An Open Letter To Ellen Degeneres

English: Ellen DeGeneres in 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Ellen, I hope you don’t mind me addressing this to you, I just need someone to listen, someone who cares about other people. I thought you were the right person even though I’m sure you will NEVER see it. That’s okay. With the exception of a few best friends I’ve learned the hard way that other people are too busy in their own lives to care.

I DON’T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU.

I guess I’m trying to think and talk out loud here. I’m lost, and have no idea what happened to me, I have no idea who I am either though I used to know so clearly.

Have I just become a mountain of symptoms trying to blend themselves together in a jig saw puzzle where no piece fits? I’ve made changes, I stay away from negative people, I try to be as kind as possible and pay it forward when I can but still trouble follows me like a black cloud.

Believe me, I am NOT asking for pity. I don’t want anyone’s pity, if I want pity I give it to myself, underneath my three layers of blankets, with the door shut tight, my dog lying next to me on my bed. I don’t want pep talks either, encouraging me that it “is just a phase.” This phase is my life and I have accepted it, I just don’t understand it.  When I try to fight against the “down” period, people tell me not to do that and to be positive. Everything is a mixed message.

You have the natural talent to bring joy to others just by being yourself, I love that.

Right now, I am a huge collection of symptoms that I don’t mind sharing, I’m 57, there are people who are 97 that are healthier than I am. From head to toe: narrow angled glaucoma (eyes) many, MANY painful treatments in my eyes to try to correct that, but its a life long condition, hearing loss (had stapedectomy-operation for ears) the dreaded Eppiglottitis, I don’t wish on my worst enemy, I shiver at the thought, (open, gaping wounds below the throat,) horrific TMJ, shooting pains from my jaw/ear to my brain causing me to scream with agony caused by any random thing and some other facial myalgia the doctors threw at me) which I don’t even count. I have IBS, Fibromyalgia, Fatigue, No energy, Chronic muscle and joint pain, Fibro Fog (not remembering something someone said a minute ago.) General Anxiety Disorder, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (an auto immune disease of the thyroid) foot pain, wait, the most recent one and most deadly,  Kidney Failure, Stage 3? (No one ever told me about Stage one or two) I think I’ll stop here.

Now for the social things, I can’t work because of the above illnesses, my husband was laid off for the second time and still is not working. We have two fabulous children who are attending two different state universities and a dog (our second) I rescued from a shelter.

I want you to know that we ARE thankful for our blessings, we truly are. Writing this down makes me realize that even more.Thank you for listening, sometimes it is good to write it down and look at it on paper.

But, am I jinxed? Is this what they call “going through a rough patch?” Whenever I feel I’ve reached bottom something else happens. Do you only know where the bottom is when you finally start climbing up slowly? Isn’t it possible to stay down here forever?

I guess I just have to accept what is going on now, breathe slowly in and out and believe that something good will happen. Someday.

Please don’t “like” this post. I don’t.

Diagnosis: Anxiety

Anxiety Always (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You know that feeling in your stomach that makes your muscles clench but you don’t have a real stomach ache from eating too much and you don’t have a virus? That’s where anxiety starts for me. I’m literally writing this blog while having an anxiety attack and honestly, it’s not that easy to remain focused. Part of me thinks about throwing up but I’m trying to be calm, trying to breathe until I can’t do this any longer. I know you guys understand. That’s why I love blogging, for the people who read my blog. If you can’t relate to anxiety, I’m sure you can relate to other things I write about, humor, Pop Cop, my love of Food, Chocolate, Pizza (fine, with jam but only if the pizza is too dry) some of the ailments: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and having the energy of a dying tick. Actually, an ailing tick may have more energy than I do. I forgot a few other ailments like Imbalalnce and such but it’s pathetic enough as it is, I won’t bore you with more details. I bore myself as it is.

My husband and I are (and I hate these words) “empty nesters.” We’re also in the “sandwich generation” another over popular phrase that is used ad nauseum. Basically we are a married couple, we just celebrated twenty-five years of marriage and both our adult children are in college. I have my mom who is still alive and my husband has both parents alive and they still play tennis. Amazing.

