Playing “Punch Buggy” Alone Really Isn’t That Much Fun

Volkswagen Beetle (Photo credit: stephenhanafin)

On the way to Target by pure instinct alone, I call out “Punch Buggy” when I see a Volkswagon Beetle. I KNOW it’s stupid, I KNOW no one else is in the car but still, I do it. While I get a teeny tiny bit of pleasure, it isn’t as much fun as when my husband is there and we both call it and then childishly say “but we are not playing.” You have to like us if not love us, it’s the little things that matter; we’ve been married almost 24 years, so we must be doing something right. You have to reinvent yourselves with silly, childish games and you know what, it seems to work.

While at Target, I still go to the first two discount aisles where they have little kids things on sale for a dollar each. My children are eighteen years old and twenty. Come on, don’t I know that by now? I am certainly not buying beer magnets or obnoxious T-shits (okay, I did that once) but generally I have good judgment. However, according to my kids I am ridiculously old-fashioned and the fact that I dislike every type of alcohol known to humanity (except for the occasional mimosa when my in-laws are in town) is beyond uncool, it’s just plain wrong. Why am I still looking at the dollar aisle, do I think they need little presents for their “goodie bags?” My children are allowed to vote. Move on, mom.

I still go to the teen boy aisle where they have the obnoxious boy T-shirts that my son used to live for, when he was about ten. Why do I still go there? HE wouldn’t be could dead wearing something stupid now. He has even passed the entire T-shirt phase altogether. He wears button downed shirts, with his sleeves rolled up, maybe a plain, white T-shirt underneath. He likes to look nicer now. Where happened to my son? Who did he learn his new style from or for whom did he learn his new style?

My daughter has had her own sense of style since she was just about born. As soon as she was old enough to dress herself, she did. What I put out for her was replaced by whatever color/ stripe combination or completely purple outfit that she wanted. I never fought with her, except for one school picture and after that traumatic experience and glum expression I let her choose what she wanted to wear any and every day. I lovingly remember her wearing her sky blue, long, Cinderella dress to her nursery school graduation, with my parents and husband in attendance. She felt like a princess (always) and dressed accordingly. To this day, she gives me advice and when she asks me my opinion on something I feel honored. A friend of the family went over to our daughter, when she was 3 or 3 1/2 and said “You look so pretty in that dress” and our daughter’s response was “I know dat.” Meet our girl.

There were times when both kids were living at home and my husband was here all the time that I would long for a day of alone time, peace and harmony. Today was that day. My husband was visiting his parents and both kids are now in college. I could do whatever I wanted to do and you know what? For the first time, I missed my husband. I hate to admit it but I didn’t like eating my crummy slice of tasteless pizza by myself. It was a chore and it wasn’t relaxing. The entire day seemed lonely when before I craved the quiet like a crystal meth addict craves her drug. Times change, people change, be open to it, new things will always happen and surprise you. In time, you will always adjust. You have no other choice.

Finally, I Am So “IN” Repost

anxiety (Photo credit: FlickrJunkie)

For the first time in my life I’m in fashion and not following a trend that started four years ago. I am cutting edge; I am “IN ” because I get ANXIOUS.  I’m not talking about buying Uggs (I did buy those 4 years after they came out)  but I still wear them year after snowy year because they keep my feet toasty warm. Apparently, talking about anxiety is now fashionable and trendy. I’ve been popular for this newly accepted diagnosis all my life, I just never knew it. I could be President of this club, and CEO if not founder and major stock holder. The stock market is practically riding on my shoulders, okay the world.

There always seems to be a flavor of the month diagnosis, last year it seemed it was Bipolar and in the last few months, the newest and most focused on illness seemed to be Bipolar 2, (I can imagine a Bipolar 3 diagnosis soon). No disease is funny but when you start putting numbers after the diagnosis it feels like an  iPhone upgrade, with each upgrade things are a little bit different but you still need to buy new headphones or a different speaker.

My friend, Jenny the Bloggess always talks about her bouts with panic attacks and how, on the road, to plug her new book people have stopped to offer her Xanax. Last night while watching an HBO show called Newsroom a character had to go outside because of her anxiety and she didn’t have her Xanax with her. Look fellow anxiety sufferers, we’re even on television, HBO no less!

I’ve never been embarrassed or ashamed at the fact that I get anxious at times. I told my children about it when they were old enough to understand,  just as if I was a diabetic that had to take medicine. Some people are anxious, some are not. I would say my anxiety definitely started in my early childhood when I constantly had to be reassured, each night before bed, by my very nurturing father who would answer a list of questions that I had, same questions every night (I have OCD Worrying) I guess back then, in the old days, people didn’t send their kids to a doctor for an evaluation or to a psychiatrist, it was “just one of those things;” I was always “too sensitive or over-sensitive. I suffered with anxiety until I was in my early fifties when I finally got diagnosed and received medicine to help prevent anxiety attacks and medicine if I have an anxiety attack. I have what is commonly known as “Anticipatory Anxiety” and I’m one of many, many people who suffer with this.

