9 And A Half Minutes, Episode 1

"one second" exhibition

Image by sugu via Flickr

Tick Tock, Tick Tock. Welcome to another edition of 9 and a half minutes. A place where I mention the things that annoy me. First up: SPAM. If you are going to send out this trash can’t you make the effort to spell “dear” CORRECTLY? It’s always misspelled and it’s in all  lower case letters :”hello deaer.” This bugs me. Not to mention that I get hundreds of junk mail every day and yes, I do, have a SPAM filter.  I am OCD about the amount the junk mail that I get so I need to check it and delete it frequently. It’s supposed to automatically delete in one month but that never happens. Every day I get the following suggestions: “buy drugs, enlargge your penis, veagra for womens, congradulations deaer, autimatic lottery winner”….just stop sending us this junk. Here’s my suggestion: ” go away, get losted, please, hun.”

Another thing that’s irritating is the call you get on a Sunday night from your favorite hairdresser, the one you found after years and years of searching. The one you trust implicitly. You finally find her and sure enough, one day you get “the call.” You know what it’s about, the minute you get the message “It’s Linda, from Tresses” on the phone. Deep in our hearts, women everywhere  know that the only reason your hairdresser is calling you at home at night is because she has fled her old job, stolen your chart and is working somewhere else. My dilemna: I love the way she does my hair but she has joined a salon that I fervently despise. It’s not the end of the world and yes, a mere annoyance but these things add up.

It has been a horrific couple of years and many of us are suffering the consequences of a bad economy. The idea of a vacation used to give me something to dream about, to look forward to. Key word: USED TO, past tense.  Even though it may not be financially feasible, it was something to dream and fantasize about.  Thinking about flying someplace warm in the middle of winter or early spring used to make me so happy, an inside secret I tucked away in my heart. Now? Thinking about flying makes me anxious, another mood elevator crashes to the ground (no pun intended.) With the media screaming about terror alerts and bomb threats, who wants to fly now?  Flying used to be fun, an exciting adventure. Now, you wait in very long lines, several times over, experience huge delays, body checks, shoe checks and most importantly, basic primal fear, anxiety and paranoia. I’d have to think it over for a long time before I would fly again and then, I would literally have to be sedated. Where’s the joy in that?

What is there to look forward to now? The economy stinks, the unemployment rate is ridiculously high and everyone seems to have less money or no money at all (with the exception of perhaps the super-rich which is even more annoying.)  The world, as we know it now, is a scary place. I know things take time but even I am losing patience. The country needs some good news, some great news. We need something, anything to feel good about our lives; I don’t care what it is. Give us a glimmer of hope, a tidbit, a really solid fantasy.

It’s the first week in November and we had sleet, snow and a power outage for six hours the other day. At this point, I’d even welcome some global warming: as in the warming up the country variety. If you hadn’t guessed it before the other thing I despise with a passion is winter. I would love to sleep straight through to spring. It’s cold and dark, scary and we all get sick; especially for those of us with chronic illnesses and pain. I know life is not perfect, believe me, I know. I also know you’re not supposed to “sweat the small stuff.” But, when the BIG stuff is all bad, the little stuff just adds an additional amount of worry and annoyance;  it makes us cranky. Very cranky. I’m not Andy Rooney, I’m just little ol’ me but I’m seriously pissed off. Join me next week for another edition.

” Hello, my name is Laurie and I am a……”

Technophobe.  Idiot.  Computer moron. Welcome to this club where computer illiterates will feel right at home. We welcome you. We don’t make fun of you if you don’t know that the Apple sign on the Mac looks like two squiggles. We understand. Everyone told me “Get a Mac, they are so EASY, you don’t have to do ANYTHING!”  Are you kidding me? I have a Mac, I think it’s complicated and I didn’t grow up (like my children did) learning about computers since first grade. Macs are not easy for me, no computer is easy for me and as much as I appreciate e-mail (although somehow it got interchangeable with the stamp icon and I am totally confused)  and a few other things like IM, I am not comfortable on the Mac. Don’t feel singled out, I am not comfortable on any computer, but your commercials were so cool!!

My husband works in the computer field, my daughter and son know all about computers and there are 4 Macs in this household. I use the Mac mainly for this writing blog and e-mail but I don’t know how to upload or download pictures. And for all my friends who say “send me a new photo” basically, I can’t. My son, 17, who gets frustrated the first 9 times he shows me, gives up after that. My daughter says “I already showed you.”  My husband who has sat with me numerous times AND I have taken notes during the lecture, ok tutorial, I still can’t follow what I have written down and so I can’t do it by myself.

I’m hopeless. Generally speaking, I either BEG for someone to do it for me (and yes, I do pay attention) or threaten to call one of the companies for impaired people like me. I don’t know why people can’t be sympathetic with this type of impairment. I think we should be covered under the ADA.  So, Dear Mr. Jobs, admittedly you are a complete genius, and pretty much everyone that works for you is probably very intelligent too. Of course, they probably could be my sons and daughters, if not grandchildren. But, what about us “old” folks? How about a computer for real dummies not just a book which we don’t understand either.

Mr. Jobs, I respect you and admire you but to tell you the truth I admire you and your wife for your incredible generosity to charity and funding for various institutions more than I do this incredible computer company.  You make a fine machine, Mr. Jobs, but you and your wife are finer human beings just being in this world and giving of yourselves. That, to me, is a club I would be honored to join.

p.s. I AM SO SORRY but  I was just told that I mixed you up with Bill and Melinda Gates but I am sure you do good stuff too. And, somehow I pushed a button which made this whole blog disappear except for the first 3 words and it took my daughter AND my husband to find it again. Sorry again about the mix-up, maybe YOU can forward it to the Gates’ ? If I do you know I will lose it again…