Wanted: Funny 50 ish Woman To Work For Jimmy Fallon Show

Dear Jimmy,

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

I am responding to your ad that was featured in “The Senior Funny Lady Times.” I am well within the limits of your age requirements, not that I think that there should be requirements at all (I hope you checked with your legal department) but that is just my opinion.

First, and this is not a matter of mere sucking up, as the kids say:  my husband and I watch your show, every single night. I admit, we tape the show and watch it the following night with bowls of ice cream

in our hands but I don’t think that is unreasonable .(Hey, how did I miss this? )

I’ve already admitted we are not in our twenties anymore, so why not? Actually, tonight we are having our usual dessert (called D) smorgasbord. A combination of mango sorbet, banana-chocolate ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food Frozen Yogurt (We are watching our weight) Ben & Jerry’s “That’s My Jam” ice cream (we’re not that strict) and Straeter’s (I have to turn you on to this ice cream) Black Cherry Chip (which should be called Chunk ice cream.) Believe it or not, my cardiologist whose father was my pediatrician hooked us up with this brand. Hooked up in the OLD sense, I don’t even want to know what the new usage IS.

I would like to point out that as much as you are our favorite comedian and of course our favorite show, there is one thing you may want to consider changing. PLEASE think of another opening other than “Hot Crowd.” Once in a while it’s funny, every night, not so much. I mean this with utter respect and comic relief.

You have brought comedy, wholesomeness and joy back to the country and I thank you for doing that for our nation. I now pronounce you “The New Shirley Temple” and I cried when she died.

So, Jimmy, feel free to look through my blog and then, get in touch with me. It could be one of those Oprah phone calls where I would never believe you are on the phone for real. Send a car for me, because G-d knows, I’m NOT driving into the city and we will talk. I’m flexible about writing for you, shmoozing,comedy, whatever you need. I’ll even watch your adorable girls from time to time in a pinch.

My own kids are amazing, I have a “boy” who is graduating from Binghamton and he is going to Med School in the Fall and a cracker-jack “girl” in Geneseo, who is a Junior and will have a double major in Spanish and Pre-Law.

How did we get them to SUNY’s? Basically, we bribed them with new cars.

Nice talking to you, Jimmy

Congratulations on your beautiful family.

Sincerely yours,

ME

 

 

 

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20 ( Illness- Free) Random Things About Me

Jelly Doughnuts

Image by JMRosenfeld via Flickr

1)  I hate spam in my folder and if it reaches above 10 or 15 I HAVE to delete it. I won’t wait the month they promise to automatically delete it. I don’t trust them, plus I’m a little OCD.

2) Need to love my dinner on Sundays. An old family tradition dating back to when I was a child.

3) Still love and own (and may purchase more) stuffed animals or as I call them “friends.” And, I’m not embarrased about it.

4) I have been known to put either grape jelly or strawberry jam on pizza. Happily. It started with dry pizza in college, it has continued. Don’t judge, try it.

5) I am happy for 3 seasons of the year. Winter? Not so much.

6) I have NO sense of direction but can remember every word from a fight with my husband that happened 25 years ago. (My husband hates this.)

7)  I love jelly doughnuts:  I always pick raspberry jelly instead of strawberry jelly at Dunkin’Donuts. Made that mistake once, won’t make that mistake again.

8) I don’t care about my age but I always care about my birthday. I used to think it should be a National Holiday…..and why isn’t it?

9) If there was a fire and my family and dog were safe and I could pick one item to save it would be Nokey, my frail, old stuffed animal that my Dad bought me when I was two. Nokey (from not knowing how to say Monkey, will be 52 on my/our birthday) in October.

10) My favorite cake is a cake that is chocolate with layers of raspberry jam and chocolate cream. An Americanized version of the Austrian Sacher Torte.

11) My husband is an absolute sweetheart who makes me a cup of coffee every morning; he makes a mean gazpacho too.

12) I sometimes worry about things before they happen, called anticipatory anxiety.

13) I don’t get people who get “high” on exercising. Never has happened, never will. I guess I’d have to exercise more to find out. LOL. So not happening.

14) The cicadas singing their songs at night in the summer comforts me. I imagine them having conversations with each other as I try to fall asleep.

15) I used to throw up in the bushes before day camp every day when I was little.  Did my parents think this was normal behavior?

16) Old friends are not “always” there. Some are, some aren’t. There is no guarantee. New friends are a special gift.

17) Chris Rock changed the way I think about my hair. I had my natural brown color glaze to hide the fake highlights he said everyone in his audience had.

18) Love Arnold Palmer lite iced tea and lemonade mix.

19) I used to have a crush on John Denver and before that, Bobby Sherman. In my fantasy we sang on stage, together.

20) Did I mention how much I love jelly doughnuts?