There is NOTHING to be ashamed about worrying or being anxious. You worry because you care and you feel scared. You are fearful of bad things happening to you or to your loved ones or scared about planes, or elevators OR like one of my ex-friends, scared about everything, which is tragic. Unfortunately, she was even scared to go to the doctor and scared of taking medicine so her phobias piled up on her every year like a bloody car crash. There is so much help available if you are suffering, but you must consult a specialist.  My life turned for the better when I stopped worrying obsessively. So, we’re now out of the closet (not that I was ever in) we’re human, everyone deals with life in a different way. It can get better, trust me.

Keep your *Xanax or Valium or whatever you take with you but only use it as needed. Sometimes, the thought of having an anxiety med in my handbag is enough to deep breathe the scary thoughts away. Sometimes.

* I am in no way encouraging people to take medicine, without being under a physician’s care.*

*Obviously I am not a doctor and I am not dispensing advice, I’m an anxiety sufferer who wants to help others.

*I am not getting paid for this (I wish).

I Wish I Had Twizzlers Right Now

Image via Wikipedia

Random things about me:

I love deleting my SPAM folder. I don’t just like it, I look forward to it. Now its at zero, YES!!

When I eat a piece of dark chocolate I feel virtuous. Let’s face it, milk is my chocolate of choice, it’s sweet, it’s sensual but dark is healthy and I’m aiming to please. Health points, two for me.

Haven’t had red meat in three months. When hubby starts grilling those famous burgers of his outside, I know I won’t be able to resist. I can deal with that: moderation.

I am proud to say that I both Love and Like my son and my daughter and I’m Proud of them both. This is an amazing feeling. It gives my life purpose and meaning. They have turned into wonderful young adults, 17 and 19. Goal: Achieved.

It takes my ten-year old dog more time to jump on and off the bed. I have noticed a difference in the last year and it breaks my heart. You can never be ready but I am starting to prepare myself. Preparation: Grief. I need to do this. I love her THAT much.

Starting to explore the Internet for new recipes  to try. Good for me.

Bought a juicer, used it for a week. Hid it. Pain in the ass to clean. Need to find it (again) and man up. Love the juices, hate the cleaning. I need to get over myself. Fail.

Am reading a trash novel, it’s a nice break from all the morbid and depressing books I always read. It’s not even trashy as it is easy chick lit although rumor has it that the phrase is not politically correct anymore. Sorry, Jennifer Weiner, author.

When I wear the perfume Angel, I feel special and people compliment me on it all the time. I like that.

I dress so poorly, my daughter is a bit ashamed of me, she has a right to be. She’s taking me shopping soon, I’m more than a little afraid.

I have very bad feet. I can only wear one type of sneaker with orthotics. Other people with bad feet understand this. Fashionable girls (like my daughter) do not. That, I cannot change.

Deviled eggs, roast chicken, banana bread, pot roast, pea soup, chicken soup are things I cook/bake extremely well.

I once pooped in my pants when I had a stomach virus and couldn’t make it home on time. Mad sick.

Last night I woke up and my jaw was locked, it was terrifying. I must have been clenching my teeth so hard I could not open my mouth. Grabbed an Alleve and swallowed it, thankfully it helped.

I have a fear of germs and sickness, especially getting the dreadful Eppiglottitis again which just about killed me. Twice. Pain like searing swords in a red, hot throat. Childbirth was easy compared to it. Please don’t come back again. I carry Purell in my purse.

Sometimes I feel scared and anxious of things in advance, I try to talk myself out of it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I hate when it happens.

I still have stuffed animals and I am proud of it. There is no age limit on stuffed animal friends.

I tell myself that “life is short” so I should “enjoy each day” but then I forget. Working on it.

The TV Executives should never have taken off the show “Brothers and Sisters.” Don’t even think about taking off “Parenthood.”

I should listen to more music.

The Fabulous Fibro Spa and Resort

HibernationNow and Phylor’s Blog present: How a spa would be designed and managed by fibrologists:

Dear Guest:

Welcome to the Fabulous Fibromyalgia Spa and Resort! Whether you are staying in the main building or one of our cottages (the Pain Villa, the Fibro Fireplace, the Befuddled Bedroom, or the Nerve Damage Madness), you will find that we are equipped to handle any situation that may arise. While we don’t leave a chocolate on your pillow, you will find 2 Advils or Aleves and specially designed heating pads specifically for those tender 17 points. We know there are days when you don’t move around all that much, so rather than steps or long walkways, you will find escalators similar to those used a airports. Please hold on to the sides as we know that some of you may have balance issues.

