#FWF Kellie Elmore

Frühlingsblumen verschiedene Krokusse

Frühlingsblumen verschiedene Krokusse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Circle of Life: Death & Rebirth

This is the time for introspection, to put things in order not just for my house, but for me. My life lesson: I have clung to old friendships far too long, they are dead, like the crumpled crisp brown leaves on the yard. Friendships where I am the only one who is trying.  You can’t force a friendship and your real friends, your true friends are always there. “The past” is a nice memory not a basis for friendship.

It is the second week of November, I look out my window and see gray skies and naked trees. There is no more sun peeking from behind blue skies, I mourn the sunshine, the flowers, the bright, orange, red, yellow leaves of the Fall that used to embrace the trees. What was once my favorite season is now seen as the precursor to the worst season, Winter.

Winter is on its way, people are dismissive and say “add layers of clothing” as they stuff themselves into scarves and hats, mittens and feel warmer but not me and not anyone who shares the chronic illness of Fibromyalgia and Hashimoto’s Disease. Those words taunt us, they are a  joke, a cruel comedy, a farce. Nothing helps, the winter chill goes through our bones and latches on like a one huge tick, sucking blood. We are always exhausted, we have no energy, we have what seems like the flu without the fever, every day of our lives. In the winter our bones and muscles are stiff, unyielding and painful.

Many times I don’t get dressed. My nightgown becomes my party dress and my pajamas serve as my jeans and sneakers. I know when I am in a ” Fibro Flare” when I cannot wear anything, that strains against my body. My body is bloated and the jeans make angry red imprints on my stomach even though they are the right size for me. If I have to be outside, as soon as I  come home I literally rip the tight, restricting clothing off, my bra, my pants and change into loose, soft pajama bottoms and a well-worn tee-shirt. It is only then I can breathe. To people with chronic pain, Winter is a slow death, a Tragedy.

After a long, bleak winter, when the temperatures get higher and we have weeks of rain, my body and mind change. My body hurts because of the dampness and the changing weather but my heart knows that soon I will see buds springing from the ground to show off the first fashions of Spring. One day out of the corner of my eye, I see several bright, green buds pushing their way from the deep, dark earth. It is the promise of Spring fulfilled, crocuses have pushed their way above ground: Hope. Once the crocuses have sprung forth, soon we will see the burst of color dancing before our eyes.  It is a ballet I love to watch.  I never get bored. In a matter of days the forsythia bush in my back yard has sprouted brilliant, bright yellow lights, buds and I know that we are safe and loved.

One day, the sun pulls out its lazy arms and stretches, beams its beautiful smile and soars to the top of a deep blue sky. It is officially Summer, It is time to Rejoice, to take advantage of every single day that we have been given, a reprieve, from pain, from gloominess, a treat. I enjoy the summer as much as I can. Even though extreme heat is not good for chronic pain patients, it is good for my soul to look outside and see the painting of flowers and sun and hear the laughter of children riding their bicycles in the neighborhood. The sun, makes me happy, it does affect my mood. It softens the world around us, like a soft, romantic filter on an otherwise hard life. I am grateful for the sun, every single day, it is time to Celebrate with friends: joyous laughter, food, children selling lemonade, dogs running around outside, people holding hands. This would be my final act.

Advertisements

Yellow Magic Madness # 33: Late Afternoon Sun

English: The rear of the Shires A view looking...

English: The rear of the Shires A view looking east across the ASDA carpark, towards the geometric shapes of the rear elevation of the Shires shopping centre catching the late afternoon sunlight. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Bridleway in the Late Afternoon Sunlight.

English: Bridleway in the Late Afternoon Sunlight. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Late afternoon sunlight. Late September’s gift. I love this light,  my favorite time of day. The warmth of the day is a gift, the reflection of the sun as it shines on this surprising warm day. Warmth before the cold. Appreciate every minute you can, at night the temperatures drop quickly, we know what’s ahead. Count your blessings.

Photography credit to Photographers

lf copyright

Eppiglottitis 2: The Movie

English: Diagram of the Human Throat for the T...

