Tiny Different Pieces of Ugh

I’m in a funk. I had two days of happiness from the good news that Celine Dion was pregnant with twins. Now this: Al and Tipper Gore are getting divorced? Thanks to SNL’s cast members Seth and Amy all I can say is: “”Really?” and “Are you kidding me?.”  It’s not even the Clintons’? We wouldn’t be shocked then. It’s the Gore’s? The one with the romantic kiss that we all swooned about?  Seriously Tipper? This is very unsettling. I’m one of the last believers in true romance and you had to spoil it for me. Thanks. What happened to the comfort of companionship? Is there more to this? I almost wish there was. It would be easier to understand.

Is there nothing good in the world anymore? We have massive oil spills, the extent of which we will never really know, wars in G-d knows how many places and deadly diseases  that seem no closer to getting cured. There’s poverty, devastation, tsunamis, hurricanes and the fact that bacon is really, really bad for you. I’m cranky and I deserve to be.

I write my soon to be ex-guru Dr. in the City and tell him I have been having pain almost every day that is incapacitating for the last 4 weeks because of the new medication and ask his sage advice. I’ve long given up on support or bed-side manner. He writes back a terse note and says “continue for 4 more weeks.” That’s the answer, the cure, the solution? I want to tell him to go to hell but I refrain. Though, I have to say I am sorely tempted.

My husband’s ex-employer and royal pain in the butt boss went on-line today to say how “exited he was for their new venture.” What new venture? He hasn’t paid my husband or anyone else that worked for him in at least 6 months. New venture, my ass. I totally dislike this dude, who should be named Skipper because he is an extremely wealthy brat that has huge amounts of family money and doesn’t understand that people, like us, need to be paid, in order to eat and pay the bills.

Ted Koppel’s son is dead, the Israelis are apologizing at the same time I receive an essay with a photo of attackers with swords trying to seal Israel’s fate on that boat. I have stomach cramps and didn’t get enough sleep. I watched Sarah Ferguson on Oprah which I swore I wouldn’t do and I did and it was truly pathetic and not in a sympathetic way either. Let’s excuse everything to addiction now: drink, love, sex, spending money and hey, Hallmark cards. Sarah Ferguson, you have sunk to a new low and I can’t even feel sorry for you.

I’m hoping for a loud and boisterous thunderstorm tonight, thrashing trees and a downpour of crystal sheets of rain; maybe it will move all the bad stuff away. Except for the fact that I just found out the loving Rue Mclannahan, from Golden Girls, passed away. That’s making both me and new cult-hero Betty White really sad. Just bring it on. Really. We’re used to it.

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Congratulations, Celine Dion!

Dear Celine,

I just read that you are pregnant with twins and that is making me extraordinarily happy. I am grinning and know exactly how you feel.  Anyone who has gone through infertility is probably reacting the same way with universal delight.  Having a baby, for many people is a long and rough road, not to mention painful, expensive and emotionally draining.  I should know, it took two and a half years to become pregnant with our first child.

When I was going through the infertility process 20 years ago, nobody talked about it. The only people you talked to about this  gut-wrenching secret with were the other women you met in the infertility clinic and your husband. Having children had always, always been my dream for life; not having them felt inconceivable (no pun intended).  Years ago, I felt humiliated and embarrassed,  depressed and without hope.  That’s not a good feeling every day, every month for over two and a half years; I remember it  being one of the most depressing parts of my life because it felt like the death of hope. I got pregnant with my son two and a half years after we started trying, with help. Then, like thrilling magic, without infertility treatments, I got pregnant with our daughter, twelve months after our son was born.  It is a feeling no one understands until you have been through it. Believe me.

Today, it is not the shameful secret that it was 20 years ago. It wasn’t discussed on television or written about in magazines. It was whispered with hushed silences and every day there were reminders of what we did not have.  Everywhere I looked there were glowing pregnant women and adorable infants, baby carriages and pregnancy news 24/7. It’s like when you first need prescription glasses and suddenly realize how many people wear glasses.

At least now, there are support groups and people to lean on that understand the experience. When something is kept a deep, dark secret, you feel you are all alone. Congratulations, dear Celine. I am rooting for you and your precious family. I understand how it feels to go through the infertility process. You are 14 weeks pregnant, may you have a safe and healthy pregnancy. We all love happy news ; you bring us joy, you give us hope. We wish the same for you and your family.