Grown Up Bullies

You would think that by the time people were adults they would know better than to be bullies. Nope, some of those same playground bullies are now adult bullies in the real world. Unfortunately there are also people who have been bullied or had a rough life that become emotional bullies later in life. Not all but some. People, can be really, really cruel, sometimes for no reason at all.

Unfortunately, for someone as gullible as I am, it always come to me as a complete shock. I should have learned this by now but deep down I want to believe that there is some good in people when there isn’t. We’re all capable of different emotions and believe me, I’ve been on the receiving end of a couple of people’s dramatic mood swings lately and I’m desperately trying to be polite.

 

You can’t change people and sometimes people won’t even give you a chance to explain and as much as you want to say your piece, you just have to walk away. LISTEN to your INTUITION even if it’s faint and follow that voice. It’s always right. Always.

 

 

Is it easy? Nope. Do you miss the person? Here’s the thing: Honestly? No. I can’t say I do. When I feel relief, I know I should NOT have been in that friendship from the beginning.  How do you act when you are around this person? More importantly, how do you FEEL? These are key questions, and ones you should ask yourself at the very start.

With the enthusiasm of a new friendship, the joy, the fun and the courtship, I had NOT been paying close attention to my instincts. Every time I push my feelings aside or pretend I am being flexible or give someone “another chance” it simply never works. Never.

I was friendly with several people in the past, I found them interesting and entertaining. One who portrayed herself to be enlightened and true to herself. One with the people and supposedly knew how “Life” worked. She portrayed herself as kind and knowing.  She was neither but I fell for her charm. I even helped her with a business but that is beside the point. She talked about Karma, she will learn it by herself when it comes back to her in ways that have nothing to do with me.

The other person was young and impulsive, she was not mature enough to listen to my side of the story and when I stopped listening to her mania I felt utter relief. I even know she still checks in on one of my profiles from time to time, you would think, by now, she would stop,

 

I realized that I did have initial doubts about BOTH of these people but I decided to ignore them, I pushed those feelings aside and did not pay attention to my gut instincts, I decided it was worth the chance. Believe me, it wasn’t.

The people who you choose to part ways with do not serve you in ANY way. It’s hard to accept that YOU messed up to begin with. You felt the flutters of doubt, you remembered the creepy-crawly feeling in your stomach and lifting your eyebrows questioning a minute too long. You knew, instinctively but you chose to ignore. OWN that, you made a mistake, TRY not to do it next time, learn from it.

Go slowly with a new friend. Sometimes, that’s my problem. I like someone so much that I fail to take it slowly and I jump in with innocence and enthusiasm. Can I change? Probably not. My only other option?

 

A strong guard, like a tall barbed wire fence, to keep all people away, to shield myself from hurt and pain. I need to take it slow, to follow my own instincts, to listen more carefully and NEVER doubt myself again. No excuses.

CAN’T WE ALL TRY TO BE JUST A LITTLE NICER TO EACH OTHER?

 

 


 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Grown Up Bullies

  1. I saw a quote today…and it spoke to what I said, thought I’d share it with you.
    “If you cannot find a good companion to walk with, walk alone, like an elephant roaming the jungle. It is better to be alone than to be with those who will hinder your progress.” -Buddha

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  2. I have the problem, I didn’t have the gut feeling with some of the friends that I now know were not good choices. They were not good friends because they were only fair weather friends. They were fun friends. They were great when things went wrong for them and I was there. They were wonderful when we hung out, when we had just regular life. But when my life hit a brick wall, they were gone! I didn’t have the funny feelings before. I never thought, these people won’t be there for me. But then, I never thought that far ahead for these people. They were a fun group. For the first time in my life, I had a big group of friends who did a lot of thing together. It was fun. I was the one who was always called on to confide in, to be there for people. I didn’t really notice that because I am that kind of person. I give. I enjoy it. It is who I am. It comes naturally, if you hurt, I give. Then I hurt. And I was alone. Oh the first surgery I had a couple of people bring us dinner. The second surgery, one person brought us dinner. Then, an email here or there if I wrote first, often nothing in return, no text back. nothing. Some remarks on facebook. I started to hate facebook. I could see their lives just carrying on, and I was not. The platitudes, “if I can do something?” but if asked…nothing.

    I’m grateful for what I’ve learned. I learned I didn’t chose friends. I chose playmates.
    Now to figure out how to make friends, in real life again.
    I’m kind of lost on that one.

    But I love my friends I’ve made since I’ve been sick.
    I only wish I could hug them, and share a meal, and actually touch them. I feel like they are friends I keep in touch with, but I miss too.

    and I agree, why can’t we all just be a little nicer?

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  3. The fact you recognize this in yourself tells me you are on the right track. They say “mind over matter” but as I have learned lately the heart speaks truth our minds often try to rationalize away. Listen to your heart … It will not lead you astray. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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