. Know this, when you have somebody who loves you, someone you can count on, it makes life, a whole lot easier.

Enjoy your time here, welcome to your first year of college. Be safe, be happy, have fun.

Thank you.

I Miss You, Ann Curry (Pop Cop)

Cropped photo of Ann Curry

Ann, Ann, Ann. I miss you on the news and I think you got screwed, pardon the language. You were, to me, the only reason to watch the show (I admit to being a big fan of the WABC, Good Morning America). I won’t ever watch Matt Lauer and the gang again. Ann, I am on your side. Look how nice WABC is to their hosts/correspondents?!)  They feel like a solid family and not some feuding teenagers in your angry-sabotage-siblings show. Between us gals, who is  the new “host?” Where did she come from? Why?

Does no one believe in loyalty anymore? I don’t think this would have happened many years ago and I don’t like it. It certainly would not have happened on my favorite channel WABC-TV. You worked so hard and you were able to show your love and concern for people and their stories without being melodramatic. You were the perfect combination of sophistication and heart. What is it these days with people replacing others on a whim? They should have least polled their (now dwindling) viewing audience before letting you go because I know you would have gotten the popular vote.

The new woman, (what’s her name?) I think it’s something like Samantha Sunshine but I really don’t care enough to research it. I don’t LIKE her, I feel like she is the evil step- sister and you are Cinderella. Does WNBC know that people love a Cinderella ending? Who would watch movies if the evil step-sister ended up with the prince? It is simply wrong, all wrong.

Matt Lauer, what the hell is up with you? You have become arrogant, incredibly arrogant and it shows. Do you wield that much power?  You should have stood up for Ann Curry with a gallant “if she goes I go” but somehow I don’t think that is your style, actually I would bet money on it. You really wanted Ann out didn’t you? Just admit it. What did you have against Ann? Dude, you have issues, major issues.

I’m sticking with loyalty. Bigwigs at WNBC NY, you messed up. Badly. Letting Ann Curry go for seemingly no reason at all (did I hear you didn’t like her clothing?!!) was wrong. Why don’t you do something and try to reinvent yourself based on good morals and good people. I hope your ratings go down (oh wait, they have) maybe then you will appreciate Ann Curry and her work. Fans like loyalty. You blew it. Big time. Want to watch a quality show? Turn the channel to the WABC, Good Morning America FAMILY. Learn from them.

P.S  Al Roker….you stare scared me today but at least you are giving Matt Lauer attitude. You rock, stick up for Ann, someone should….

Haiku Heights-Green

A Thick Forest

A Thick Forest (Photo credit: Jon Person)

*Envy steals the soul

Gripping, stomach shooting, pain

Life lost in the past

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Forest, milky dew

Inhaling fir, musty leaves

Crisp apples of sun

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Ocean, sea of lights

Tumbling green, gray-blue colors

Looking for lace foam.

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*Dedicated To Tammy Spice, who once had a doctor that destroyed her life. I wish I could take the pain away from you. Please keep on fighting.

Mellow Yellow Monday

Mellow, Yellow, Monday, Melons!

I recently discovered delightful, yellow, Canary melons and am now addicted to them.

English: Canary melons cut and whole.

English: Canary melons cut and whole. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Juicier than a cantaloupe, refreshing and sweet, Canary melons are my

new favorite thing.

Hope you can find one before the summer ends. Enjoy!

Plinky Prompt: What Stresses You Out The Most

    • So Stressful!
    • “You Worry Too Much” DUH.
      stress I stress myself out by worrying. Worrying about my kids, my husband, my dog, my mother, my sister, my friends, victims I don’t know and I worry about myself. I worry about sickness, death, and the flavor of the week on the news i.e. terrible shootings. Worrying about worrying. I “pre-worry” when I have absolutely NO CONTROL over any outcome. In psychiatric terms it is called “anticipatory anxiety.” What good does that do me? IT DOESN’T DO A DARN THING. Yes, I know this but sometimes it’s hard to switch the channel. I am too sensitive in both a good way and a bad. I am incredibly sensitive to others, compassionate and intuitive at the same time I take on other people’s issues to heart and feel for others. A lot. I have tried to change a million times with no luck. I have heard “You are too sensitive” so many times I could scream (especially when it is said by totally insensitive people) I KNOW THAT, I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY. So, give me a break. I do deep breathing, I’ve tried all the tricks but this is who I am. PLEASE, TRY TO BE understanding, know I worry because I love and I care. Maybe I care too much but don’t you think that’s better than not caring at all? If I could be a cold-hearted, non-worrying-bitch I’d have a much easier life. Sorry, no can do. I worry. I care. And that’s okay.
    • Previous Answer

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Plinky Prompt: When you were five….

  • When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did it happen? See all answers
  • Fireman? Ballerina?
  • Taranaki St. Free Kindergarten, Wellington

    A Kindergarten teacher.

