Carry On Tuesday: What is a friend?

Two friends

Two friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What is a friend? Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I used to know, or so I thought. But, things change constantly, people change, and someone who might have been a friend to me in high school, does not necessarily mean that we would be friends now. You can have life-long friends and also period friends, those that belong in a time and place where memories and laughter should stay. Maybe, it’s just ME who has changed. I accept different things, fewer things, now that I am older.

On one hand I have a lot more tolerance, yet, I now tolerate a lot less. Can you understand that? It does seem hypocritical but it isn’t at all. I have so much more tolerance for all sorts of people and things and I don’t judge people quickly but at the same time I will not put up with things that do not serve me well, i.e. many years ago I used to put up with a friend that was funny but also very negative; a person who gossiped incessantly and made me feel bad about myself. I didn’t like who I was when I was with this person. Our friendship ended, not in a fight or a fury and while I no longer have her occasional funny self, I also don’t have her negative pathology weighing me down. It’s been years now and I don’t miss one thing about our past friendship, in fact I feel a lot happier.

I can meet a new friend in the blink of an eye and it will be mutual, we will laugh, enjoy the same things and feel an instant connection. With all good intentions to get together, it won’t happen and I have learned to be alright with that. It used to hurt me terribly but I have grown up and old and I understand that things sometimes do not work out even though everything seemed right. Things happen, if it doesn’t work, let it go. Life is complicated. It wasn’t meant to be….move on.

So, to answer what is a friend you need to look at yourself first. What is a friend to you? What do you need in a friendship? I need support and trust, dependability and warmth. I not only need to like that person but to like the person I am with you. You learn, you have to like and love yourself first.

Friendship is a gift, a slow, warming present, shared over a cup of coffee, or iced water and over time, if it is meant to be, it evolves with trust and the deepening begins like the wrinkles on my face, etched with memory, mutual understanding and love.

4 thoughts on “Carry On Tuesday: What is a friend?

  1. Beautifully written, Laurie, and I couldn’t agree more with everything you said!
    I count myself as very, very blessed to have you as my friend ~ thank you, dear one!
    *gentle hugs*


  2. Pingback: friendship bracelets: carry on tuesday a day late | Phylor's Blog

  3. Such a good post Big Sis. I have been thinking about friendships lately too. There are different types of friends, different times in our lives gives us different friends…we have childhood friends, who we feel so close to and share everything with..unfortunately sometimes people move away and lose touch. Life goes on, you make new friends in college, and young adulthood…maybe you keep them during starting your own young families…or not.

    As you get older sometimes its harder to find friends…especially if you dont work outside the home. Sometimes we have friends we have had for many years and we travel together, raise our kids together, support each other during the hardtimes of life…sometimes we take our friends for granted and forget to appreciate them.

    Then there are friends who we feel so close to, yet we have never met in person! I hav a few of these, and you are one of them! I fail to keep up with friends quite often these days, due to my dang pain…my fatigue…its just keeping me from even just typing messages to friends…like right now Im literally on the livingroom floor with a pillow wedged under my side, crying as my daughter looks on…Im typing on my phone thru my tears…Im not saying this for pity or advice, just to let you know I value our friendship enough to say so as best i can during one of my major pain episodes.

    I wish we lived close enough to have coffee together! That would be great! But honestly, i can rarely see the friends i have right here around me due to not feeling well. Sometimes i wish friends could just come over and hang out to watch a movie…but everyone has busy lives and my pain doesnt make me a fun company…but anyway…Im your friend…always & forever!



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