FWF, Kellie Elmore- Image Prompt

Image Credit: We Heart It

The” haunted house” has always been in my neighborhood. When we were little we stayed away from it. When I became a teenager and my little sister, Dani, would annoy me I would tell her the ghosts from the haunted house would fly in our windows and take her if she wasn’t asleep. I thought it was funny, you know one of those older sister “things.”

When I was 15 I claimed that neglected house as my own. Eventually it became our crack house,but for the first few months it was our hang out. We’d go there every day, cutting Senior year’s “internship” program. We had a tight circle of five or six friends. We all brought drugs, I stole pills from my mother’s medicine cabinet, there was alcohol, weed, all of us brought food, Benny and Steve always had heroin, my best friend Jenny brought cocaine and chocolate chip cookies.

My parents had no idea of who I had become. All they did was fight with each other. It was pathetic how easy lying was. If you wanted to change your life, it was so simple.  Assholes. They didn’t even pay attention. My little sister played in her room, alone. She barely came out.

One night, at dinner, the tension between my parents was especially bad, thick like the humid rain forests, we had to study. Hard to breathe. I saw my  7-year-old sister sucking her thumb which she hadn’t done since she was 3. I was fed-up with their non-stop bickering but when I tried to say something both my parents would tersely say “not now Tess.”

I pushed my chair back from the table and left, telling them I had study group and they didn’t even question me about what class or where I was going, so I left. I headed to my real home, the crack house where I knew my friends were.


I sat on the floor next to Danny he lit up a joint and we shared a few beers. It felt so good. I tried to forget about mom and dad but it was hard. Danny said there was one thing that would help me forget all about it as we giggled together and he nuzzled into me and whispered in my ear “I have something special just for you.” He laughed and said “Baby. I promise you, it is the biggest high you will ever have, all your silly problems will melt away in a minute.” He showed me the heroin and the idea of escaping my miserable world was so tempting.”Since it’s your first time, I’ll even stay with you if you want.”

We kissed and I whispered “okay” in his ear. He looked so happy that I let him inject the heroin into my vein. First, from what I can remember, I felt amazing, lots of colors and sounds, I had no idea where I was but it was better than any place I had seen. I remember dancing to the music alone, smiling a lot.

Later on, I got paranoid and scared. I just remember screaming so loudly in my ear. Everywhere people were screaming and I couldn’t take all that noise, I cried from the pain, covered my ears with my hands but it did not go away. Hours later there was nobody left and the screaming remained. Apparently the screaming came from me.

I don’t know what happened after that, someone must have called the police because I just remember an ambulance coming and strapping me down. I screamed when I saw both my parents waiting at the hospital, holding hands? The nurse gave me a shot. I felt  asleep in seconds.

When I awakened I pretty much just felt stupid, only realizing then that my problems had just begun.I saw a glimpse of my little sister hiding behind the curtains. I tried to smile but she did not want anything to do with me. I didn’t blame her.

I really was sorry, I guess we all were. My parents decided we would all go to family therapy and they would go to couples counseling. I lived back at home and my relationship with my little sister got better, sometimes I even played with her in her room. The crack house had been gutted and cleared.

I was happy to see it go. More than happy.

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New Year’s Eve Is Not Always Happy

Two Candles

Two Candles (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For all the people dreading tomorrow night, I’m here. I’m dreading it too. There are hundreds of reasons to dread it and I’m not even going to bother mentioning them, because you know why? They don’t matter. You feel what you feel and no one can deny your feelings. You have every right to acknowledge how you feel, just please try not to cover them up and drink irresponsibly.

I admit, I wish I did drink, one cocktail or one glass of wine. I hate the taste of alcohol, always did, even in college when friends were trying to get me to drink watery, warm beer and I just couldn’t do it. The taste was awful. I didn’t “practice” drinking so I got used to it and I didn’t let my friends change my mind. They would go up to the bar and order two pitchers of beer and one glass of Coke.

To this day I will have a sip of someone’s drink to see if I like it but I haven’t been successful. The closest I have come is Amaretto mixed with milk or orange juice or a sour mix, sometimes I can drink a half of one of those drinks. Generally, if I take a sip or two of my husband’s wine I say “I feel it already” and I do. My adult children make fun of me but again, drinking to them is like chips and dips to our generation. Believe me, I’m not condoning it. Trust me.

