Could it be Magic? (Carry on Tuesday)

Happiness (Photo credit: baejaar)

An Easier Life

Nobody ever said life was going to be easy. In our young innocence we just assume it is because we know no different; our families have protected us from life’s troubles. That, my dear, can only last a short time, you do know that right?

It’s been a rough couple of months, actually it’s been rough for a long time now. As we grow older we look back on our lives, I do not envy the youth of today. No, I really don’t. Growing older does not have many perks. We all handle it differently. There are cheery and optimistic people with me in the nursing home and some say clichés like “You’re as young as you feel.” Frankly I think that’s a crock…”

There are people like me who are over sensitive to other people’s suffering and pain. I feel other people’s pain, it becomes a part of me, I’ve been that way since I’ve been a child, I can’t undo who I am or try not to care. It doesn’t work. I sincerely wish it would. It would cause me so much less pain. I don’t blame anyone but myself but I always thought caring about others was a good thing, no? Well, not for me, you see.

I’ve accepted, after many years, that people are very different, though growing up I thought everyone felt the way I did so when caring wasn’t reciprocated, I was often hurt. As a child how would you know that all people act differently?  Who else could I learn from if not from myself? Life changed that, many years later in my life, not quickly enough but eventually I learned and adjusted, but it never felt natural to me.You deal with whatever happens to you and sometimes you still deflate like a withering balloon starting from a room’s happy ceiling and twirling slower and slower until all the life that has been kept it in the balloon deflates and now it’s just a tiny lump of pink  lying embarrassingly at your feet, defeated and dead.

Many things have happened in the world lately, things that I thought I would never see in my older years. Things I didn’t want to see: the horror of September 11th, the killing of children and adults in Newtowne, Connecticut and this week, the joyful runners of the Boston Marathon and onlookers killed senselessly. I spent almost half of my life in Boston, the good years, the young, innocent years when Hank and I got married. There was a joy known only to newlyweds, many more days clothed in bright yellow happiness than the darkness of fear. There was nothing to worry about back then; could it have been just magic? Maybe, it was the utter happiness, cloud of love and youth, having no responsibilities and living in a simpler, easier time.

There were no bomb threats or terrorist attacks back then, now our children and grandchildren live in constant fear and uncertainty. I’m glad Hank isn’t alive to see all of this.  The Boston Marathon this past week put people back, straight back to 9/11, this terror spares no one, no place, no time. How hard, how scary it to live actively in today’s world. I fear for my children and my grandchildren. I have lived a long, life, and for that alone, I am happy to be old. If I died tonight there would be no regrets.  Sitting in my room, rocking in my chair, smiling at the pretty white flowers, visits from my children and grandchildren, sleeping and a good meal is all I ask for and all that I want. I don’t envy the youth of today, in fact, I feel quite sad for them.

Carry on Tuesday: A ray of hope flickers in the sky, Newtown, CT.

Infrared Background Light from First Stars (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s been said that when a child is born, with all their innocence and sweetness, that a ray of hope flickers in the dark, dark sky. That if you look up at the time of the child’s birth, you too, can see the bright star of illumination descending to earth as all of us above are around him or her. We surround the baby with joy and laughter, we murmur and sing with happiness and grace and a quiet round of applause. We welcome your child, every child to the world so each child born already feels special, like the unique miracle they are.

But, when a child dies, we weep. You may not hear us, or feel us amongst your grief, but we are right beside you, holding your hand, touching you and never leaving your side or your child’s side. We know about the tragedies that happen in your world and don’t think it doesn’t upset us because it hurts us too. We must stay calm because we know how beautiful the other side is and it is our job is to take the physical body of your child and guide it to the other side. The love for your child and the child’s love for you is never taken away, please know that. The spiritual side of your child is with you forever, love never dies; it is always around in different forms. Some of you may need to get used to that, others take to it immediately. If you are open to it, you will receive messages but it may take time.

Of course you will miss the physical body of your child, that IS gone forever and nothing can change that, not even a miracle. But know, with the same joy we have delivered your child to you, we have brought them home to heaven and there they are safe, and happy and know that both us angels and you love them very much. They are watching over you now, and telling you not to be sad, to try to remember their memories with laughter and happiness when you are ready. They don’t want you to be sad anymore than you wanted them to feel pain. This lifetime is over, but a new one is beginning, the children have been laughing since they arrived. Move on from the past, look forward to the future, do this for your child and for your family.

Please know that when a child is taken from his/her family they do go to a better place, they are no longer in pain. But, also know, it does not go unnoticed in our world above; the star that flickered bright when your child was born to you is extinguished in the sky to commemorate your child’s loss. It is how we grieve your loss. We are always at your child’s heavenly side but we will never forget about you either.