Food. GASP!


When I have NO food cravings I know there must be something wrong with me. I live for food, I think about food, write about food and I talk about food. I also fantasize about food and now I watch food porn on The Cooking Channel, The Food Network and more. My favorite shows include Master Chef when Chef Ramsay is nice and Hell’s Kitchen where I practically hide under my bed with all his screaming.

I also love, LOVE Junior Master Chef and the new (but not improved) Supermarket Sweep (Supermarket Games?)

My fantasy is to eat food, write about food and eat Phish food (Thank you, Ben & Jerry’s) maybe one day get paid for eating food. Yeah, right.

 

 

 

 

I inherited my love for food from my dad who loved food dearly. I remember one winter when I was a teenager my mom sent him out shopping for bread and milk. He came back two hours later with blackberries, he forgot the bread and milk. He couldn’t resist, he just had to have them and he knew we would all love them.  I can still hear my mother yelling about how much money it cost him. He didn’t care. I don’t care either.

 

 

 

The only difference between my father and I was that I can eat only eat small portions during the day and my appetite revs up at around 9:30 pm. My father never felt full. Ever.  He could keep eating and eating…. There’s a word for it called appestat, he had no appestat or barometer to ever feel full, he was constantly hungry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have the anti-appestat for the last four days. Thus, I have no appetite. What is wrong with me? No food cravings, no food fantasies, no planning of what I want to eat for dinner tonight (even though it’s only 9:00am.) This is not me. I’m not even planning what I want to eat tomorrow night or the day after. Mind you, I do not even pretend to be a good cook.

 

 

 

The lack of appetite must be leftover (no pun intended) from the horrific migraine I had on Thursday night (see: Thursday, While I Was In The Emergency Room) because I am still forcing myself to eat.

 

 

 

I bet my friends would even prefer if I was eating pizza with grape jelly (or banana slices!! as I just saw photographed.)

 

 

 

 

 

Also, and this seems tragic, I can’t even play the food fantasy game. One of my all-time favorites:

 

 

 

You are seated in an expensive restaurant with a person of your choice. The restaurant is known for it’s superb dining skills, everything from scrambled eggs to the highest quality beef wellington and exquisite sea food. What do you order” Three meals minimum:

 

 

 

Usually my answer would be something like this: Warm, Just Baked Bread with Butter, Room Temperature, I hate cold butter, (Shrimp Cocktail, Deviled Eggs, Beef Wellington/ Filet Mignon with sauteed Mushrooms and Brussell Sprouts AND the berry pie that explodes in your mouth with a slice of chocolate layer cake that has raspberry jam in between the layers. An Americanized version of a Sachertorte. Home made whipped cream or as we know it, Schlaag,(no Reddi-Whip) is essential on the side.

 

 

 

I play this game often and with ease and sometimes just with myself but today, the closest thing I can come up with is a graham cracker. That is pretty pathetic. I know, now you are jumping up and down in your seats screaming “NO D ???”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I would have to shake my head, lower my eyes and sadly say “No, I don’t even want dessert.” This is the strongest indicator that something is wrong wiith me that I can come up with. I am so sorry. I have no doubt that my appetite will come back any day now with relish (eew not that kind)

 

 

 

 

 

 

and I will be sure to write about the very first meal I get ridiculously excited about. I don’t want to let you down. I think I have, forgive me. Maybe if you give me your fantasy meals I’ll get some inspiration?

PS  And, Judith, dear, Judith ice cream for all three is cheating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Plinky Prompt: Describe The Perfect Meal