Whether you go to bed at ten tomorrow night, ( I’ve done that plenty of times, ) or you and your best friend, your dog, your spouse, your life partner, relative, facebook buddy stay up till after midnight, I wish you all a Happy 2014. I don’t plan a thing on New Year’s Eve except a good dinner at a very early seating in a nice restaurant, with my husband and two grown-up children, this year with my mom because she had no plans.

I’ll be honest, at 10:20pm I will know exactly when to look at the clock, and I will remember all too clearly that twelve years ago my beloved father passed away in a hospital, with no one there by his side.  I talked to the surgeon, I asked him if I could come and I remember his gentle voice saying “No sweetie, don’t come it will be too late.” I was able to talk to the ICU nurse who promised to give my dad a message and I gave my Dad permission to leave us, telling him we would take care of each other.
I mentioned a special word that he and I used together. He passed away within minutes.

So, whatever your sorrow is, whatever your personal story is, I understand. I truly do. You can write them down here or to me privately if you feel like talking about it. Just remember you are not alone, there are people who love you and staying up until midnight is not such a big deal. Tomorrow will come, as it always does.

Happy 2014 to all my readers, to my friends. I wish you peace, health, happiness. I wish you joy.

Plinky Prompt: Happily Ever After?

  • Bride and Groom Toppers

    Bride and Groom Toppers (Photo credit: mags20_eb)

  • And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there? See all answers
  • Happily Ever After
  • Happy Enough.
  • “And they lived happily ever after” is why Disney invented movies. You don’t see Jasmine worrying about her unemployment check and obviously Cinderella does alright at the end, marrying her prince. Aladdin doesn’t get laid off from work, ever. But, no one stays in that state of ecstasy of being a newlywed forever. It’s a fantasy. I’ve been married almost twenty-five years. I think that is a wonderful thing. Has it been easy all the time? No. Have we gone through rough patches? Yes. Not everyone wants to work through them, for some it’s just a quickie divorce. Marriage is a serious commitment: to each other and to our children. My husband and I are great friends, we have the same values; we love and like each other. All the time? That makes me laugh. Most of the time? Absolutely. Here’s to (at least) another 25! Congratulations to US!

WRITE RAW: That’s the price of admission (no editing)

“I didn’t want to belon in their stupid club, I told you that, Mom, I said I didn’t want to but you didn’t listen. You never listen. I said NO. why did you have to push me and talk to others to get me in to a place I didn’t want to go in the first place. Why? To embarrass me as you usually do? No, don’t give met hat “I thought you would have a good time” I said I hated that place and you know it. You lied to me because I said I wanted to stay with Dad this summer. He said he might call, so he hasn’t yet, so what? There’s another week and a half, he could call by then. Why don’t you ever give him or me ghe benefit of the doubt?

Anyway, I’m not going there, no chance. So not. I am not going to that obnoxious club with those stupid girls that think the only thing more important than getting a tan is going into Abercrombie and buying 30 dollar tee shirts. Uh-uh, no way.Why are you saying I’m being unreasonable, you’re the one that is being unreasonable. Compromise? Fine, I’ll try it for a few days but that’s it. You can’t force me, I’m NOT being fresh, fine, ok, I’ll go and try to give it a chance but maybe I will hear from dad and then all bets are off. Deal?”

I went into my room and closed the door firmly, I was in enough trouble already for talking back to my mom and refusing to go to the swim club she enrolled me in. It;s not that I didn’t really want to go but I was so hoping I could stay with my dad in San Francisco like he promised this summer. I hated thinking he had broken another promise and that’s what I was really mad about. I brushed the tears away from eyes quickly, my spiky black-blue hair stood up and I muffled my sobs in an old bandana that my dad got me when I was  little. My parents divorced when I was 5. I’ve lerned never to expect anything from him but it still hurts, kinda.

He never called, not that day or even that week. When I called him he didn’t even remember what I was talking about. he was a big deal record producer and he was usually high as a kite so i tried not totake it personally but I was upset and i knew my mom could see it. We just didn’t talk about it. I decided to go to the swim club because I had literally nothing else to do, all my friends were supposedly there and sitting in the house for one more day with my mother and aunt was jsut not an option.

