i’m so tired that my eyeballs feel like they are about to pop out of my eyes and start rolling down the wood floor. i am not exaggerating either. what I have done is the very same thing i tell all my friends with fibromyalgia or chronic disease: don’t over do it. guilty as charged. but it felt so good to have energy for one day and shop with my daughter and I knew that I would pay for it but you do have to make choices. i picked my girl.
I pushed my health to the background, like that second slice of banana custard pie, that you thought you could sneak in on your plate next to the fresh blueberries and raspberries. It was just a little sliver anyway. (yeah, who am I kidding.) i’m under my blankets and will take a pain pill if I need one and I made a meal for an elderly man who needs my help far more than i need my own help. the fact that i could make someone a meal with snacks that was less fortunate than me, made me feel good. i don’t feel good that often.
I ate some of my own home-made chicken soup today that I keep in the freezer, with its restorative powers, with carrots and celery and all the good stuff to nurse me back to my relative health. sometimes this chronic disease just gets to me. but it gets to all of us once in a while and we always bounce back, there is no other choice.
one day of being normal, two days of feeling like crap. it just feels wrong. and unfair. but mostly i’m tired and need to go to bed early with about five covers over me so I am really hot and feel like i am in a cocoon, like a butterfly,
a pretty, colorful butterfly.
i’ll go to sleep early, i’ll watch some junky tv, my dog will be near-by. my daughter was happy yesterday and so was I. the years pass so quickly, I may never have the chance to go “back to school shopping” with her again, she’s 20. But, I would make no changes, none. I would do it all over again in a hot second. moms, you understand. i know you do.