You Just Can’t Fight Crazy

Matti

Matti (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People don’t always get along, that’s a given. Some people cringe at confrontation and try to hide their heads under the mattress to avoid dealing with it or slither away to swimmingly escape the idea of a fight. I don’t mind verbal fighting as long as it is a fair fight. If the parameters are clear, I will not shy away; I don’t seek fights but I am willing to defend myself or anyone I love for the right reasons. Fairness and honesty are incredibly important to me. “Just don’t lie to me” I used to tell my children when they were teenagers (not that it was a hundred percent successful.) It’s the Libra in me, I’m sure, needing balance and honesty, hating dishonesty with a passion.

There are times when, as a friend of mine is experiencing, you find yourself in the middle of a situation where you have NO control. Her son and daughter in law have decided, without explanation, that  Grandma and Grandpa can not see their children anymore. No reason, no explanation. Grandma is absolutely heartbroken, confused and in shock. There was no explanation, that to me, is not a fair fight. She has tried numerous times, to try to talk to them, to understand what she did but they won’t talk. She took care of their two girls when they were both working full-time and when the parents picked up the kids, the kids would cry and did not want to leave their grandmother’s house. That is a key issue, in my opinion.

Personally, I think, the mom was jealous of the kids’ warm and loving connection to their grandmother, maybe the daughter in law demanded that the husband make a choice between his mom and his wife? That is pure conjecture on my part but it seems feasible, doesn’t it?  The son, apparently used to be very close to his mother.”It’s either her or me” comes to mind and guess who lost? Grandma did and she was not even allowed to see or talk to her granddaughters again without knowing why. She had Valentine’s Day cards she had bought in advance and presents. Even worse, her daughter-in-law is pregnant with a boy and she fears she will never even meet this new grandchild.

They won’t talk to her, answer her e-mails, they literally have cut her out of their lives. It is an unfair, unbalanced fight. I think it is absolutely cruel. Intentionally cruel. They want to make her suffer and they have succeeded. Having loving, involved grandparents is an absolute gift and yet the parents won’t even TALK to the grandparents to make things right again. Not even an e-mail. Grandma and Grandpa don’t even KNOW what they have done wrong, ( or more likely if they have done anything wrong.) This was a large, connected and loving family, celebrating birthdays and holidays together, now it is in fragments; all the rest of the family on Grandma’s side.

There are times in all our lives when things are unjust and even Libras like myself have to accept, take it in and let it go. Life IS unfair sometimes. We have to accept that people are sometimes too stubborn or too sick and too hurtful to be rational. Apparently, the couple are not even thinking about their own children who must feel abandoned by their grandmother and grandfather who loved them and cared for them daily. Grandma has no way of telling them that she still loves them and misses them. As hard as it is, she has no choice but to accept this horrible deal. There is nothing else she can do. They won’t let her. It is literally breaking her heart, she cries endlessly and can only talk about this one topic. She knows “she can’t fight crazy” but that doesn’t mean she has stopped fighting and has accepted her life.  I almost wish she would.

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5 thoughts on “You Just Can’t Fight Crazy

  1. My niece has done the same thing to me. Cut off all contact, I’ve never met her children or her husband. Her son is 8 now….her daughter is 2.
    She will not tell me what I’ve done to cause this. She says I’m an evil person. I know she has mental issues and will not get treated, but that doesn’t heal the pain.
    I cannot imagine what my grand nephew thinks about his grandmother’s sister.

    I do speak to my sister, and she will not “get involved, it’s between the two of us”. So I’m left out there too. It would be easier if I could just cut myself off from all of them, the venom I feel from my niece (the child who I loved more than life itself) is way too toxic for me to bear. But I stay in contact with my sister because of my elderly father. We will have to make decisions about him together, some day.
    And I can’t be more than just surface friendly with my sister because she never mentions her family to me. There is this big rift. My family is the type that sweeps everything under the rug….you don’t talk about things, just forget them and move on, don’t talk about ugly things. I’m not like that. I’m open, honest, and caring. If I did something I want to know….how else will I learn, or be able to make it right?

    The pain is still there, sometimes much more pronounced than others. I know it has to be much worse for a grand parent. My niece and I were so close. I will love her forever….unconditionally, but I will not allow her to crush me like she has in the past…even this past year she reached out and wrote the ugliest comment on my blog (no I didn’t post it) I do wish her well, and wish she would get help. I also hope with all my being that her children are being treated well, and are loved unconditionally.

    I feel for your friend.

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  2. p.s. I did not have a good relationship with my Father. We barely spoke. He showed up at my wedding, uninvited and drunk. But, he loved my kids. I allowed him to see the boys, always supervised usually at my house. I did not do that for my Father. I did it for my boys. I let them enjoy having a Grampa. I did not do it for my Father. I don’t have warm fuzzy memories of my Dad, but my kids have warm fuzzy memories of their “Cookie Papa” (He always brought them cookies). They are grown men now, and I am glad I ALLOWED them to have a Grampa. These young couples should be ashamed of themselves. I have no regrets. They will.

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  3. I put this on facebook for my friend Laura to read. She is in the same situation. Daughter-in-law completely cut her off right before their wedding. She wasn’t allowed to attend the wedding. She has two grandchildren she doesn’t know. I do think in both cases it was a choice of “me or your Mother” and my friend lost, just like your friend did. My friend turned 60 last month and got nothing from her son, no phone call, no card. These kids will regret what they have done and it will probably be too late to fix anything

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