Diagnosis: Anxiety

Anxiety Always

Anxiety Always (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You know that feeling in your stomach that makes your muscles clench but you don’t have a real stomach ache from eating too much and you don’t have a virus? That’s where anxiety starts for me. I’m literally writing this blog while having an anxiety attack and honestly, it’s not that easy to remain focused. Part of me thinks about throwing up but I’m trying to be calm, trying to breathe until I can’t do this any longer. I know you guys understand. That’s why I love blogging, for the people who read my blog. If you can’t relate to anxiety, I’m sure you can relate to other things I write about, humor, Pop Cop, my love of Food, Chocolate, Pizza (fine, with jam but only if the pizza is too dry) some of the ailments: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and having the energy of a dying tick. Actually, an ailing tick may have more energy than I do. I forgot a few other ailments like Imbalalnce and such but it’s pathetic enough as it is, I won’t bore you with more details. I bore myself as it is.

My husband and I are (and I hate these words) “empty nesters.” We’re also in the “sandwich generation” another over popular phrase that is used ad nauseum. Basically we are a married couple, we just celebrated twenty-five years of marriage and both our adult children are in college. I have my mom who is still alive and my husband has both parents alive and they still play tennis. Amazing.

Like many people my husband just got laid off from his job a few days ago. That’s stress provoking, people. He works doing computer stuff which is what I basically call it but it’s something like Software Product Development Management. I know nothing about it but if you do or know someone who might be able to help can you please have them get in touch with me?  I’ll send it to him and it would really be an act of incredible kindness, no matter where you live. In any case, I can’t change things, I try not to worry about them and in the end, things will turn out the way they are supposed to turn out.

About a week ago I had the mother of all anxiety attacks when my son turned 21, my husband lost his job and my mother, who was a little sad because all her friends were moving, decided that maybe she should consider moving too. It was a long day and a tough weekend.  We all know I’m not very good at change especially three changes in one day but after 24 hours I was much better. Breathe in, breathe out. Maybe that meditation class was worth the money after all.

I’m trying to do the best that I can, even writing this all down has helped me become last anxious. Having my dog Lexi, literally lying on my legs so I can’t move, her face close to me, makes me happy. From a crazy, wild puppy she has become an affectionate, loving girl dog. She knows that I need to lie down a lot and when I am home, she jumps up on the bed and cuddles with me.

The anxiety has lessened. I know there will be moments of panic but from now on, we have to take it step by step. I give thanks for what we still have. I will try to keep reminding myself of that, whatever happens will happen. Worrying about it won’t do me or anyone else any good. There’s a reason for everything and now we wait.

5 thoughts on “Diagnosis: Anxiety

  1. Oh my gosh! Your husband too?? You know Stuart got laid off in April, it’s been hard, to say the least, and my anxiety about it is through the roof! He too is in computers, competing with all those kids just getting out of college knowing the newest technologies. (he wants to get away from programming, that’s why he’s in school, but he has to work!)
    Like you said, we are at least able to go anywhere. He actually has an interview in Las Vegas next week. Not where I’d expect to live, but it will be a stepping stone while he finishes school. (luckily his classes here end in 3 weeks, and most things are on line)
    I hope Dan finds work soon, and you don’t have to move out of your yellow house…after everything you guys went through to get the house renovated…Dang!

    and I agree with your son…High School is a big lie. (not sure if this is the same post, I read many today….I think I’m caught up!) I remember in High School telling my mother I never wanted kids because I never wanted a teenager. It was so hard, and I’m sure I put her through hell. So I thought it was cruel to put a child through that and cruel to the parent too. : ) Now that’s not why I didn’t have children, but I do remember how much my mom laughed at me at the time.

    Good luck on everything.


  2. Oh, honey… I’m so feeling you. And, so feeling anxiety myself right now, although mine has another cause, this adrenaline dumping, but I think I’ve figured out what is causing that, with the aid of a lab test, and the reason itself is anxiety causing, but it’s fixable, and that’s what I have to focus on and… this is my brain on adrenaline, in adrenaline fueled anxiety, as I type and simultaneously try to slow my respiration rate, to force my body into submission. It’s hard.

    I’m sorry Dan lost his job, and I hope he finds a new one soon. This might make you laugh – I am reading this on my cell and the line break was such that I read,
    “Like many people my husband just got laid,” – the “off” was on the next line down, but in my scattered & hyperactive brain state, I was like, “WHAT??? Laurie is telling us when her husband got LAID?!?” ~still giggling~

    And! You don’t get to be anxious because your eldest turned 21. MY eldest will turn ~30~ in March, and I’m several years younger than you, big sis! So, there! (sticking my tongue out)

    Just remember how many people Love you, and how dear you are to all of us who are lucky enough to be your family. You will get thru this.
    Giant hugs~


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