Slipping Xanax Under My Tongue

English: Xanax 0.25, 0.5 and 1 mg scored tablets

English: Xanax 0.25, 0.5 and 1 mg scored tablets (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s a Xanax under my tongue. I’m not proud of it but I’m also not ashamed either. I feel the stirrings of a big anxiety attack about to kick in and I’m trying to head it off at the beginning. I am trying hard to head off having a complete melt down like I had four weeks ago for the same situation so let’s just call this preventive medicine. Preventive psychiatric medicine intervention? That’s a mouthful but I do like the sound of it.

If “my friend,” the always funny and creative blogger, Jennifer Lawson “The Bloggess” can write about Xanax and mental health I sure can too. This isn’t my first posting about anxiety I have plenty of those but in this one I am telling you what I am worried about, out loud in real-time. Maybe that will lessen the anguish, probably it will be just the same. Or maybe I will just worry about worrying. It ‘s anyone’s guess.

There are so many things that are out of my control and they all involve a common theme, as I used to call it “Health and Welfare.” I’m worried about the health of three very important people in my life. Yes, all at the same time. Initially I wrote down who those people are but then I had a funny feeling and I knew that if those people saw this blog they would be mad as heck and I would worry about that too. So, problem solved. These are all my anxieties wrapped up in a tightly knit, wound up ball, the kind you make out of twine, beige, scratchy and unforgiving.

There is an expression in German that my dad used to say and that I have said for years : “nur gesund sein.” Loosely translated, “Just stay healthy, your health is the most important thing.” I really mean it, I’ve never been the type who has needed a wake up call, I’ve been on the edge of that wake up call since I could probably talk. I don’t ever take that for granted but now I’m being tested not with just one thing but many and all at once. I need to rise to the occasion,my fears and worries aside, there is no other choice.

Another thing my dad taught me which frankly is not easy to achieve is staying in Neutral. If we all could do that successfully, we wouldn’t need Xanax or Valium, bags of chocolate or pints of ice cream or whatever your soothing pleasure is. If a cup of tea worked, believe me I’d be sipping it right now. Since I am not sobbing in hysteria, nor am I in ecstatic denial all I can see in my future, tonight, hopefully, is sleep. If I can get that, a good night’s sleep, I will feel that I have accomplished at least a little something.

Those weird protesting people in my stomach are rabble rousing again. They aren’t rioting like they were before, those angry protestors. Now, it’s more like they are marching silently, still carrying signs. But, they are still there, they know it and so do I. I’m truly hoping I can surprise them and wipe them all out before I turn out the lights. Wish me luck. Please.

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11 thoughts on “Slipping Xanax Under My Tongue

  1. Laurie, first, remember that the best thing you can do for those you love & are worried about is to take the best care possible of you ~ you can’t be there to support them if you are not in the best shape you can be (which means “your normal”).

    That means learning to deal with the anxiety attacks in as many ways as possible. I’m pretty dang. sure you have some adrenal issues going on – virtually all of us with ME/CFS or fibro do. When you have adrenal imbalances you can get adrenaline dumps, which can strongly mimic a full blown panic attack if severe enough – your body and mind goes into “fight or flight” mode, stomach clenches, brain races, everything seems much more intense, etc. As you know, I’ve been dealing with adrenaline dumps for a while now. Many of us in our patient community have these, and the fact they interfere with sleep cycles (or make sleep nearly impossible) only makes things worse from both a physical & emotional standpoint.

    But it doesn’t have to be this way. After a lot of research, consultations with my docs, and some time spent using myself as a human guinea pig, I’ve found some supplements that have seriously decreased the number and intensity of adrenaline dumps or simply high adrenaline hours out of the day that I’m having, AND they are also herbs/amino acids that are working to heal my dysfunctional adrenals in the long term.

    The difference these have made in my life has been incredible – I was quite literally going crazy as well as driving everyone around me crazy, too! I was spending the majority of my day – for months – focusing on staying calm, not getting upset (and it was taking very little to get me upset), and meditating to try to still my crazed mind.

    I’ll send you a list of what I’ve found works best, via fb. It’s far better to heal the problem at the source than it is to treat the symptom – the anxiety – and wind up with a benzo dependance and tolerance. I’ve been really amazed at the results I’ve gotten, all from pretty simple stuff!
    Hang tite, my soul sister – we’ll get you straightened out… but not if I don’t get some sleep first!
    Giant hugs full of Love!
    Ash

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  2. I agree wholeheartedly with Cathy’s comment. Write about your pain rather than taking Xanax which is only a temporary relief. Stay strong, we are all here supporting you. Love Jenna

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  3. Writing is great therapy Laurie. Write everything out that’s bothering you, even if you delete it and don’t publish it. Another thing I’ve been taught is to write about your trauma totally honestly and what you’re afraid of. The next day pick up the writing and change the ending to a more positive view, write about how you’ve handled many things in the past and how you will get through this. This has helped me in the past. And if all else fails, Stretch will send you some cookies and hugs. πŸ˜‰

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