English: Diagram of the Human Throat for the Throat article. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s the season when Summer is ending and you know you have a few precious days left of warm weather, light clothing and a little bit of sunshine left. As soon as those little Italian “prune” plums as we call them, appear in supermarkets, we know, summer is over. I’ve seen large candy packs lined up like soldiers at the drugstore and supermarkets for Halloween for for the past two months.  I’m waiting any day now for the Thanksgiving decorations and the holiday decorations: Christmas lights and tinsel and Chanukah menorahs and candles to be placed. In my family the fight over Thanksgiving has been going on for months.

In preparation for the Fall and Winter months, I decided to get ready by buying a large container of “home-made” chicken soup.  I make a mean chicken soup, let me tell you, better than theirs by far, but it was 93 degrees out and I couldn’t stand the thought of making it in the in my hot kitchen. I just wanted to be ready. Prepared for what, you ask? Well, obviously you have NOT suffered from the pain and misery of the dreaded disease Eppiglottitis which I have had several times and I know, my faithful readers from all over the world have too.

I am the Queen of Eppiglottitis.

Describing it as hell on earth does not give you an adequate picture. In my first Eppigottitis post called” Callling Eppiglottitis A Bitch Is A Vast Understatement” I heard from people all over the world, each one relieved to find another person that had it this miserable nightmare.I believe I described it as a sharp steak knife plunging down my throat repeatedly. It is the disease that has searing pain constantly underneath your throat for at least ten days and if you haven’t suffocated yourself yet by not being able to breathe, you have to take 3 different types of medicine to slowly get back on the road of recovery. The problem is, once you have the disease, any little cold, or any allergy that starts with a sore throat throws you into a tailspin of fear.

Like right about now….Is it allergies? I sure hope so. It is allergy season. I’ll give it the weekend. Do I go to the ENT? Does he really have to shove a tube up my nostril again to see the flap below my throat? Isn’t there any other way? Nope, there isn’t. People who have this horrible illness go through this every single time there is a mere tickle in their throat. We should start our own support group.

One reader had an interesting suggestion that I will pass on to you: because you CANNOT swallow he/she laid on their stomach and used a bucket to spit. I have to hand it to them, that is pure genius and would be a wonderful opening scene. Kudos.

Ok, fine there really isn’t a move about Eppiglottitis or book about …but there should be…..

Best wishes for a pain-free season.

Rediscovering Life, Self And The Magnificent Tracy Chapman.

Let It Rain (Tracy Chapman album)

Let It Rain (Tracy Chapman album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This year I’ve learned many things, mostly about myself. Because this is timely I thought I would share this first: I will wear white clothes after Labor Day if I want to and if I receive a look of disgust I will throw my head back and laugh. If you dislike it that is your problem not mine.

Instead of pressuring my children to come home for their college breaks (which has never been my style) I want them to do what THEY want and whatever they want to do is fine. I do have expectations, I want to see them on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It would be wonderful to see them on my birthday or any other time but they are in college and have exams, I totally understand. Any other time I see them is icing on the cake.

Speaking of…No matter how old I  get, I can’t stop looking forward to my birthday, I’ll be 57  in October and my age doesn’t bother me, nor do the gray hairs that live with my brown curly hair in harmony. Or the laugh lines around my sometimes mischievous green eyes, I’ve earned them, I don’t try to hide them and maybe one day I will learn how to use make-up, but no promises. Lipstick counts, right? That, I wear.

Today I saw a brown bunny skip across the street and the leaves on one tree were starting to turn to that first blush of orange. That is the beginning of the end of summer. It’s going to be a very, very cold winter, it’s always a longer and colder winter than anticipated. I keep my eye on the future hoping we can move someplace warm in the future.

Today I saw my deceased dad’s initials on a white van in front of the drugstore and I couldn’t speak, his initials are signs from him to me, have been for eleven years. This one was a message to pass on to my mom and I will, at the right time. I’ll know when that day comes. Thank you Daddy.

