Carry on Tuesday: The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again

Love Love Love

Love Love Love (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

Dear Rachel,

I know this letter will come as a surprise but I needed to explain things to you. I’m writing it because you are my best friend and I trust you. I’m sorry I never told you before but I think you knew. I can see you, sitting in your oak office, reading this with your long red hair, nodding up and down, chewing on your nails like you have done since we were ten.

You were right, I DID have a secret but I couldn’t share it with you or anyone else. I have cheated on Don for the past 5 years with a man named Mark. We love each other so much. Unfortunately, we are both married to other people. As much as I love him, I hate myself for what I am doing. We’ve probably broken up the same amount of times we’ve been together; it’s a horrible situation. If I even came close enough to smell the musky after shave he wears, I weaken.  He has a way of making me feel so incredible with just his burning brown eyes on mine. Every organ inside me would start melting, like those gooey, grilled cheese sandwiches we used to make on top of a simmering stove. I have to be honest. I hate the person I’ve become but I’ve loved him in a way I didn’t even know existed and I can’t give that up even though I have tried.

It’s hard to describe the way he makes me feel: Priceless? Special? Extraordinary? Those words don’t even come close. Don has never made me feel that way, no man has and I’m not talking in just a sexual way either. My soul felt  connected to Mark as well as my body. He stroked my skin, like I was a calico kitten, for hours, just doing that and whispering how lovely I was in a low, soft whisper like the sound of the running creek right outside my window. Steady, rippling, constant. I wouldn’t move for hours. I felt so loved by him and his words; it is what I lived for as infrequent as it was.

He has a wife and two daughters back home and when he even eludes to them I would become terribly angry. He never lied to me about them, he told me he did not want to leave his children, but of course, I thought I could change his mind. He and his wife have no relationship at all. I thought the love we had together MUST be stronger than the love he had for his family. Every time he left I told him not to come back, but he would call……and it would start again. I tried so hard to break up with him, I truly did but we would always find our way back to each other. I couldn’t live my life without him and I hated my life and what I was doing with him.

I have nothing against Don, he is a sweet man. But, we live as companions, we eat together, we travel together, that’s it. It’s a comfortable life and I accept it and I was okay with that until Mark entered my life; I never looked for Mark, we met on an airplane.

I hate that I am lying and deceiving Don but I continue to do so, I cannot stop. I don’t know if Mark will leave his family, he says he “wants to” but that it is “difficult and complicated.” I love Mark and I always will.  I am getting more out of control, these past few weeks. That’s why I haven’t returned your calls. I can’t think, I hate myself, I hate both my lives.  When the pain of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again, you have to ask yourself, at what cost?

By the time you read this letter, I will be dead. It’s been planned for weeks. I plan to swallow a lot of pills and drink a lot of alcohol and then drive my car late at night and speed as fast as I can down the hill into the ocean and pray I drown. At least I know I won’t be hurting any more people since it’s our property.

I can’t live in both worlds any longer; I don’t deserve to live in one.

Love, Kate

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13 thoughts on “Carry on Tuesday: The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again

  1. Pingback: Thought Ripples – Changing the Status Quouo | Two Voices, One Song

  2. Are you craving salt Laurie….OY! Another symptom. Tell Katy to write to Dear Abby before she takes those pills. She will tell her that Mark will never leave his wife….they never do. And why would he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free.

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  3. Geez Peachy, Please put a disclaimer on this piece: “No real husbands were harmed in the course of writing.”
    P.S. If you elaborate MORE on the ooey, gooey ooey grilled “sandwiches”, leave off the suicidal part, you could have a best seller. Maybe, 7 Shades of Grilling, or Main Courses and Desserts I have “Had”, or Eat Dessert First . . .

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    • You crack me up. We all need a little twist or action. No disclaimers.Though the ooey, gooey grilled cheese sandwiches are sounding mighty good right about now. Your loving, Peachy Jr.ps glad to hear you are feeling better.

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      • Alas, I’m not feeling better. Just got back from picking up an Rx for cough syrup before my head blows off and my chest collapses. I’m exhausted, snorting, hacking and trying to hold on to whatever dignity is left.

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      • wow, I’m so sorry. You were so funny I thought you HAD to be back to your”young” self. Heart ok? I just read somewhere that coughs can linger for up to 18 weeks….I know you don’t want to hear that. The good news is you do live in a warm climate. I’m freezing my’tuchis” off in this frozen tundra.

        Warm wishes, Laurie https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com

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      • Aiy, yi yi !!! 18 weeks weeks of phlaming phlegm! (I am trying to spare you from the “M” word). That makes frozen “tuchis” sound like a delicacy. Have you tried it covered in chocolate? Just asking . . .
        Don’t know how it’s impacting my heart – have had to cancel all my doctor’s appointments cuz I’ve been too sick to go . . . (I’m serious).

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      • NO, NO, NO, just a soft whisper of a delicate lingering cough. double oy to you. I should go to my internist too but I’m afraid of getting the flu there (i mean really, the stakes are high) that I don’t want to go. what’s a little blacking out here and there? low bp. Dan is an EMT. I’ll eat more salt….the two of us, they should put us in a home. but u win since you have the nice weather.

        Warm wishes, Laurie https://hibernationnow.wordpress.com

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