Clown Underpants

Hospital Bed

Hospital Bed (Photo credit: Indiana Public Media)

Last week, when the nurse in the hospital gave me a warmed blue blanket I thought she was an angel from heaven. I had already been waiting three hours for my 15 minute procedure in the outpatient unit in our local hospital. I was there for a Cystoscopy, having a camera, pretty much shoved up your bladder and beyond. I had already been given 10mg of Valium orally; (why do they tell you, you aren’t supposed to take a sip of water or anything at home when they offer you these drugs with water in the hospital like candy at a Halloween party?)

The nurse did get permission from the arrogant anesthesiologist who took my disclaimer of incredibly painful TMJ, another side effect from Fibromyalgia, with a shrug of his shoulders and a basic “not my problem” attitude. Kudos to my doctor who apparently switched anesthesiologist so a lovely Doctor replaced him and she used a different drug and didn’t have to wire my jaw open wide, thank you! You were kind, gentle and I remember your sweet, assuring smile that I would be dopey and sleepy in about……..and that was it.

Next thing I knew I was in some hall with my name being called way too loudly. “Laurie, Laurie” are you awake, wake up!” the nurses shouted and I had no idea where I was or even who I was. After saying “Where am I?” not at all original, I remember I uttered my husband’s name and someone went to get him. Apparently the procedure was over and I was in the hallway.  The same nurse brought me huge, mesh “clown” underpants which, I found hysterical. Let’s just blame it on the drugs. (but really they were SO funny!) I wish I hadn’t thrown them away!

Oh, those memories just come flooding back, pun intended. No one told me or prepared me that after a cystoscopy I would get cramping and pain and bleeding and would need the same supplies I needed when I still had my cycle; that pain was familiar. It’s funny how when we try to recreate happiness it’s hard to do but pain? We remember it vividly.

I wasn’t hungry anymore or thirsty, I was just tired and the only thing that interested me was a cup of coffee.  My pounding head felt as if a boomerang was bouncing between each lobe of my brain, what’s left of it that is. With Fibromyalgia comes “Fibro Fog” I don’t need to define if for those of you who have it, but for others who don’t know what it is: it’s an extended brain freeze. It bothers us much more than you, even if you have to hear repeated stories. It makes us feel stupid, old, daft and like we have dementia. We forget what we have done five minutes ago, it’s sad. Forgive us and try to be kind.

Finally home, I crawled into our bed, Lexi, my dog, climbing on and lying across my feet, her way to say she cares, not leaving my side. She licked each finger, I stroked her fur. Grateful to be home, to be in bed, I thanked my guardian angels for keeping me safe, I held one silver guardian angel key chain in my hand. Most of all, I told my husband how much I love him and how grateful I am for all that he does for me and to the nurse that brought me the warm blue blanket: thank you, it’s the little things that make all the difference. I appreciate all of my friends, especially, my on-line friends who support me and care for me without ever meeting me. You mean the world to me too!

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8 thoughts on “Clown Underpants

  1. I’m sorry it was so rough… I had one of those at age 16 (diagnosis: something that looked like chicken pox inside my bladder!) and remember how traumatic it was. No one even explained what they were going to do. I remember the anestheseologist, who I hadn’t met beforehand, had a heavy Russian accent, and as he put the mask on my face and instructed me to count backwards, my sedative-addled brain went into panic mode as I thought, “Oh my gosh, they’ve given me to the Russians for some kind of experimentation!” It was 1979 and I guess the Cold War was getting to me! 😉

    I hope you are recovering well. General anesthesia is harder on our bodies than it is for healthy folks, and you might flare, so get lots of rest, and take good care of you for me, okay?
    Much Love & many healing thoughts ~
    Ash

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      • Ohh! I just remembered the other thing that happened! When I woke up from the anesthesia, I urgently told the nurse I had to pee, and she replied, “Don’t worry, honey, you already are.” And then she walked away! This made -zero- sense to me, especially only half conscious, so I called her back the next time I surfaced, and repeated myself. I thought I was about to wet the gurney! Well, she said the same dang thing, which *still* made -zero- sense to me. I passed out again, and when I woke up the third time, we went thru the whole conversation again, word for word.
        Finally (!!!) she held up a plastic bag hanging off the bed rail I explained that I had a catheter in! This was quite the shock for my 16 year old mind to absorb, I’ll tell ya! I’ve NO idea why no one explained all this to me in advance. I’d been admtted because I was peeing a lot of blood, and it was my 3rd day in the hospital. Plenty of time!
        It is really such a traumatic experience, or, at least it was for me. *shudder*
        *GIANT hugs*

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  2. CERTAINLY NOT going to give YOU, sweetheart, more to worry about. Not a chance. Besides, I had my guardian angel keychain in my hand. Loved your great news! I’m excited for you and the kids. Something nice to think about, yeah! I’m still worrying about you. Keep me updated and don’t disappear, what did the new Dr. say?

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  3. Are there any of your body’s orifices left that they haven’t explored, poked or prodded? If there are any don’t let “them” know.

    Lexi is really making up for the times she was “implicated” in your falling. I’m glad you didn’t give her away!

    Here’s to feeling good or at least ok. I settle for OK a lot.
    xxxxx xxxxx One for each finger

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    • I was NEVER going to give her away, that was my mother’s idea. I am grateful though that she is settling down a little (the dog not my mother). As far as orifices…nope-have had everything from my head (eyes:narrow angled glaucoma to my toes (bunionectomy.) I accept it. No other way to deal with it. The sprains and fractures, tonsils, gall bladder, lump in my breast,Eppiglottitis (2x) I’m not even counting. I’m good with okay, really!!! NO DRAMA IS FINE ❤

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  4. Those warm blankets are the best! No more of these top secret procedures! I’m getting freaked out! But i’m sorry I haven’t been online to know what’s going on! Well All I want to say is love you and I want you to stay well! I know u want that too!
    Love you big sis!
    Tammy

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