I didn’t even tell them I was going, just drove to the club, with my towel and some food and went in, they didn’t even check my pass, well, because they knew me and I guess my name was written down there. I sat with some of the cool kids that were there, they acrtually iinvited me to sit with them so I did. They were complaining about their summers so I told them about mine and my dad and they thought it was awesome that he was a record producer and all that.When the life guards weren’t around someone brought out a couple of joints and passed them around. I had never smoked them before but hey, I was bored nad my mother forced me to come here so I thought why not? She said she wnted me to come here, well I was smoking dope now, that’s the price of admission, as I lay ther stoned out of my head and lying back in the sun.

I went back every day, smoking every day, drinking beer too. My mom didn’t notice a think except my eyes were red and I told her it was from the chlorine. My friends and I hung our all day and night together, we got pretty trashed but it was something to do. I HAD wanted to go to San Francisco with my dad but I guess he was too busy for me, well, I don’t want to go there anymore. I’m happy here with my friends, smoking weed, every single day.

Pop Cop: TomKat (But Not Really)

English: The Actress Katie Holmes at the Natio...

English: The Actress Katie Holmes at the National Memorial Day Concert in Washington, D.C., May 24, 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s true, the Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes pending divorce is the talk of the town but guess what? I’m surprising you all. I’m not dishing on it. I have, in the past, dished on a lot of lovely, juicy gossip but even I can’t stoop so low to involve a child in this worthless gossip. Also? No one is shocked or truly surprised. We don’t care. Most of us actually feel relieved. Oh come on, you know you do. I do! I not only feel relieved that Katie is filing for divorce from Tom but I feel like a proud mama. You go, Katie!

Tom Cruise lost me a long time ago, I wasn’t even that upset that he jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch talking about his new lady-love, Katie Holmes. I thought it was romantic if not a bit maniacal. He didn’t lose me at “Hello” he really lost me in the leaked Scientology tape. That was bleeping scary. Bleeping seriously scary. No shit.

Would I want MY daughter (or myself) to be forced to join some “cult-like religion” against my will? Hell, no. I am not even bashing the Scientologists, (well, ok, I am a little). Dudes, are you really STALKING Katie Holmes? That is mad uncool. Please stop. Apparently Katie and her daughter Suri, are not big fans of Scientology, let’s leave it at that, shall we? In other words, Leave Them The Eff Alone.

They want OUT. Katie blindsided Tom with a divorce. It was brilliant. He was in Iceland. She coolly walked up the steps in Manhattan and quietly privately, filed for divorce and sole custody. Take that, Tom. BAM.

p.s. Being divorced three times now, is totally UNCOOL Maybe you should think about who you really are and not get remarried again….If only for all your children’s’ sake.

Dear Maria Shriver (Political Pop Cop)

Modified version of Image:Arnold Schwarznegger...

Image via Wikipedia

What the hell are you thinking? Don’t Even Think About Taking Him Back. Promise me you will at least talk to your gal pal Oprah before you make any decisions. I don’t think Oprah would stand any of this hanky-dirty-panky crap and I don’t blame her. Listen, you gave your marriage a really good try, you beat all odds, but please, don’t humiliate yourself and take him back because the papers are reporting that he is buying you NICE presents. Ugh. You have your own money, buy yourself whatever your little heart desires.

I understand you have children, I really do. However, what will your children think of you accepting your cheating husband back? What will it say about you as an independent woman? I’m sorry, I’m just not like the “Stand By Your Man” kind of gal. Look at poor, lovely, deceased Elizabeth Edwards? I want to growl…..at her ex-husband and hopefully Arnold too.

I do know that divorce is very hard for you and I can sympathize however, don’t lower your standards, please. Do you think you can ever trust Arnold again? Isn’t marriage based on trust? Call me old-fashioned but I’ve been married twenty-three years and if I found out my husband had fathered another child long ago, his “really nice presents” would not sway me for a second. Personally, I’d toss them out of the window. With extreme pleasure!

Stand your ground, all of us women are behind you. Well, most of us are. Remember, that you are a strong, talented and very smart woman. A woman we can all look up to, just please don’t take him back. If you need presents, buy them yourself or ask a good friend like Oprah to buy them for you. Trust me, I know that she would.

Sincerely,

Strong Women In The World

Winter

FICTION

Calm Beauty in Turks & Caicos

It was the middle of winter and gusts of wind came through the house as if there was no insulation. There was nothing she could do to feel warm, she had already added two sweaters and heavy socks. She slowly realized that it wasn’t the amount of clothing that she had on that counted, she felt lost and empty inside, cold to the touch. It wasn’t always like this, she knew, but it had been for quite a few years. She let her mind drift to far away places, sand, sun, tropical islands.

