Extra Poop With Your Turkey Burger?

Deutsch: Veganer Burger mit Pommes vom Restaur...

Deutsch: Veganer Burger mit Pommes vom Restaurant “Kopfeck” in München (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oh wait. What? You are not actually asking me, if I want more poop in my burger? There already IS poop or “fecal matter”or disease causing germs like “salmonella” or “staph” IN my turkey burger? Funny, I didn’t see those items listed on the ingredients, did you?  Well, I certainly don’t feel guilty munching on my cheddar cheese all beef burger with carmelized onions now. Of all things you had to find in turkey burgers, you found poop? I’m sorry but that is downright disgusting.

I don’t know what to eat anymore. I thought I was being heart healthy by ordering a lower fat turkey burger but turkey burger with “fecal matter” no thank you. Just mention a turkey burger now and I start retching. Will I ever eat a turkey burger again? I really can’t say besides how did this actually happen?  More importantly, how long has it been going on and why wasn’t it inspected properly?

My beef cheeseburger was served with delicious, well done,well seasoned thin french fries. I ate about three or four of them, I’m not much of a french fry girl. If I had to pick food that most people enjoy but that I could easily live without? My pick would be french fries. (Dessert is another matter altogether. I could not give up dessert.)In front of me are a pound of rainbow cookies, (Rainbow cookies have thin layers of marzipan, cake and jelly ) that I bought for my husband’s birthday.) I also bought him a brownie topped with chocolate ganache  that he “forgot” to eat. Okay buddy, that sucker is going to get stale if I don’t remind you; I’m just doing you a service, always happy to help out, hon.

Tricolor cookies

Tricolor cookies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I get stuck on something (not that I am stubborn or anything) I just can’t go back that easily. There was a dead bee in my Greek salad years ago and I couldn’t return to that restaurant  for years. What is safe? I guess veggie burgers are still approved… Here’s the thing, what once was considered “safe”,  before becomes questionable, how soon can we trust that it’s truly safe this time? My solution? I can always eat rainbow cookies, they may have a little food coloring in them but I can’t imagine there’s any fecal matter. When will I be able to trust that there is no poop in my turkey burger? I have no idea, maybe I’ll wait and see and eat rainbow cookies until I am very, very, sure.

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Mint Chip Ice Cream Does So Taste Like Toothpaste…..( A Crazy Foodie Blog)

Crest MultiCare Whitening toothpaste

Image via Wikipedia

Tonight I had left-over pizza for dinner. It was dry, it had that too- long- in -the- refrigerator smell and the fresh tomato, mozzarella and basil disappeared. I warmed it up but nothing changed. I had to make it taste better, we were out of food so I did what I have done since college (yes, I have witnesses) I put jam on my pizza. We only had Dominoes pizza way back then ( don’t worry, Dominoes, I’m sure your pizza is better now.) I was out of luck,I did not have Welchs’ grape jelly at home. I knew there MUST be something to help me out.  Two minutes later, I saw it gleaming and sitting on the side of the refrigerator door practically winking with a come-hither look.  A jar of peach preserves sat unopened. It gave the pizza the texture it needed and if I closed my eyes it was like eating French bread with jam. Thank you for saving my dinner.

There are questions that are just unanswerable: For example: why is it that I love peanut butter but hate peanuts? I don’t like chick peas but I do like hummus.  Could texture be an issue? Keep me far away from raw oysters, mussels or raw tuna. Tuna from a can mixed with celery and mayo does not count since it was YEARS before I associated the canned tuna with  real fish.

I’m s little fussy with my food, I admit it.  I also have the nose of a foxhound and if milk is even contemplating spoiling I sniff it out immediately and throw it away . “Dear Grocery Store Stocker, don’t think you’ll ever fool because I know not to take the product in the front and I check the expiration dates. I am on alert at all times, always saying  out loud “Did you think you could fool me? Amateur!!!!”  So what if I get a couple of weird looks?

I love eggs in any form but if I detect the tiniest bit of egg-shell in my food, crunching in my mouth it takes enormous self-control not to vomit, especially if I am in a restaurant.  IF I have been brave enough to swish it away in my mouth with juice or soda, ( can’t do it with plain water) there is no way that I would eat anymore. Also, if the egg white is not cooked through I can’t eat it (see texture issue). It’s almost as bad as  finding a hair in my food (again, think restaurant) which I think is also appalling. That is why, I sniff and explore my food before my first bite.  I think of myself as having certain food requirements: no egg-shell, spoiled stuff, hair in food, oh, and dead insects.

The last time I had a Greek salad in my favorite tiny Greek restaurant it was served with a dead bee lying right on top. Is it too much to ask that people look at the food before they serve it? I haven’t been back to that restaurant in two years now. I know about the chances of having it happen again but still….This is why when I go to a restaurant I face away from the kitchen. As you can tell,  I did read Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain and it both saved my life and ruined my life at the same time. Blame him.