Like many people my husband just got laid off from his job a few days ago. That’s stress provoking, people. He works doing computer stuff which is what I basically call it but it’s something like Software Product Development Management. I know nothing about it but if you do or know someone who might be able to help can you please have them get in touch with me?  I’ll send it to him and it would really be an act of incredible kindness, no matter where you live. In any case, I can’t change things, I try not to worry about them and in the end, things will turn out the way they are supposed to turn out.

About a week ago I had the mother of all anxiety attacks when my son turned 21, my husband lost his job and my mother, who was a little sad because all her friends were moving, decided that maybe she should consider moving too. It was a long day and a tough weekend.  We all know I’m not very good at change especially three changes in one day but after 24 hours I was much better. Breathe in, breathe out. Maybe that meditation class was worth the money after all.

I’m trying to do the best that I can, even writing this all down has helped me become last anxious. Having my dog Lexi, literally lying on my legs so I can’t move, her face close to me, makes me happy. From a crazy, wild puppy she has become an affectionate, loving girl dog. She knows that I need to lie down a lot and when I am home, she jumps up on the bed and cuddles with me.

The anxiety has lessened. I know there will be moments of panic but from now on, we have to take it step by step. I give thanks for what we still have. I will try to keep reminding myself of that, whatever happens will happen. Worrying about it won’t do me or anyone else any good. There’s a reason for everything and now we wait.

Employment Application, 2013

So freaking delicious, from my favorite restaurant Le Madeline 🙂 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Hiring Manager:

Wanted: Full or Part-time Job involving food, writing or any combination of the two. Traveling with car service a must: ( I have NO sense of direction and that is an understatement)  It is NO joke. It is NOT covered by the ADA but  why isn’t it?  Mode of transportation:  Airlines: Private jet or first class preferable, business class necessary, economy, okay..if I must. Stand by: Been there, done that.

Interests: Food, Special Interest: Dessert, Food TV shows, Favorite all time dessert: Sacher Torte: Original or Fake, German or Austrian or American from Kew Gardens, Queens at the Homestead Gourmet with raspberry jam.I had it every year growing up for my birthday and I miss it. RIP Teddy.

Special Skills: Having traveled (for free) in my childhood I am extremely knowledgeable to rate hotels in addition to their restaurants and room service if you would like me to do that. I do not shy away from extra assignments, in fact, I just offered a very, informative link to the hotel industry. Can someone call ‘The Hilton’s’, please?

Proof of Expertise: Reading my blog, references, and restaurant owners in the area. I wrote a review of “The Flying Pig” for the local newspaper, it is not my fault they closed the restaurant, we still miss it, I assure you. Receipts upon request.

Good Points: Very amicable, charming, an excellent communicator, doesn’t like alcohol. Does not consider sorbet a dessert, perhaps as a palette cleanser and no weird flavors like octopus or lizard. Prefers cakes over pies, ice cream in addition to the cake never in lieu of the cake. Fresh fruit on request, ha ha ha ha ha. For a special occasion our family went out to a fancy restaurant and our daughter, the vegetarian, ordered blueberries and strawberries for $12 or $15 dollars and we said “no.” She was beyond furious even after I offered to make her some at home. Cookies: any time, all the time, but if you don’t want to make them, that’s fine, go to a bakery instead, Just sayin’…

Bad Points: I confess, favorite comfort food is still Kraft American cheese slices on soft bread (not Wonder bread. Anymore.) with light spreadable “butter and a chocolate related drink, this could include hot chocolate, Yoo-Hoo or chocolate egg creams. Diet Pepsi/Coke/Root Beer acceptable too. There are certain food items and beverages that go together well. Something salty would go with this dish, chips, pretzels, nothing special.

Additional Experience: Watching TV shows with my husband on our couch while eating our dessert not to be confused with Pre-D which immediately follows our meal but is a predecessor of the real “D” (which as you may have figured out is: Dessert. Ice Cream, pastry from French bakeries, even an occasional cupcake will do if we have nothing else. (Okay, maybe a Twinkie) and Baklava, yum, (another post on Baklava is also a blog post.)

