Come what may (Carry on Tuesday)

Old Man Grieving - Vincent van Gogh

Old Man Grieving – Vincent van Gogh (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Life can be very scary. In one second your entire world could change, blow up into tiny, little pieces. Destroyed. The world you once knew would become Before and After. Usually, unless this change is winning the 22 million dollar lottery, this does not usually occur in good situations. Am I right? In everyday life there are always tragedies that come unexpectedly,  probably things completely different from what you worried about and it never is good.

It’s called growing up. Realizing that sometimes there is fear hiding around the corner, which eery corner you have no idea but for a time it will be dark. You tend to forget about the dangers in life for brief periods of time when things go along swimmingly until something happens and then you realize “yes, it’s been quiet for too long.” As John Lennon used to sing “Life is what happens, when you are making other plans.” The unexpected, the things you didn’t plan for, the strong red slap stinging and leaving an imprint across your pale, white face.

Hold on to someone tight, a best friend, a spouse, a partner, a sister or a brother, anyone. Because, when bad things happen you will need someone who you trust and love, someone who loves you back. A person who will try to soothe you even though you think it may not help. Let them try, accept their offer to make you a hot cup of cocoa with marshmallows to comfort you A person that will make you lie down and force you to rest no matter if you can’t sleep, a person you can cry in front of alone or just someone to hold your hand and cover you in soft blue blankets.

Life is not easy, though we don’t realize that until we are older, but come what may, having someone, to share it with, makes it just a little easier to breathe because you have them and their support.  While your heart is still literally in pain and skipping beats eventually your own heart starts beating at a similar rhythm you had before. You are still alive. You will grieve your loss in your own way, take your  time and try to let your feelings out.  Mourn YOUR way. There are no steps to follow to make it easier for you.  My sister once told me after our father died, that I was “grieving too much.” I knew I wasn’t, I was just grieving louder, and expressing my grief differently than her. We also had a very different relationship with our dad. There is no right or wrong, no time limit, no book to follow.

Sooner or later, with time, you will see that while the pain never completely goes away, it becomes less potent, it happens less often and with less severity. You might even find that one day, you will talk about the loss of a person you loved with a smile of fondness and love. You might think that you had the opportunity, the blessing to love someone and have them in your life for so many years instead of focusing on them dying and leaving your life.

Just two weeks ago I held up a new pen that I knew my father would love for Father’s Day. I picked it up and smiled broadly with delight. I was on my way to the register when I remembered I had no father to give this to. Life will get better, with time, after loss. Truly, it will, I know that. But don’t let anyone tell you that you will never have any tough moments. I can’t lie to you, once in a great while, you will.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Come what may (Carry on Tuesday)

  1. This was an excellent piece, so full of wisdom! We do need the comfort of another to help us thru the hardest times, even when we think we are strong enough to make it on our own. I agree that the pain never completely goes away, it sneaks back to attack us in quiet moments, like the moment you picked up the pen. Mourning, for lost family or friends, and sometimes for lost relationships, does indeed take it’s own course, but sooner or later we find within ourselves the desire to reach out and rejoin the world of the living once again.

    Like

  2. Beautiful post, Laurie – just beautiful, haunting, and so very true. I like to think of grief as a spiral, rather than the typical circle. We pass through each phase of the emotional process, the anger, denial, sorrow, and acceptance, not just once, but over and over. But with each turning of the circle, we spiral outward from the innermost intensity of the emotions, and begin to have more and more space between needing to deal with that phase. More and more we can remember the good times without such pain, remember the Joy, and Love.

    Still, even many years laters, we can find we’ve spiralled ’round again to something we’ve thought we’ve gotten over, whether our loss is the loss of a person, or something else – like our health. So many of us with ME/CFS and FM struggle with this, and I find I sometimes think I’ve come to peace with the loss of what I was in The Before Times, only to find some little thing tips me into understanding I’m still treading the spiral.

    Also, Laurie, thank you for being there for me last summer when my father died. My family didn’t “get” my feelings, because my relationship with my dad was complicated by many decades of anger and hurt… but he was still my dad, and I loved him. You were the only one who knew just what to say, and it means the world to me. ❤

    Much Love,
    Ash

    Like

  3. This was beautiful and made me cry. The last part about the pen touched close to home. Its been 3 years since I lost my father and we shared the love of pens. Thank you for this wonderful post.

    Like

    • My first thought was to apologize for making you cry but I know how it is so, believe me. There are lot of posts about my dad and losing my dad on my blog. it changes you forever, don’t you think. one of the blog talks about he died 11 years ago physically but his spirit died a few years before that and I remember every detail. So, so sad. Thank YOU for writing. keep in touch.

      Like

  4. GRRRRRRRRRREAT post. Well-written and applies to me and everyone else I know.

    I should tattoo “Life is what happens, when you are making other plans.” I make a lot of plans and realize that IS my life sometimes – just making plans . . . . At least I should enjoy the plan making . . . .

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s