Seeking Paradise OR Grieving Does Not Have A Time Schedule

Vegetables in a grocery store, Paris, France.

Vegetables in a grocery store, Paris, France. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m lying in my bed, still in my pajamas, it’s almost three o’clock in the afternoon. My husband and I had planned to go out to dinner tonight but there is no way in hell I’m going. He thinks I will change my mind. He tries guilt “but I’ m going to be disappointed….” Apparently he doesn’t know me as well as he thinks he does. I do not like to go out when I  feel blue.  I will not step out of my house today unless there is a fire, even then, I would find a cozy corner for me and my red dog that seemed safe enough. I would protect her.

Sometimes I get delayed reactions to things, things that I THOUGHT I had handed well, or maybe this is just a blip in the radar. I used all the right buzz words, “when one door closes another opens” I was practically playing Mother Abbess role singing out loud to “Climb Every Mountain” from “The Sound of Music.” Not now. I’m stuck in mud, not the kind that you can joyfully wade through and play in but the one you feel where you feel trapped in cement and cannot move. Yes, it will change eventually, Patience is not one of my virtues.

This is too familiar we’ve gone through this before. My husband got laid off from his job, I know it’s not his fault, the state of the economy is horrific. His age, doesn’t help, I’m quite sure. He is probably competing with 22-year-old youngsters, bright and bushy-tailed. that will accept less money. It’s those of us who are in-between that suffer the most.

Call us “Baby Boomers,” call us “Empty Nesters” but pretty much, call us what we are: F—ed. We’re taking care of or worrying about our remaining living parents, we have children in college, and we have no idea what to do ourselves. Where should we live? Should we stay, move twice, do nothing? Stress! I live in a town whose school systems excel, one that my kids both graduated from. The taxes are high but the thought of moving twice makes my blood curdle at the thought. I like a town that is peaeful, not divisive, where we help each other, not fight.

The only good thing for my husband and me is that we ARE open to moving, anywhere. If my husband got a job offer in California we would definitely consider it.(Sorry, kids) But, what are the chances?  Right now not very high at all. Besides, no matter where we end up, our children will ALWAYS  have a home. That’s one thing they never, EVER, have to worry about.

The days now are dreary, cold and grey. Wind is chilly and goes right through my winter jacket. I despise going out when the sun sets around four pm, even the grocery store is dull with its flat vegetables and fruit. I miss plums and peaches, cherries and magnificently bright-colored fruit that made summer so cheery. The ripe taste, juice dribbling down your chin, laughing. I’m stuck, we’re stuck and there really is nothing we can do about it.

I know, I’m procrastinating on writing my book. True. That is one thing I SHOULD do. It’s one thing I COULD do and have in my control. That, and what I eat. Food you can also control. I don’t have an eating disorder but it feels good to be able to control something. Yes, things will change, I need to be patient but it is okay to be sad. Dwelling on it, that’s a whole other story, I don’t want to go there. Tonight, I dearly miss my children, I can’t wait to see them in a few weeks, even when they make fun of me, especially when they make fun of me. At least, I will laugh.

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Paula Deen, My Oh My !

paula deen cake

paula deen cake (Photo credit: bunchofpants)

I surprise myself sometimes. Or maybe I just confuse myself. WHY have I not written about Mrs. Deen yet? Did I forget about her?  Or have I just been consumed reading and watching all the media about her that I forgot to write my own article?. Forgive me. That seems to be the only reason that could explain my lack of posting about dear Paula.  Well, that is over so here we are with Mrs. Deen, I get the impression she would not love being called Ms. Deen. Right, y’all?

I have to admit I’ve had my eye on Paula Deen ever since we found out that she had Diabetes (I call it the Diabetes Deception) and was still serving up her fat ridden, butter ladled, sugar filled, cream covered, artery blocking meals. Oh wait, did I forget to mention that once she had been found out she just happened to become a spokesperson for a drug company associated with a Diabetes drug? Not gonna lie, I thought it was, excuse the pun, cheesy. I didn’t like it then and I still don’t like it now but who knew that was just the tip of the little ol iceberg, right Paula honey?

Now, I’m not saying you are guilty of allegedly saying incredibly racist/ homophobic (or was that your brother?) language , oh wait, YOU ARE GUILTY you admitted this on tape, under oath, I’m sorry. (I’m just waiting for anti-semitic comments to come in any moment) Should I alert the United Jewish Agency? I’m keeping my opinion out of this because, that’s what I think I should do. Oh hell, when have I ever done that before? I’m not Barbara Walters here, there’s journalism and then there’s me, Pop Cop. I dish. (pun intended.)

A lot has happened in less than a week, hasn’t it? Paula’s empire has gone down, way down. She apparently, allegedly, used despicable words and admitted to them, ON TAPE. What was she thinking, not about admitting to them but about using those words and don’t give me this crap about you being Southern and old-fashioned. Please. Nothing gives you the right to degrade anyone.. Really, Paula get a grip. Oh, wait, too late.

So, a bunch of your sponsors have dropped you. Food Network, Target, Home Depot, your new book deal and your pharmaceutical firm, and plenty more. Last I heard there were 12 sponsors all together who dropped you like a double butter and sour cream hot potato. All I have to say is: Good. And yes, a bunch of your fans have supported you and that’s good for you because what else do you have? Now, I heard that the diabetes company has thrown you out on your bottom and does not want you to be their spokesperson anymore. Ouch. Even I feel bad for you and that does say something.

Paula, I watched your show a few times, just watching your show I felt the pounds adhering to my thighs and butt. Sure, fried anything is great for a treat once a year, and I love cake but other than my birthday I don’t go around making cream filled, butter based, artery clogging delicacies all the time and I am known for my sweet tooth. Sure, a little here and there is fine, everyone knows about moderation.Well, most of us do. But, if I was diagnosed with Diabetes, would I still flaunt these high fat, high sugary, high cholesterol foods? Of course not, that’s not only lying it’s deception.

Take a break, Paula. A long one. You better decide it is what you want because at this point people have already decided for you. Think about your ways, Paula Deen and how you treat people. Treat ALL people with respect, maybe then you will have a fighting chance. But, for now, I doubt it.