Market Reach and Development: I need to be the first person or close enough to TRY NEW PRODUCTS, that is a natural field for me, I spy them on the shelves, I immediately buy them. Case in point: “*Candy Cotton Grapes.” I did not stop until I found them, it took 3 stores but I HAD TO HAVE THEM. I excel at wanting, finding and buying new products, my mother said I’ve been like that since I was 5, haven’t stopped. (see the entry “Cotton Candy Grapes” on my blog.

Cooking Skills: I make a mean chicken soup, I can roast a chicken with lemon and love, my baking skills are superb but limited to Banana Bread with the following options (plain, chocolate chip or chocolate chip and raisin) The latter being my son’s absolute favorite and the one thing he actually brags about (and hoards) from his friends.  I can also bake Pumpkin bread with or without raisins (without for my daughter who doesn’t like the texture of raisins and many other things) Oh, I knew I would forget something an award-winning Pea Soup. (Okay not a real award but it deserves one.) I learned how to make Chopped Chicken Liver when I was ten by a neighbor…

Excellent Writing Skills: To summarize the meals, service, attention to detail and I interact beautifully with all levels of  employees. Note:  I believe that you need to be kind to everyone and yes, it’s hard but at least try. Karma is karma, I’m not perfect, neither are you.

Overall summary: Delightful person with excellent communication skills and a love of food (junky or refined), enthusiastic, funny, silly, and a charming dinner companion. This applicant plays no games, she can’t wear high heels because they hurt her feet, although she would try fancier flats if necessary, she is willing to adapt. She has dancing green eyes and brown curly hair and only wears lipstick which her mother has bugged her about for the last two months. She is thinking about being dragged to one of those fancy stores like Nordstrom (which I used to call Nordstrom’s before my daughter corrected me for the 19th time ( with the ever so charming and obvious eye roll to the sky) for a make-over. Plus, I need new clothing too.

This candidate, I can assure you, will never, ever be late. She will always, unless there is a natural disaster, be early because she had/has  European parents and there WAS no other option. She is honest, she can keep secrets and is always reliable.

Take a chance. At the very least, bring her in for an interview.

Pretty please with rainbow sprinkles on top?

Yours truly,

Me.

PS: If you call my friend Maureen she will tell you that at times I do eat pizza with either grape or strawberry jam on top. I do not deny this one bit. In fact, I am proud of it.

Plinky Prompt: Can anything be funny, or are some things off limits?

• 

  English: Ellen DeGeneres in 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  

• Can anything be funny, or are some things off limits? See all answers

• Edit answer |
• August 29, 2013 by hibernationnow

• Too funny? Not funny?

• I’m pretty conservative with this, there are things that are not funny to me.  Anything to do with race, religion, hurting a group of people’s feelings is unnecessary in comedy. Do you need it? No. Why market your comedy to offend people?  That’s not my type of humor. Ellen Degeneres? She’s my type of comedian, Jerry Seinfield too. Making fun of race and religion, never good. A joke about the holocaust, slavery, obesity? ALWAYS WRONG.  To me, anything that JUDGES other people is prejudice not comedy. You are funny without it. Oh, and keep all the swear words to yourself, while you are at it.
  

• I love you, Eddie Murphy, but clean up your mouth. You’ve made it big, you don’t need to sound like a 16-year-old anymore. It doesn’t do you any good.
• Call me old-fashioned (which I probably am) but I am not going to spend good money on trash talkers OR haters. Just my opinion, but I’m sticking to it.

Talia Castellano, Rest In Peace

heavens (Photo credit: Mystic Musings…)

I just found out that Talia Castellano passed away this morning and I burst out in tears. It was a beautiful but haunting photograph of Talia, shown right in Facebook. We all KNEW it was going to happen and I am glad that Talia is finally out of pain but it is still a shock. The actual ending, that she really is dead is unbelievable. Repeat. Talia really is dead. I can’t stop crying and I didn’t even know her personally.

My condolences, of course, go to her family and to her friends and to the angels of mercy who were with her the last few months. Bless you all. It’s hard to see anyone die, but the death of a child, especially to a mother, seems like the worst death of all. I remember my mother telling me that there is an order in life, that parents should never have to bury their children, but sometimes it just doesn’t work that way and life isn’t fair.

