Too Many Children Dying (Carry on Tuesday:The best is yet to come)

English: The Circle of Life. Ceiling fresco in...

English: The Circle of Life. Ceiling fresco in the main hall of the Natural History Museum, Vienna. Deutsch: Der Kreislauf des Lebens. Deckenfresko im Hauptgebäude des Naturhistorischen Museums Wien. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Age doesn’t matter, they are the sons and daughters of people whose names I know. They live in my town, three of these precious children have died in the last year. As I have said many times before, no parent should have to bury their child. It isn’t right, it isn’t fair, it’s unnatural. Worst of all when they choose to end their lives on purpose, how can you deal with that, how to go on?

The parents have all tried to do the right thing. Their children have gone to numerous programs, counseling, tough love, nurturing love, medication, psychiatrists, psychologists, special programs, rehab, AA,  etc. but they have fallen again and again from some unknown evil and ill part inside them that they cannot control.

Who is to blame? No one, I imagine. I’m sure that most parents will do whatever it takes to help them. I have a friend, however, who has done so much for so long, he cannot do anything anymore for his eighteen year old son. Sometimes there is a limit for the parents too. This boy has been through every program imaginable and yet he still wants to destroy things, set houses on fire, do dangerous drugs, put his own life at risk. He too, will be a statistic one day, he does not want anyone to stop him, he has made that clear. It’s like watching a black and white movie in slow motion, backwards. Violence will be involved in some way, I fear. It will not have a happy ending.

Are the adolescents to blame? They are almost adults, around the ages of seventeen to eighteen. Do we blame them for going back to lives filled with “the wrong crowd” drugs, alcohol, mischief? Yes, but we blame ourselves too…We should have done this or that but truly we did everything, heard everything that they allowed us to see. They have crossed the line many times before, how do you know which will be the last phone call, the last time you see them?

The last call you get from the police, the one that makes you bend forward and grasp your knees and fall to the floor, sobbing hysterically. Yes, that kind of crying. That kind of misery, pain, sadness that saws your limbs in half one by one, slowly. You only know how it feels if you have been through it. A friend of mine committed suicide in junior high, I heard about it on the school bus. I remember it vividly.

Don’t you see? The best is yet to come.  Any other day will be better than this one. Take my hand, take anybody’s hand and hold on, one finger touching lightly like a butterfly’s kiss or a strong handshake whose strength will never let you get away. Let’s start like that. You will always have one friend that is on your side.

If you are even considering taking your life step back. Step back now. We stand here as broken people, parents, family, friends who will never be whole again because others before you gave up or thought they couldn’t do better or thought falsely that nobody cared.  It’s a lie, all of it. We ALL care, even if we don’t know you, even if we have not met, we care enough to think about you and your family we know that your life is worth living. The best is yet to be, there is promise in the world, there is hope that tomorrow will be better. It couldn’t be worse, right? Please don’t quit today, call a friend, hug your dog, take a walk, tell your mom you’re scared, I’m sure she is twice as scared as you are. Try to hang on, NO, promise. Just do that much. To me, it would mean the world.

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6 thoughts on “Too Many Children Dying (Carry on Tuesday:The best is yet to come)

  1. IMO the dad is probably one of those parents who think their child is never at fault… I know the type all too well.My youngest son is around the same age and he can be a challenge at times, as can most of his friends and classmates. I know so many parents who think their sweet little angel could never do wrong and always blame the other kid, which is exactly what this dad sounds like. I know most parents want to believe their kids can’t do wrong, and want to see the good in them, but for me, I know my son does make mistakes and does make bad decisions (not as bad as this kid though) and when something happens, i try and get both sides of the story. I can’t tell you how many times i have dealt with parents who always blame everyone else but their own child, even if multiple witnesses say their child is the one in the wrong.Numerous times i have had angry parents knock on my door blaming my child saying whatever happened was all his fault. After talking to both kids we usually  find that both kids are at fault and the parents always seem shocked that their precious little angel could do something like that.”I would bet the 11 yo wasn’t grounded because the dad bought the bs that he didn’t do anything wrong (and that is why the kid was out the next day approaching the victim/news crew)  I am sure the dad thinks he is protecting his child but by letting his son get away with this he is not doing him any favors at all and it will come back to bite him in the butt.As for hanging with the wrong crowd, as a parent you can tell your child who they can and cannot hang out with. They may not like it but oh well, you are the parent NOT THEIR FRIEND!  Keep an eye on them, know where they are, and who they are hanging out with. It is called being a parent!

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  2. Oh, honey. You know what I went through after my daughter’s friend commited suicide, my fear for her every night, night after night, month after month… we do the best we can, but sometimes, as in her friend’s case, it is not enough.
    I think there is too much pressure on our young people, from all directions – society, school, peers, and parents, to excel in academics, sports, get into the best colleges, make career choices far too young, and at the same time, the pressure to conform, to stifle their creativity, to ignore their inner voice guiding them in the direction of what they actually love to do. Add in a bad economy, families in dire financial times, familes in conflict, and it is a recipie for disaster. I suppose it doesn’t help that scientists are warning so loudly about global warming and they may feel the world is about to go to hell in the coming years, so why bother?
    You have written a beautiful and touching post. Thank you, and much Love.

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