I am not ashamed at all of my Psychic or my Empath abilities, I don’t brag about them, I don’t keep them a secret. They are just a private, integral part of me and I feel blessed to have them. I was a child when I had my first encounter walking down the street in my old neighborhood and thinking about how it would feel if you could read someone’s mind. It lay dormant for years until I was ready. I was always super-sensitive but it worked to my disadvantage before I could use it to help others. Empath intuitives, we understand each other. If anyone has more information about Empath Intuitives or can point me in the right direction, I’d love to hear about it.

I’ve rediscovered the joy of Tracy Chapman’s incredibly beautiful, soulful voice.  Her voice is one of the most amazing voices I have heard and I am sad that I forgot her or did she leave us on purpose? In any case, I’m glad I found her again. Her voice, simple, complex, made of velvet and silk.  Tracy, you get the feeling, would be a lovely friend, kind, maybe shy at first. The richness of her voice like honey. Here’s to the sad ending of the summer, for me, and the joyous start of winter, for others.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Haiku Heights: Change

English: Fall leaves in Eugene, Oregon

English: Fall leaves in Eugene, Oregon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Burnt orange-red leaves

fade to brown threads of winter

acid dreams of hell.

*********************************************

Tunnel of darkness

small kids become teenagers

Years before the light.

Is that the light at the end of the tunnel?

Is that the light at the end of the tunnel? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Carry on Tuesday: Who has seen the wind? Neither I or you

Autumn Leaves

Autumn Leaves (Photo credit: oddsock)

I am only one of the dappled leaves moving in the air as we  quietly dance on pointe in a ballet or more likely swirling around like modern dancers with beautifully colored scarves. We live together in our community of family and friends: red and orange, green, yellow, brown, all leaves together intermingling in the air waving to each other all the time. Next time we are out in full, watch our tips, like little fingers, we are always trying to touch each other, tickle each other and make each other laugh, we love this game. In answer to your question, yes, we travel together as a family.

Against the velvet blue skies people look up and stare at us, we look back down at them and see wide eyes of all colors: brown, blue, black, like little buttons. Under stormy thunderous clouds,  people look down and scuff their feet on us and mutter angry words; those aren’t our best days either.

When it is Autumn we seem to be most popular with people in their cars actually following us as we dance and play and flirt and cache. Our colors burn us with brightness, it’s a lovely feeling really, we become alive, we explode in our own skins. We blaze the sky with our lush, vibrant colors. We are our own theater, as we swirl and pirouette in the sky. Some people talk of “the wind” that makes us dance but we don’t know what wind is. I ask my friends do they know what the word “wind” means? Have they seen the “wind?” I haven’t. They don’t know what it is either so we just laugh it off and dance some more. We don’t spend much time with word games or any games except the one where we try to tickle each other. We live a simple, sweet life. We do love the attention and to hear the gasping sounds you make on the ground as you marvel at our colors and our performances.

We are a family of leaves, we care about each others happiness, we guard each others safety, we protect one another. We hide in the winter, we need to regroup after our fall showing, the performances we put on for you, we put all our intense energy into that. We love to do this for you for a little while but then we need to rest. We fade, we’re tired, we start to dry up. We hate not looking our best, we are all vain, it’s quite true.

We see each other when the festivities are over, when we people collect us all together before winter comes. We are swept away in piles with hands or rakes or with loud machines. We love it when children jump in us, just to hear their laughter makes us happy. Soon, we need to settle down to sleep, in the quiet corners of the earth, where we cuddle up with one another and lie close together smelling the musky scent of the earth.

Before the snow blankets us with white lace, we put our arms around each other and rock gently. Yes, it will be our time together very soon but not yet. We need to sleep, we need to rest as everyone does at some time. We huddle closer and closer and remind ourselves that without this icy blast, this cold frost we would not know any difference in our worlds. We only appreciate warmth and the sun because we have felt the bitter cold blast and have seen total darkness.