Sweetheart, you will always be remembered. You made a nation smile, laugh and cry. You were an inspiration for all of us. I guess now I will finally have to learn how to put on make-up in your honor and believe me, for someone who has never worn make up, it won’t be easy. I will do it for you, just as you stayed strong and “kept swimming” for all of us.

Your sense of humor and intelligence kept us grounded, and you saw the positive in whatever bad news you got, we should all learn to live like that, we have all learned from you how to put a positive spin on something that is negative. You are out of pain, and I am grateful for that.

There is one thing I can assure you, you will NEVER be forgotten. You also have made way for us to help other children now because you started the fight and we will all continue it, for you, because of you, in honor of you.

Rest In Peace, sweet angel.

Angels We Have Heard on High (Photo credit: Randy Son Of Robert)

I’m An Ugly Owl, Beyonce And Ellen Degeneres

English: Ellen DeGeneres in 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t care if Beyoncé lip synced the song, at President Obama’s Inauguration.  It was freezing outside and I’m surprised she could even move her pretty lips that well. What more do you want from a person? I would have been out there with my puffy brown down jacket, my puffy head covered with my puffy brown hood, my eyeglasses sticking out conspicuously and I would have looked like an overfed owl. An ugly owl. Not to mention, I have NO singing talent at all. Picture this, a wide gray and white owl opening its mouth to sing, off-key, not a pretty site. Beyoncé? She could wear a paper bag and make it look gorgeous, because SHE is gorgeous.

There are people I think I know when in truth I don’t. I think I KNOW Ellen Degeneres. I happen to be a good judge of character. I know she is warm, and real, and giving and gracious and a terrific human being on stage and off.  How do I know this? Gut feeling. I have never met Ellen, never talked to her, we have never had been  introduced but I just feel in my heart she is all good, maybe she gets cranky once in a while. Basically, “what you see is what you get”, it’s that simple. I would be best friends with Ellen with one exception: I HATE practical jokes( on me.) No, seriously. I scream, I pee, I have a startle reflex and I get scared by anyone who dares try to prank me even in my family. A quick darting mouse scares me and I freak out hysterically, it puts me in a panic and yes, I have been know to climb up on a chair or furniture. You are probably too young to remember but those of us who are old will remember “Eek, Eek.a mouse!” That is so me.

I have a game I play with myself. ( I lead a fairly dull life) If I was famous or had just become FAMOUS for some wonderful deed and was picked (okay, it’s my fantasy, sought after) to tell my GREAT accomplishment and all the talk show hosts wanted ME and I had offers from Oprah, Ellen, (Gosh, I don’t know who is out there any more) Barbara Walters, (Barbara, I am worried about you, a bruise on your forehead should NOT be keeping you in the hospital this long,  what are you not telling me?) The View,  Ricky Lake, Jeff Probst or Anderson Cooper (just cross them off if I made them up) who would I choose to talk to?

I admit, pre OWN, when The Oprah Winfrey show was on, I would have said Oprah, in a heartbeat. I grew up with her and I did worship her and her show. I learned so much from Oprah, the teacher, but everything has an end and when she decided to leave no one could have been more gracious. Not to mention that stunning dress! Now, I would pick Ellen. Because (there would be a-no scare tactics allowed in the contract) I feel that she is real and lovely and nice, funny, easy-going and not a diva. I would like to meet Portia and Mama ( how are you feeling Mama, did you get my Get Well card?) and we could all go out to lunch and I would pray that there would be non vegan options. Mama, please tell me you’re not vegan too. (we should chat.) But, I am flexible, I mean I’ve never had vegan food made by a private chef or anything.

I’m back to reality, Ellen’s real birthday is tomorrow and I won’t be in the studio audience and that’s okay because I just want Ellen to be happy on her birthday and Mama too.Hey, everyone else: even though we don’t have the money for lavish presents, one should always celebrate our birthdays in style because our birthdays are special to us.

Happy Birthday, Ellen!