    I always loved little children, still do and I know I have a great way with kids, especially shy kids. I didn’t become a teacher because my roommates in college were always doing these art projects and I am NOT crafty.
    Needless to say, I think it was a mistake because I would have been a creative and loving teacher.
    Instead, I worked with grown-ups, counseling, hiring and doing negotiations. I should have stuck with the young crowd, they are so much nicer!

*Carry on Tuesday: A few of my favorite things

English: Breat Cancer ribbons

Wherever I go, I arrive early. Not on time like most people but about twenty minutes before my scheduled appointment. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no rush to be in any doctor’s office, especially this doctor. I think ‘I just want to be there and get it over with.’ The walls are pale pink, the chairs alternate between fuchsia and plum, first one than the other, all around the room. When I am here I just want to re-arrange the chairs, put all the fuchsia together and then the plum or put all the chairs in the middle of the room and stack them up. I know this room well. This morning I sit in the waiting room with a woman named Mary, she is here alone too. Once in a while a husband, boyfriend, lover, brother comes too. I sit here with my anxiety waiting for the nurse to call my name.

My doctor is the product of two old hippies, his first name is Pond. No really, I couldn’t make that up if I tried. Pond enters the examining room and I automatically sit straight up, with the blue hospital gown open in the front. He is a breast surgeon that I see every every year. He examines my breasts, first one than the other; I wish he would close his eyes but mostly he stares into space. He starts talking about his vacation in the Hamptons and I shush him, telling him to concentrate. He laughs and says “It’s a good thing I’m not chewing gum, right?” I say a quick, terse yes. I am waiting for him to say, the usual breezy, “it’s all good” but this time he goes over and over one spot on my right breast and kneads it as if he is making bread. I become perfectly still and feel freezing cold in less than one second.

I pick up on another vibe in the room that has changed; I know something is wrong. He straightens up and in his bright blue eyes there is a new hue of concern. His face is still unreadable but his forehead now has deep wrinkles. I have never seen that before but I have always dreaded it. “There’s a mass, ” he says. He has me feel what he feels, but I barely want to touch my body since there seems to be an intruder there, a most unwelcome guest. This is a feeling I had before when I needed a biopsy of a lump, thirty years ago. I was very young then and very naive.  I remember my parents drove up from New York to Boston to stay with me while I waited for the results. Dear God, those feelings of fear and panic come back immediately.

Now, I am a postmenopausal woman but before I was a youngster, a youngster in shock. I remember going to the doctor with my best friend. ‘It would be nothing,’ we thought but I ended up needing surgery though the lump turned out to be benign. I remember staring into the mirror and drinking coffee, day by day, early in the morning of my one bedroom apartment and wondering how I could still drink coffee normally and function at work with this huge secret.

I have to focus now but I can’t; crazy things go through my mind like the scene in Mary Poppins with the chimney sweeps dancing. I see Lassie in the closing credits where he puts his paw up and remember that my sister and I always loved that part the best. I try to remember the lyrics of a song I just bought on iTunes that reminds me of my teenagers but my mind goes blank.

The nurse schedules me to come back in a few days for a needle biopsy, that is familiar too. I try to remain perfectly still, trying to clear the thoughts and panic clouding my mind but it is virtually impossible. What can I focus on, I ask myself? My daughter’s blue eyes, my son’s olive complexion, my husband’s kiss on top of my head, my sister and I posing for photographs on a rooftop in Brooklyn Heights, my mother’s soft hands. I try to picture my puppy Lucy but the images change to my deceased dog, Storm, who died unexpectedly and dramatically of cancer of the spleen. I can only try to remember highlights of my past favorite things. It’s my only chance of survival: I remember the free trip to Hawaii when we were upgraded to first class, the small town of Roses near Barcelona, Spain. My favorite memory, sunsets at  Cape Cod when the children were young, when we were all young. I try to imagine these things to steer my mind away from the doctor and nurse talking to me about scheduling a possible biopsy of my breast tissue yet I can’t remember one thing they said. As soon as you feel like you are a patient, you become one. I feel weak and tired, sore, and very, very cold even though it is 93 degrees outside and humid.

I need to drive home, alone, in my car down the parkway that winds and bends dramatically. How can I calm myself down enough to do this and not crash my car into a tree? I have no idea. I turn on the engine and on automatic pilot, I just point my car in the right direction. Luckily, the car seems to take over and I am just a passenger at the wheel, driving slowly, steadily, on my way home.

*I wrote this last night before my appointment. While some of the facts are true, the end and some details are all FICTION.

Haiku Heights – Soul

Sun Catcher

Sun Catcher (Photo credit: ecstaticist)

Soul mates intertwined

Staring at the starry night

Sun, moon, darkness, love

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Deep inside, my love

Bleeding hearts echo in sin

Learning not to kiss

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Sinewy angels

Dip their glittered souls in rage

Their throaty laughter

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The red flower laughs

A life to be reckoned with

we, of the same earth