Grown Up Bullies

You would think that by the time people were adults they would know better than to be bullies. Nope, some of those same playground bullies are now adult bullies in the real world. Unfortunately there are also people who have been bullied or had a rough life that become emotional bullies later in life. Not all but some. People, can be really, really cruel, sometimes for no reason at all.

Unfortunately, for someone as gullible as I am, it always come to me as a complete shock. I should have learned this by now but deep down I want to believe that there is some good in people when there isn’t. We’re all capable of different emotions and believe me, I’ve been on the receiving end of a couple of people’s dramatic mood swings lately and I’m desperately trying to be polite.

 

You can’t change people and sometimes people won’t even give you a chance to explain and as much as you want to say your piece, you just have to walk away. LISTEN to your INTUITION even if it’s faint and follow that voice. It’s always right. Always.

 

 

Is it easy? Nope. Do you miss the person? Here’s the thing: Honestly? No. I can’t say I do. When I feel relief, I know I should NOT have been in that friendship from the beginning.  How do you act when you are around this person? More importantly, how do you FEEL? These are key questions, and ones you should ask yourself at the very start.

With the enthusiasm of a new friendship, the joy, the fun and the courtship, I had NOT been paying close attention to my instincts. Every time I push my feelings aside or pretend I am being flexible or give someone “another chance” it simply never works. Never.

I was friendly with several people in the past, I found them interesting and entertaining. One who portrayed herself to be enlightened and true to herself. One with the people and supposedly knew how “Life” worked. She portrayed herself as kind and knowing.  She was neither but I fell for her charm. I even helped her with a business but that is beside the point. She talked about Karma, she will learn it by herself when it comes back to her in ways that have nothing to do with me.

The other person was young and impulsive, she was not mature enough to listen to my side of the story and when I stopped listening to her mania I felt utter relief. I even know she still checks in on one of my profiles from time to time, you would think, by now, she would stop,

 

I realized that I did have initial doubts about BOTH of these people but I decided to ignore them, I pushed those feelings aside and did not pay attention to my gut instincts, I decided it was worth the chance. Believe me, it wasn’t.

The people who you choose to part ways with do not serve you in ANY way. It’s hard to accept that YOU messed up to begin with. You felt the flutters of doubt, you remembered the creepy-crawly feeling in your stomach and lifting your eyebrows questioning a minute too long. You knew, instinctively but you chose to ignore. OWN that, you made a mistake, TRY not to do it next time, learn from it.

Go slowly with a new friend. Sometimes, that’s my problem. I like someone so much that I fail to take it slowly and I jump in with innocence and enthusiasm. Can I change? Probably not. My only other option?

 

A strong guard, like a tall barbed wire fence, to keep all people away, to shield myself from hurt and pain. I need to take it slow, to follow my own instincts, to listen more carefully and NEVER doubt myself again. No excuses.

CAN’T WE ALL TRY TO BE JUST A LITTLE NICER TO EACH OTHER?

 

 


 

 

 

Help Me, Help Me Breathe – Meditation

meditation

I need help and advice. I get caught up sometimes in the thousands of minute details and decisions that need to be made in a day. I realized this morning, before I was actually awake, that I hadn’t printed permission slips for both my children, didn’t unload the dishwasher from yesterday, read the mail, finish the laundry, go shopping and…… I did realize that after looking for socks in two different stores I wound up buying one of each in both stores; I now have socks that will probably last until 2019. This is not working for me. I need to focus.

It could be that my life is too busy this time of year, I am not great at organizing and I forget half the things I should remember. I could blame it on my Fibromyalgia and Fibro-Fog but I am sure I could help myself in some way. I need my writing pad to remind myself of all the things I need to do and my red pen to cross them off, one by one, but I get too preoccupied to find my notepad and don’t want to waste the time to find it.

Does that make sense to you?

I’ve told myself for years that I should meditate,” should” being the operative word. I haven’t done it yet;  I say I don’t have the time but that’s plain ridiculous. I should be able to be seated in a quiet place for twenty minutes every morning and every night and breathe deeply, to center my soul. Why is it that I can’t  or won’t do that?  Sometimes I am in such a great rush that I forget to breathe.

For now, I need to  remind myself to stay in the present, to not worry about things I have no control over, to take it slowly and not flip out about terrorist attacks and subway and train plots, earthquakes, terrorism, tsunami’s, cancer and all other life-threatening diseases. I need to stay in the moment and move those bad, anxiety provoking and terrifying thoughts away, like swatting at mosquitoes. Swatting away a bug comes naturally, changing my thoughts does not. I want to form a new habit,  focusing on the good, on the present and nothing else.  Oprah said that “weight loss was her nemesis” and I am not repeating it to be mean at all. Going into panic mode is my nemesis, my downfall, this is the one thing I have trouble changing.

Which brings me back to meditating, I think it might help. Here’s my question: can I just do it? Do I need to be taught? There are meditation courses but is that worth it? Does anyone out there meditate and find it useful? Please let me know, I would love to hear your thoughts and advice. Namaste.