I Just Want To Laugh, Really

English: Screenshot of Julie Andrews from the trailer for the film Mary Poppins (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know you’re smiling, I’m tickling you under your chin, come on, you know you love this movie too. Am I right? Just look at the picture of Mary Poppins, I can tell you are melting. I know every word and song from the original movie “Mary Poppins” and I’m 56 years old. Hopefully you remember it with great fondness like I do or maybe your parents showed it to you, (or dear God, your grandparents.) It is an absolutely FANTASTIC movie and, in my opinion, one of the best made films I have ever seen. It was filmed in the early sixties and I still watch it from time to time. I felt so hum-drum today that I wanted to laugh, I miss laughing.

After looking on Youtube  and finding foul-mouthed comedians, which did not amuse me, I gave up. I gave up until I remembered Mary Poppins and the scene with the laughing man on the ceiling. Sure enough, Youtube (thank you) found it for me. Whenever that man laughed so hard, he flew up in the air. To this day, when I even think about that scene I smile. That glorious feeling when your belly whoops in laughter that comes so fast you can’t take a breath and it actually hurts. Where tears roll down your face and your nose gets kind of snotty, in a good way because no one else is around you. Even writing this is making me smile and believe me, that’s better than nothing. The last time I laughed heartily, I think, was on the phone with one of my kids. I don’t remember what it was about, I just remember the luscious feeling of having laughed so hard. Hey, I’m old and getting old is no fun so you need to forgive a gal. Did I just write “Gal?” I couldn’t sound older even if I tried. Do my children even know that word? I sound old, like a granny in a rocking chair with her white hair tied up in a bun. Whatever. Who cares?

I want to knee-slap, guffaw and double over with laughter. It’s such a serious world, a tremendously serious and dangerous world that I don’t know how to have fun anymore. An old movie? Old reruns of classic TV? You know you are getting older when you watch comedians and when they just curse, word after word, you don’t find them funny just vulgar. Get over it, honey, you need a new schtick, this one is too old and unbecoming. (You know who you are) and you know (Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Ellen Degeneres) we love you, because you are very funny and seem to be nice people as well. We need that.

The answer? Since I haven’t come up with anything original, I’ll have to pop (pun intended) in the DVD I have of Mary Poppins and watch the movie now. Who can resist? I know I can’t. Watch the clip, join me for a couple of minutes, I hope you laugh.

Ellen Degeneres: Not For A Million Dollars? (Pop Cop)

English: Ellen DeGeneres in 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Look at that adorable photograph of Ellen Degeneres, she looks like an absolute angel. Her kind, blue eyes, that wide, easy smile. I adore her, I’m a big fan and I used to fantasize sitting in her audience or better yet being on her show. USED TO is the operative phrase here. The problem with just sitting in her audience is that I have a HORRIBLE startle reflex. If I was on the Ellen show and she scared me as she does everyone else, I think I would have a heart attack and die. Before that, I would definitely pee my pants and probably throw up. I’m not kidding. I adore Ellen, I have written articles about Ellen, she seems to be an amazing woman, talented, philanthropic, kind. Wait, did I say kind? She is kind, to other people, to many other people but when it comes to pranks she’s Dennis the Menace. (I’m old people, really old: google it.)

One of my life’s goal was to meet Ellen not just because she is a star, a celebrity but for who she is as a person. However, I may have to retract that because even if I would be invited on her show (think fantasy) I would be terrified about the pranks she might (HA, WOULD) pull. I wish this was a joke but I am dead serious. Sure, I laugh along with everyone else while watching her prank other people but I would be suspicious of her as soon as I landed in Los Angeles (again, think fantasy.)

Would I go on her show knowing my fear of pranks and her love for it? If she said “I will not pull any pranks on you” would I believe it? HELL NO! I do not think she is nasty or mean-spirited, I adore the woman but I have such a startle reflex and LOUD SCREAM that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I would not only embarrass myself but my entire family (although they are used to me frequently screaming or shrieking loudly.)

Ellen, I adore you. I love watching your television show. You have an incredible open and generous heart. That said, I will love you from afar, from my television box, where I can stay, somewhat safe, (wait, should I even trust you with that? and not obsess about how you would startle me and make me scream like a screeching monkey in heat.

Thanks for the laughs, for the joy, for your show. Keep dancing!

Just stay away from me.

Love,

Your fan,

Laurie F.

Hibernationnow.wordpress.com

Plinky Prompt: Who Is The Most Famous Person You Have Met?

