Eppiglottitis, Esophagus, Hernia? HELP!

Cirugìa de hiato, HERNIA PARA ESOFAGICA

Cirugìa de hiato, HERNIA PARA ESOFAGICA (Photo credit: Antonio@GDL)

Last week I went for the dreaded barium test (forgive me if I gag just thinking about it) although it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I imagined slugging  the entire thick, chalky mess down in two or three large gulps and finishing it but that was not the case. Luckily it was more like take two sips and swallow. This type was not even that thick. It’s not that I would order it in a restaurant but it was manageable. I highly recommend the radiologist who was soothing and comforting and told me “it wasn’t a big deal.” Thank you.

When I finished Dr. Radiologist came out and told me I had a hernia in my esophagus. Huh? Yes I had a hernia in my esophagus which was fairly common and probably could account for me swallowing the wrong way, quite often and coughing a lot. But, oh, my epiglottitis followers, what automatically came to mind??? There has to be a connection between the eppiglottitis and esophagus hernia, no? It seemed genius to me. Could this be a clue in solving the mysteriously painful illness that we know so much about? Of course I thought I was brilliant and could tell my people (YOU, my fellow eppiglottitis sufferers)  that we could prevent eppiglottits in the future but sadly that is not the case as far as I know.

I have an appointment scheduled with my ENT (ear, nose and throat specialist) on Monday and yes, I will beg him for a correlation even though I’m pretty sure there isn’t one. I just wanted to give all of us some hope. If there is ANY I will post the results on Monday, I PROMISE. Wouldn’t you think there would be a connection? I mean it does sound nutty enough.

Leave it to me to have the weird diagnosis, but believe me I am NOT complaining. With all the testing that they did, I am gloriously happy that the only thing wrong with me is this hernia. After losing forty pounds, having digestive issues (really bad digestive issues) and looking gaunt and pale as a ghost, I can cheerfully deal with this. I’m having a colonoscopy in a few weeks, maybe an endoscopy is needed as well? I have no idea. But if there is any hope of a connection between the dreaded eppiglottitis and this hernia in my esophagus, I want to be the first to tell you. And, you know I will. Let’s keep the faith although even I know the odds are against us. Let’s wish each other LUCK. We need it.

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Carry on Tuesday: Once Upon A Time

Out of fog Bay Bridge and Golden Gate Bridge a...

Out of fog Bay Bridge and Golden Gate Bridge and San Francisco in fog and crepuscular rays. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There was a time once, not so long ago, when I was chubby, fat, or just pleasantly plump. In Italy I would have been a goddess. Men would have followed me down the cobble stoned streets, whistling and begging to touch my beautiful breasts and my bountiful behind. Unfortunately, I wasn’t living in Italy, I was here in the United States, where all I really wanted was to be slender. I thought if I was thin, all my problems would dissipate like the mysterious fog in San Francisco. I imagined the fog lifting while I watched, wearing a heavy knit red sweater and sitting peacefully on a huge rock.

A couple of months ago I was very sick, (on top of my chronic illnesses” Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, IBS) I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t leave my house or the bathroom for an entire four weeks. I was pale, gaunt and looked ill. People on the street would ask me guardedly “If I was okay?” Part of me, if I had a sense of humor back then wanted to say “Of course, I’m in the middle-aged super model competition” but I had no sense of humor at the time. The other part of me was scared to speak so I just said “I’m fine” which people accept with relief and don’t follow-up with questions.

All my life there was always something about me that I wanted to change and after I changed it, I thought I would be happy: my weight, my hair, my glasses, wearing make-up, dressing better, nice shoes, tinting my hair to cover the tiny amount of gray that swirled in front of my face. The gray hair that I had been so proud to have, to acknowledge my real place in the world, as someone who had already experienced a great deal of life and had earned them with pride.

Having been married for 24 years with two young adults doing well in college was proof enough and even though I did go through a time feeling sorry for myself that the kids ” didn’t need me anymore” I realized my husband and I had done a very good job of parenting. I admit, I needed to remind myself that loving and needing were two very different things, they would love me as their mom but their lives and our lives would be constantly changing. Yes, sometimes it changes so quickly it was hard to keep up, that’s when I found myself alone, crying into an old, soft, handkerchief and feeling sorry for myself. I learned to accept that too. You have no choice.

Six weeks ago I went from eating and being lively to not eating and not feeling well, I lost over 30 pounds and before you coo and ooh and ahhh and wish it was you I can tell you, you better take that back. I did not enjoy clothes falling from my body, or food flowing through me, and not being able to go outside of my house for four weeks. The doctor scheduled me for every “cancer” test known to humanity and that was not fun. The doctor, not known for his bedside matter, actually told me WHAT he was testing for when we first met him in his office. Thanks, Doc, nice touch.

I will be getting the results later this week, I’m hoping that everything will be fine, I’m ( fairly) certain that they will be. The symptoms stopped a few days after my office visit and while I haven’t gained a lot of weight back, I do get hungry and I feel better. My newest ( little ) problem is this: I went to shop for new jeans and found that there are no jeans for women of my age. They have skinny jeans, under the waist jeans and jeans for teenagers with lithe bodies. Basically, the clothes that I have are four sizes too big for me and the style out there now are for teenagers only. I have nothing to wear, I miss my “Mom jeans.” It is impossible to find them, anywhere. Suggestions?

All that I have accomplished in this quest are the lack of clothes to wear and the acquisition of numerous wrinkles. I sat outside in the sun for a few moments, noticing all the wrinkles on my knees and thighs that were not there before. As I sat, warming my face, was I thinking about the good things in my life in a delighted way? No. I was thinking about the barium test (drinking chalk) that I have to drink tomorrow morning at eight am and where to aim my projectile vomiting. That, at least, is amusing me.

Be happy with what you have and who you are. As my dad used to say “Health is the most important thing.”  It’s the only thing, be grateful.