Father’s Day, 2014 Edition
Father’s Day is coming, it’s just around the corner. I dread that holiday more than I now dread Christmas, the holiday that my dad and I used to love the most.
My dad has been dead twelve years now, one would think, I would have gotten used to the concept. But, no. I am never ready for this day. I find myself, each year, being caught unaware with different triggers.
I think there is something very wrong with me. I mean it.
Am I stupid? Very possibly.
I have no dad.
My dad is dead.
It seems to be Father’s Day again, some Holidays move around the Earth at a quicker pace, don’t you think? Birthdays, when you are older, seem to flash by in a second or two.
Am I stupid? Very possibly so. Can I not learn to get used to it?
Even writing these words down bring unwanted tears to my tired, blood-shot, green eyes. I furiously blink away threatening tears.
Twelve years, it’s not like it happened yesterday but sometimes it feels like that, raw like a knife wound.
If it hasn’t gone away by now I don’t think there’s a chance it will ever go away.
So, naturally, when I was in the store a few weeks ago, once again, I headed straight for the Father’s Day section of cards. But this time, I did not actually look through the cards. I noticed where I was and quickly turned around after admonishing myself, without skipping a beat. To me, that’s progress. I didn’t stand in the aisle sobbing like I have done in years past.
There are just some things you can’t get used to, this is one of them.
For all of you who still have your Dads, please cherish them. For the dad of my children, I honor and cherish you and for my friend Alice’s father, JB, who tries to make me feel included even when I am not, I say, thank you.
Happy Father’s Day to the father figure that you do have, be it a friend, a neighbor, an uncle or a cousin, a brother…
And, if you don’t have a father figure in your life, you are even MORE special. Because you have a mom who is mother and father to YOU. Kiss your Mom, once on each cheek because she makes EVERYTHING worthwhile. I congratulate HER.
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I’m sorry for your loss. Hang in there.
You’re not stupid. You’re human. And not alone. See here: http://candidkay.com/2013/06/26/grief-is-a-funny-thing-except-it-isnt/
I feel your pain. I am very lucky to still have my 80 year old father. I absolutely cherish him and appreciate that he is still here. I go through what you go through with missing your dad, only with my mother who passed away 5 years ago. I know I have never gotten used to it, I just get through it. I miss her with my heart and soul and hold onto my dad that much tighter! So sending hugs and don’t be hard on yourself for your feeling’s………xo