You can check in at whatever pace feels comfortable to you. As memory problems can be an issue, you will be given several key cards (room number stickers available upon request) in case you should misplace one or lock yourself out of your rooms. At 4pm and again at 9 pm, our special welcome cocktail, the Fibro Fizz will be delivered to your room.

Each suite or cottage contains a memory foam king-sized bed, a large bathroom with tub and Jacuzzi. We have an array of unscented toiletry items available upon request at check in or with reservation. Beside your bed, you will find a white noise machine with peaceful sounds such as waves lapping the shore, rain-gentling falling, and other soothing sounds from nature. At your writing desk, you will find a supply of post-it notes in different colo(u)rs and patterns, pens, and stationary for making notes. There is high-speed wifi, HD cable, and a list of more than 200 movies on demand at no extra cost. You can search the movie database by genre, stars, director, screen writer. We are always open to suggestions for additions to our list that can be made available within 24 hours. Providing these in-room movies has been a big hit with our guests. If you don’t feel up to going to one of our many social areas, you can relax in the comfort of your own space and refresh your memory by re-watching classics, give your mind, rather than your body,  a workout with the action pictures (yes, some folks do move that fast), and since laughter is great medicine, our list of comedies is extensive.

For an additional $50 a night you can upgrade to one of our luxuriously padded rooms, conveniently located next to one of the dining areas. With walk-in bathtub, Epsom salts on demand, and doubly padded walls and floors, these rooms appeal to the fall and/or trip crowd.

Every hour is medication cocktail hour at the indoor and outdoor pools. Our staff will gladly prepare whatever combination of medicines, vitamins, and supplements suits your personal needs. Some of our more popular concoctions are the Savella Sling with just a hint of Tramadol,  the Lyrica Laser prepared with or without Xanax, the Gabapenten Gobbler, best served with a dash of morphine and the Oxycontin Overboard that contains over 7 medications, and 10 supplements.

Our dining facilities that include a formal dining room, casual café, and coffee bar are open 24/7 for your convenience. Our chefs have created a luscious array of soft foods for people with TMJ. You can choose from menu items, or request the kitchen make something special for you. Room service is also available 24/7. There is no need to get out of bed, the restaurant has a key and tipping will be added at the end

Our spa has all the latest in massage and relaxing techniques including hot stone therapy, therapeutic massage, breathing and relaxing exercises. We are always happy to deal with your bunions, your broken toes, your mangled feet. Included in your package are several free extras we call our Fibro Fix-up: a manicure and pedicure, hair cut, tricks to hide those dark circles from sleepless nights, and the opportunity to consult with one of our Fibro Fashionistas for the latest in lounging and sleeping wear. Our full Fibromassage offers gentle touching of those inflamed areas all over your body. We especially cater to the 17 point system of pain centers. Our staff has won over 25 first place ribbons at the Annual Feeling Fibro Massage and Comfort Olympics.

A recently added feature is our Fibro Fitness team. These well-trained and dedicated Fibro-Fit individuals wheel the exercise equipment to your room, carefully encase you into the fat-melting machine of your choice, and the machine does the rest. For those of you who don’t need to shed a pound or two, we have a special cheesecake and ice cream diet to ensure you get those needed extra calories. You can have these special meals delivered to the privacy of your own room, or you can join others on the thin side of healthy Fibro-Fattening Bistro.

One of our more popular features is the Xanax Room. Open 24/7, you can order the strength of Xanax you need to let those feelings of panic and anxiety just slip away. And the price is right: free Xanax! Adjacent to the Xanax Room, the Ambien Pre-bedRoom prepares you for a cozy, sleep-ful night. There are teas, comforting lavender and other scented oils and candles, and helpful staff members who will accompany you back to your room, and tuck you in for that nice, long sleep you have been looking forward to.

We have a fleet of electric scooters should you feel like a leisurely ride along one of our specially designed walkways that sweep themselves clean, so there is nothing along the route to jar your bones. We pride ourselves on our gardens, including the Zen garden should you feel the need to meditate outdoors, and a complete herbal garden for creating our special teas such as:

Morning Eye Opener, Afternoon Nap, Evening Relaxation, and Bedtime Comforter.

We have hotel hosts and hostesses posted every two feet so that when you lose your way because of Fibro fog and get lost, someone is always there to turn you around and point you in the right direction.

This is only a small sample of the information will find among the pages of your welcome kit. Please feel free to ask questions as many times as you need to while acquainting yourself with our facilities. Our aim is to give you as much pain-free, fibro fog-free time with us as possible. You are free to participate in any of our organized activities such as Bend and Stretch or Sitting in a Chair yoga classes, make use of our arts and craft room, or, simply lay back in the gentle hug of your bed, and let us do all the work for you.

Thank you for visiting the Fabulous Fibro Spa, we hope to see you again soon.

hibernationnow.wordpress.com and phylorsblog.wordpress.com

for Chronic Babes Blog Carnival