• 

  English: Ellen DeGeneres in 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  Meeting Someone Famous

• Define Famous For Me…
  I’ve said hello to Diana Ross, John Travolta, and endless movie stars. I met Bob Barker when I was six and my parents snuck me into a taping of “The Price Is Right” when we visited Los Angeles. I’ve offered Dustin Hoffman coffee (well, me and six other people), I sat next to Vanessa Williams (I observed her complexion when she was promoting that Pro-Activ skin care line) at a conference. I saw Robert Redford in the lobby of the building I worked in and couldn’t believe it was him. More importantly, I even (I’m embarrassed and I’m sorry) met and told President Clinton that perhaps he should eat a hamburger (even though he is a vegan)( SORRY ELLEN DEGENERES) because he looked so gaunt and I worried for his health. I admit it, mea culpa.
  BUT, I don’t care about fame or fortune, title or level. I never have and I never will. I care about how a person treats me and others and I am not easily intimidated. I don’t consider Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan famous, sorry, I just don’t. Famous people? People who have changed the world for the better, people who have helped people. I would love to meet Ellen Degeneres (or Oprah when she still had her wonderful daytime show-she gave me such inspiration) because they want to make the world a better, more loving place and yes, to me, they are famous. It’s not fame that interests me, it’s character. I’d be honored to meet Ellen or Oprah, two women who have strength, love, generosity and humility. To me, that’s the definition of FAME.
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So What IF George Clooney Is Gay And Other “Celebrities?” (Pop Cop)

 

 

English: George Clooney, Cannes film festival (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

REPOST

I think that George Clooney could be gay just like Rock Hudson was gay and no one believed it back then either.  Look, I’m just printing what I’m hearing, so don’t be hating. You know why? Because it really doesn’t matter; it’s not a big deal anymore (although all the cover-up, why?) As Jerry Seinfeld quoted in his show Seinfeld (see Jerry, I know who you are, not like that Larry King dude) about the possibility of being gay: “Not that there is anything wrong with that.” A line that baby boomers are still quoting, ad nauseum. (Let’s face it, it took us years to get over saying yada, yada, yada – we are a generation of people who have trouble letting go of the past. I know.

Let’s talk a little about the Kardashians, shall we? ( I hope I sound like Church Chat Lady on OLD SNL episodes with Dana Carvey.) Who are they and why are they famous? More importantly why do all these people seem to care whether they are married or divorced, pregnant, preening or getting more and more plastic surgery? Are you telling me that the “dad” is the same Bruce Jenner that was in the Olympics as a swimmer? Who did he run into and why did he let someone to destroy his once well-known face? Ick. I truly don’t care about this family, have never watched them on television although I have seen pictures of Mom Kardashian and she scares me more than just a little. What TALENT do these people have? Ah, None. I thought so. Why are they featured in magazines when they have no talent except being adept at making themselves celebrities with a ton of cash. I don’t get it.

The last person I have no clue about and I had to google is a woman by the name of Bethenny Frankel. All I know about her is that she is in magazines and sells some lite alcoholic drinks and she had a baby. So? Why again, is she famous? (okay, famous is really the wrong word, why is she a pseudo- celebrity?) Apparently, she was on some housewives show of Atlanta if I read that correctly. Thus, a star is born? Shouldn’t she be living with the Kardashians? These people can’t act, the can barely speak eloquently, why do people admire them? THEY. HAVE. NO. TALENT.

Talent is: Ellen Degeneres, she is my hero. I admit, it once was Oprah but I’m sorry I had to switch to Ellen Degeneres. Ellen knows who she is, she celebrates her life and her marriage with her wife Portia. She helps us celebrate our own lives, she’s quick, funny, kind (very kind) and smart. There is no malice in her (except for her scaring all the celebrities which would make me pee in my pants badly.) We can look up to Ellen, she should be the one that we admire, she has incredible comedic talent and timing.

My point here is it doesn’t matter if someone is gay or not, what matters is talent and kindness and doing good things for the world. So, really who cares if George Clooney or Josh Groban, Tom Cruise and John Travolta are all gay?? Celebrate them for the great artists that they are. They have talent, that’s more than the Kardashians will ever have. Admit it.