There are choices you make in life, one for the family and one for yourself. She wouldn’t get divorced even if it meant sacrificing her own satisfaction, she would not, repeat not, sell her children’s happiness for her own. She knew a lot of divorced couples but this was not an option for her. They didn’t hate each other, they liked each other in a very friendly way. People talk about not having choices but there are always choices. She chose to keep her family in tact, to accept less fulfillment of other factors, you know, sex, passion, adventure, excitement. Yes, she chose her family, and she would do it again and again NOT to put them through the pain for some what, some fantasy of being 30 again? No. Things were what they were and she accepted that and yes, she was grateful for them. No one said she couldn’t fantasize, fantasies were allowed, no one knew what her mind was thinking or her heart was wishing. She kept things private and she knew that might be old-fashioned but she didn’t care. She was a mother, her kids came first. She had made her decision a long time ago.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

If I Had My Own TV Show – fiftysomething

Thirtysomething (TV series)

Image via Wikipedia

If you are old enough to remember the show “thirtysomething” I would have a show called “fiftysomething.” I don’t know why it hasn’t been done before. This would be a realistic show that would deal with the ‘sandwich generation” all of us aging baby boomers. It would feature our kids, our parents and the loss of our parents. How the economy affected us. Life. Children. Divorce. Being wIdowed, still being single. It would deal with life, giving us a sense that we are not alone, that we all have to suffer through these things and it would be based on real stories and with much-needed humor. Because if you can’t laugh about all this aging crap, you just have to cry!

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Tiny Different Pieces of Ugh

I’m in a funk. I had two days of happiness from the good news that Celine Dion was pregnant with twins. Now this: Al and Tipper Gore are getting divorced? Thanks to SNL’s cast members Seth and Amy all I can say is: “”Really?” and “Are you kidding me?.”  It’s not even the Clintons’? We wouldn’t be shocked then. It’s the Gore’s? The one with the romantic kiss that we all swooned about?  Seriously Tipper? This is very unsettling. I’m one of the last believers in true romance and you had to spoil it for me. Thanks. What happened to the comfort of companionship? Is there more to this? I almost wish there was. It would be easier to understand.

Is there nothing good in the world anymore? We have massive oil spills, the extent of which we will never really know, wars in G-d knows how many places and deadly diseases  that seem no closer to getting cured. There’s poverty, devastation, tsunamis, hurricanes and the fact that bacon is really, really bad for you. I’m cranky and I deserve to be.

I write my soon to be ex-guru Dr. in the City and tell him I have been having pain almost every day that is incapacitating for the last 4 weeks because of the new medication and ask his sage advice. I’ve long given up on support or bed-side manner. He writes back a terse note and says “continue for 4 more weeks.” That’s the answer, the cure, the solution? I want to tell him to go to hell but I refrain. Though, I have to say I am sorely tempted.

My husband’s ex-employer and royal pain in the butt boss went on-line today to say how “exited he was for their new venture.” What new venture? He hasn’t paid my husband or anyone else that worked for him in at least 6 months. New venture, my ass. I totally dislike this dude, who should be named Skipper because he is an extremely wealthy brat that has huge amounts of family money and doesn’t understand that people, like us, need to be paid, in order to eat and pay the bills.

Ted Koppel’s son is dead, the Israelis are apologizing at the same time I receive an essay with a photo of attackers with swords trying to seal Israel’s fate on that boat. I have stomach cramps and didn’t get enough sleep. I watched Sarah Ferguson on Oprah which I swore I wouldn’t do and I did and it was truly pathetic and not in a sympathetic way either. Let’s excuse everything to addiction now: drink, love, sex, spending money and hey, Hallmark cards. Sarah Ferguson, you have sunk to a new low and I can’t even feel sorry for you.

I’m hoping for a loud and boisterous thunderstorm tonight, thrashing trees and a downpour of crystal sheets of rain; maybe it will move all the bad stuff away. Except for the fact that I just found out the loving Rue Mclannahan, from Golden Girls, passed away. That’s making both me and new cult-hero Betty White really sad. Just bring it on. Really. We’re used to it.