Mellow Yellow Monday – Apple Strudel

There’s a little chill in the air now, summer is over. You can smell it in the air. When the summer

starts to end, you feel the crispness of apples in the air. Suddenly, you feel like a cup of hot cocoa in the late afternoons, or a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. Apple strudel/cake  or the German “Apfel Kuchen.” A lovely tradition in Europe, one I respect very much!

Apfelkuchen

Apfelkuchen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Fall, No, Autumn

Late summer

Late summer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Autumn just sounds so much lovelier than Fall, doesn’t it? Autumn is my first cup of Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte that I treated myself to today, it’s the addition of an extra cotton sweater tied around my waist, recycling an old handbag from the closet to get rid of that “summer bag.”Autumn is the name of a friend’s beautiful daughter, with her glossy, red hair and her bright, shiny, smile that I have seen in photographs. As much as I hate winter (and I do) when I think of Autumn, I can only smile.

I’m trying to stay in the moment instead of jumping seasons like I usually do. I may like Autumn but I don’t like what follows; Winter devastates me. Physically, everything hurts more, my joints and muscles cringe as if attacked, my body always feels cold no matter how many thick layers I have on, my low energy level plummets even lower. It is an accomplishment just to get out from the warm down comforter in the morning. I am going to have to take it day by day and not anticipate a problem. Maybe we will have another mild winter…

I’m looking forward to the changing leaves, dancing in the sun like a ballet performance, skipping back and forth on the stage. Hues of orange, gold, red, yellow, earth tones that make me want to slip in to nature like a groundhog. When my children were very young, they played in the leaves and covered themselves with the dancing leaves in a huge pile, my husband and I took photographs of them one year and used one as a Holiday card. I can still remember what it looked like.

Summer is slipping away, slowly into the night. We had a few extra days of sunshine and water when we vacationed together in Narragansett, Rhode Island, a beautiful place to visit. It ended the summer with wonderful memories of fresh blueberry scones and inexpensive lobster rolls and Brickley’s ginger ice-cream eaten ever so slowly so that it would last a long time.

I dread the winter and I am trying not to, I am trying to think of things that I can look forward to this winter but none come to mind. Perhaps I will pick up reading that I have completely dropped this summer, I have many dusty books on the shelves to read. I will make my fabulous pea soup that is heavenly and I will learn a few new recipes to add to my old classics. I will learn to bake a few more things too. I will volunteer somewhere or do something for others and give back to my community in some way and instead of dreading the upcoming winter storms I will feel grateful that I am alive to be going through them.

Plinky Prompt? Which two favorite far apart cities do you wish you could move close together?

Orange Tree

Orange Tree (Photo credit: amycgx)

  • Which two cities do you wish you could move right next to each other? See all answers
    • Favorite Far-Apart Cities
    • California Dreaming
      New Yorker Hotel building from below

      New Yorker Hotel building from below (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

      orange tree New York and California

    • I grew up in NY and still live here but have always wanted to live in California. Part of my heart will always live on the East Coast but part of me longs to live on the West Coast, on the water. I can’t take the winter weather in NY, but the fall and the spring are magnificent. Likewise, I’d like to be near the ocean or any body of water during the summer (or ALL the time if I could).  If I could live in both of these states, I’d be an incredibly healthy and happy woman. I’m too laid back to be a New Yorker and too impatient to be a California citizen, I need STRONG coffee (NY) but love the salad bars in CA. Bagels are a NY MUST, as are egg creams. But imagine, having a lemon or orange tree growing in your back yard in California……to me, that would be like living in a dream.
    • Previous Answer

Haiku Heights

Apple heart

Image by Mammaoca2008 via Flickr

ALONE:

The unspoken word

We are homeless in our town

An empty bird nest

****************************************************************************

FANTASY:

Dresden, blue and white

I dream of a country home

Beside a green lake

****************************************************************************

Autumn:

Soaked and cold and wet

A sniff of crisp, red apple

Seasons are changing

***************************************************************************

WEDDING:

Country music sounds

Radiate joy, a pink rose

Clap your hands with love

***************************************************************************

MEMORY:

My blonde, baby girl

Velvet, gold curls down her back

Sleeping with the moon

***************************************************************************