Three Fake Holiday Cards

 Dear Bill C,
I know, right?
Yes, Karma IS a Bitch.

Here is a new cigar.
Let me put this cigar where I want.
Now sit down, and smoke it.
It is fresh, I promise.


______________________________________________________________
Dear Kelly,
Are you SURE you don’t have an eating disorder?
How can you be superwoman all the time?
I’m more than a little worried about you.
Please have Mark or Regis call me or even the new guy.

You look high strung, very high-strung.

 No, you can’t do it all, all the time.
Your body and your mind can only take so much.
Please, slow down, you’ve already accomplished enough.
Enjoy life, just turn down the speed, turn the speed down WAY LOW.
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Dear Robin,

You are the one we can’t forget, even though we didn’t even know you. We thought we did but you were deep beneath your laughing exterior.  We admired you, you made us laugh, you made us cry. We are still crying at the loss of you, suicide is so angry, so shocking to your fans. I remember gasping out loud and I couldn’t breathe when someone told me the devastating news of your death. By hanging. I’m even shaking my head now, as if was new all over again. It will always be new.

We are so sorry that you had to go through with MS but hey, couldn’t you have talked to Michael J. Fox first? I guess not, it’s a moot point, Robin, I hope you are not in pain, I hope you are romping around Heaven making people laugh, you are probably the best comedian up there that they have seen in a while. Say hi to Joan Rivers from us, the world is a much sadder place now. We miss you and Joan.
****************************************************************************************************************************

I’m Sorry, Did I Misunderstand Mr. Cosby?

 

Mr. Cosby,

 

Did I hear correctly that you would only be granting interviews to black publications? Or that only black publications would be FAIR to you. Why? Doesn’t that sound a little racist? Why only black magazines since you always spouted equality for all. I’m sure all fine journalists have the same standards, excellent standards, impeccable standards, why would you need to call them out?

You used to advise and criticize boys whose pants were hanging down below their belts, you were quite vocal about that too. And, I don’t BELIEVE you are anyone to now criticize pants hanging below the belt, right?  It would be humorous if it wasn’t so miserably sad and sick. I bet the boys who just wanted to just go along with fashion have much better characters than you do. Boys? What do you have to say? You were judged by Mr. Cosby how do you feel now? Judged by someone who did horrible things (allegedly.)

 

Now, in the wake of your current “allegations” you break your muddied silence to say that when you speak (if you speak) your voice can only be heard in the black community? Is there a breakdown of how many women you “allegedly” date raped by race? Religion? Brown skin, White skin, Tan skin, Asian skin? Because I would like to know the alleged break down report on that information not that it matters to me one bit. You allegedly hurt women, allegedly many women, that’s what matters.

We are just interested in how long this is going to take before you sing like an injured, broken raven? It seems hard to believe that people will forget THIS. Even if Whoopi Goldberg, a

woman I used to admire greatly, gave you the thumbs up, that does not in the LEAST BIT sway me. I am with Rosie O’Donnell all the way. She admittedly gets a little childish (Donald Trump comb over)  but she’s really a big kid that has been hurt badly. I think her heart is truly golden. I would bet my life on that.

She is flawed like everyone else, but perhaps more damaged goods than we know. If there is one thing I know for sure, Rosie O’Donell’s heart is golden. I have always stuck by her and always will. She has a huge heart, maybe some people don’t understand her. I do.

 

 

 

Cosby, Come on. I don’t have a reliable source but I heard (allegedly) someone has proof or photographs What are you going to do when those surface? By the way, I watched Whoopi Goldberg’s face when Beverly Johnson was on the show, Whoopi didn’t say too much in your defense. Is she still your cheerleader?

 

I hope not.

I give thanks, great thanks to Beverly Johnson for going on the show and sharing her experience. I know that’s not easy to do. Thank you, Beverly. Also, did Kathy Lee say that Bill Cosby tried to kiss her? Sorry if I am confusing celebrities.

 

I was going to say “I don’t know how you can sleep at night” But silly me, I forgot you have an easy concoction already made, have a cappuccino or two, I hear they are incredibly fresh.

Hey Oprah, How Do You Like Bill Cosby Now?

I’m sorry ( actually, I’m NOT) but I believe the alleged reports against Bill Cosby. Just because he has had a great national reputation in the past touting pudding and jello and being the best dad ever on The Cosby Show means nothing to me.  Nothing.

He really did seem too good to be true. He is (was?) best friends with Oprah (of course) and if anyone get’s Oprah’s stamp of approval, they automatically get mine. Not this time.  Basically, I support each and every woman who has stood up and said (allegedly) that Bill Cosby has touched them/raped them/treated them inappropriately.

Why do I feel this way? I don’t know, call it a gut feeling. There are a lot of women accusing him, this does not seem like some really bad publicity stunt or a class action suit for money. The stories are similar and they all involve what is now called the “date rape” drug. I’m sure whatever happened, Bill Cosby and his team of lawyers will define it as  “Sex Addiction” which only really rich people with even richer lawyers can afford. Maybe in a few years after rehab people will forget about it. I hope not. Not me. Not a lot of people I’m sure.

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You know what this feels like? The O. J. Simpson trial. I knew it reminded me of something. That same bitter feeling, the same green bile rising up in my throat. When the jury all said he was “Not Guilty” to all the disgusting offenses, planning to kill his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend, Ron Goldman. I remember watching the television and bursting into tears. Sometimes money can buy anything.

Maybe Bill Cosby can hire the same or similar team of lawyers. second generation creeps. It’s possible that he will be tried and found not guilty. But, just as many of us felt that OJ did do the crime, (and later confessed in some unofficial way) we will be looking at Bill Cosby, not as an educator or a role model anymore. We will no longer think of his wonderful show in the same light.

We will remember BIll Cosby, the rapist. The man who preached a good family life and behaved like an animal, in my opinion. I understand people are complex and they have many, many sides, some bad, some good. Yes, we should all be more forgiving and understanding. But, this? Sorry, I can’t forgive any man who rapes women, raped her with a trick by using a drug in their cocktail. If Oprah stands up for him, I will lose all respect for her too.

Hey, Oprah, we’re waiting for your opinion.

Just remember how much integrity is important to you. Also, I cannot in any way take credit for the following quote and I do wish I knew the author’s name to give him/her credit but I read somewhere a very simple and powerful quote: “IF THIS HAPPENED TO YOUR DAUGHTER, HOW MUCH MORE PROOF WOULD YOU NEED?” If you wrote this, I would LOVE to give you credit.

Exactly.

Whoever wrote that: Bravo.

I am so mad on behalf of all these women I could spit. How dare you (any one) not believe them or not at least interrogate Bill Cosby? If Bill Cosby was not a celebrity but an unknown man living in a poor section of Queens, would this be handled the same way? It is 2014 “STAND BY YOUR MAN” was written a long time ago, Really, Camille? Is this what you want? Power is independence, not dependence.

Think about it.