  • Describe the perfect meal.
  • A Foodie Begs
  • Welcome To My Food Fantasy (Any Famous Chef Want To Make It Come True?)
  • Beef Wellington You are talking to a foodie here so I take this question very SERIOUSLY. I’m not just going to say “chicken dumpling soup” or “steak and a potato.” Oh No, details count and while I can’t cook very well, I can eat and enjoy food in a restaurant with the greatest of pleasure……Let us begin.I would start with an appetizer of shrimp cocktail and lobster meat (fresh not canned) with cocktail sauce and of course a lemon wedge or two. Here’s the thing, I would eat practically anything BECAUSE of the cocktail sauce. As my brother-in-law, Ron would say, the shrimp/lobster is just THE VEHICLE, well said, Ron. There would be a basket of rolls (an assortment) on the table “Timmy approved” which means they would be warm. DO NOT SERVE US COLD ROLLS AND COLD BUTTER, EVER. After that, a light salad, with a sprinkle of goat cheese, currants and avocado. The greens would be watercress, endive and Boston Lettuce. The dressing, a citrus vinagrette with balsamic vinegar.The main course: Mmmmm… It would be hard to choose between filet mignon or Beef Wellington (which is an OLD classic but this is MY fantasy) served with a crunchy baked potato (baked in the oven and NOT in the microwave, and yes, I do eat the skin, with huge dollops of butter, sour cream and chives) and glazed carrots. (A refill on the bread basket? That would be lovely, thank you.)To the disappointment of my family I do not like any type of alcohol so I would have a Shirley Temple, extra cherries, please. Ok, I’m sorry.Dessert: I’M SO EXCITED!! That said, there is no way I could pick one dessert so because this is my fantasy I would have the dessert sampler platter which happens to include: a piece of a raspberry/currant exploding tart (I had this in Vienna with my dad, once!) the berries explode in your mouth with a sugar crumble pie top, a fudge brownie with walnuts (served with home-made vanilla bean ice cream), a piece of NY Cheesecake with Strawberry Sauce and one real strawberry and Creme Brulee.Since we are lingering at this fantasy meal, after this I would like a cheese platter consisting of St. André, (no blue cheese) Gouda, Edam and is Münster too common? (Oh, who cares, I love it.)On my way out, I would like to be handed a small box (just two pieces) of chocolate, to be exact, two champagne truffles.Wow, I’m full, but it has been delightful fantasizing. Thanks for dining with me. If anyone would like to make this dream come true, feel free to email me. My RSVP will be a definite “Yes.”

Food Fantasy

I want to eat fattening foods like chocolate cake and tons of frosting with a large glass of milk, egg rolls that are crisp and greasy and amazing. Thick vanilla milkshakes that I can barely sip through a straw. I want pupu platters served to me with a little bit of everything fried. Prawns and cocktail sauce, sweet and sour meatballs, pigs in blankets; it’s beginning to sound like I want my Bat Mitzvah at the age of 53… I also want potato pancakes crisp and brown, with applesauce that has a lot of added sugar in it.  I want surf and turf, a dish of melted butter for the lobster, Béarnaise sauce for the steak, Hollandaise sauce for the asparagus and I will add my own additional salt, thank you. And, I want the thick, steak cut French Fries that I saw yesterday when I was eating my meager salad, drinking ice water with lemon.  I want to sit down for a 6 course meal at a restaurant where I don’t have to get up and out of my chair every 5 minutes to get someone something they want from the refrigerator.  A napkin, soft drink, pasta, tomato sauce, knife, fork, jelly (ok,that’s for me) ketchup, steak sauce, spritzy red salad dressing and food for the dog with gravy from the turkey we roasted two days ago.

I want to not even have heard of the words calorie, carbs, obesity, camps for overweight kids (in the NY Times Magazine section) and plus sizes. And, I want that new company Pajama Jeans to buck up and make these for people larger than a size 0-2 or 10-12, same thing.  I don’t want to join a gym or power walk or use a treadmill, stair master, rowing machine, and do free weights. I want to obliterate the word weight and the doctors in this country that are so obsessed with it. Give me a very large internist and sign me up for my physical. Not the skinny cold bitch internist that I have now whose “if- I- can- go- the- gym -at -5am- and- have -Dr. hours -and- be- a- single- parent- than- you- can -do- it -too.” Shut up you condescending bitch, I hate you, with your petite figure and dyed hair and expensive ensembles and the bedside manner of a tray of over-frozen ice cubes with freezer burn.

I want to stop denying myself all the GOOD food and screw you Weight Watchers you know you can’t eat everything on your meal plan. You want vanilla, coconut cake? Sure, have a crumb of coconut, that’s all you are entitled to, that will be 537 points, but it’s okay, you can have it. Enjoy. Enjoy, my ass.

I also don’t want to worry about every little thing that comes into my brain, every which way.  I want to go to the Asian Fusion restaurant in my neighborhood for lunch with my friend that will last 3 hours and share jasmine tea that costs a small fortune. After that, I want dessert,  lots of different types of desserts that I can savor for as long as I want.  Strong, Starbucks coffee with a lot of steamed milk and Sweet N Low. This is my fantasy and that’s how I want it.

I will not walk off my meals nor will I exercise.  I will go home and take a 3 hour nap and then wake up and the two feet of snow that has come down in the last day will be over and I will not see it again until I want to. Which might be never because I am sick and tired of cold weather that makes my bones ache and my mind feel claustrophobic. I will burrow under a down blanket, worn with age, and two more blankets on top of it and not come up until Spring.