Fear, My Greatest Nemesis

Scared child

Scared child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I felt the tears well up in my eyes before I typed one word. I’m not shocked, I know myself, most of the time. I was given the gift of an unexpected compliment and I broke out into a wide grin.  I wear my heart not only on my sleeve but like a red neon sign on a black night in Broadway, flashing, off and on, non-stop.

Fear is my biggest nemesis. Fear has held me back from so MANY things too many to list. But, I know It has shaped my life. I lied for fear, I changed plans, directions, walked away because of fear, stayed home because of fear. I only hid fear for my children, my gift to them.I didn’t want them to have the same life I had. I’m proud to say they are fearless. An Academy Award please. Thank you. Now, it’s time for me to work on me but it is a little more complex.

Those of us who are called “Empath Intuitives” are sensitive, very sensitive people. Sensitive to others’ emotions but also sensitive in the world we live in. It can be more of a burden than a blessing. You need to grow into it, I’ve learned. As noted earlier, a word of kindness from a stranger means so much to someone like me, it happens so rarely, but when it does you feel it all the more.

My soul sniffs out secrets that I don’t want to know but I feel them like chips of ice starting at the base of my neck and roller-skating slowly down the middle of my spine. They cannot be undone. It will be very hurtful but it will be truthful. I feel much more pain than pleasure in this sad world. Does everybody? Or does it become level at a certain age? I’d say over 50-55 your view on luck starts to change in a downward spiral or maybe the rough patches are more consistent, last so much longer and connect.

I feel someone’s pain before they know it themselves, I can’t read their minds but I can sense what is on them, what they are feeling. I’ve had this quality since I was a child. In many ways, when I was young it only served to hurt me. My family always told me that everything was my fault because “I was too sensitive.” It took many years to figure out that I wasn’t too sensitive but they were not sensitive enough. We just didn’t see things from the same lens.

I believe the answer to fear is to do what you are fearful of. What other way is there? Stare it in the face, you are the boss, not fear. I’m totally guessing here. You control it, don’t let it control you and whatever you do, don’t stop. Face fear and do it and do it until you are not fearful. Is that the only way to go? I’m assuming. Feel free to live other suggestions.

Fear, change, sensitivity, joy, kindness: we are who we are.

Be kind to one another. Take a minute to try to understand not judge.

Celebrate that.

 

 

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Yellow Magic Madness #40

Yellow, my favorite color. This was my best friend Sarah’s gift to me for my birthday.sarah present

Yellow Magic Madness # 35

Cestrum-species

Cestrum-species (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The weather, this week,has been like an extra Anniversary gift to us. There are still yellow flowers and it’s OCTOBER! I do not take one day of sunshine and warm weather for granted, I say Thank You every day that shields me from the cold. I also take a photograph for my Facebook Page every single day to show my appreciation. Thank you, sunshine, warm weather and yellow flowers still in bloom.

Yellow Magic Madness # 33: Late Afternoon Sun

English: The rear of the Shires A view looking...

English: The rear of the Shires A view looking east across the ASDA carpark, towards the geometric shapes of the rear elevation of the Shires shopping centre catching the late afternoon sunlight. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Bridleway in the Late Afternoon Sunlight.

English: Bridleway in the Late Afternoon Sunlight. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Late afternoon sunlight. Late September’s gift. I love this light,  my favorite time of day. The warmth of the day is a gift, the reflection of the sun as it shines on this surprising warm day. Warmth before the cold. Appreciate every minute you can, at night the temperatures drop quickly, we know what’s ahead. Count your blessings.

Photography credit to Photographers

lf copyright

Haiku Heights: Health

Annoying symptoms

A red, heart-shaped leaf in Scotts Valley CA i...

A red, heart-shaped leaf in Scotts Valley CA in November. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

pest, try to wave it away

women, heart attack?

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Carolyn Thomas: Healthy Heart: Women  YOU MUST READ THIS: Heart Sisters, myheartsisters.com with the wonderfully intelligent and exceptionally kind, Carolyn Thomas. I have talked to her myself. Please check out her Facebook page to save yourself, a loved one or a friend.

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Muscles ache, stiffen

I want to run like the wind

I can barely move.

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Fibromyalgia

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Nothing else matters

No dress, no sparkly diamond

Good health IS your gift.

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On Valentine's Day

Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day or Not?

Mini-rose

I remember answering this prompt last year and I wrote about the true love that my husband and I know we had for each other. We didn’t need gifts or mushy cards or expensive dinners (I still agree with the expensive dinners-I hate that restaurants jack up the prices like on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day too) and I was pretty blase about the “holiday.” We would always say “Happy Engagement Anniversary” because we did get engaged (in Hawaii) on Valentine’s Day 25 (wow, really??!!) years ago.

For a few years we did nothing, no cards, no presents, just an agreement not to buy each other anything. When my husband got me the same card, two years in a row, we took a break from cards too; we didn’t need them and it didn’t matter. Or so I thought.

To be truthful, I think we stopped caring a little and that’s not good. It was too comfortable, too much like an old friendship that we stopped noticing each other as the love of our lives and not the parents of our children.

We went through a lot these past few years. Two years of unemployment, our house fell apart (literally) we were forced to move to a hotel room for three and a half months with our high school senior daughter and our nine-year old dog. To add to this my husband broke his Achilles Tendon in the city while running to catch a train to come home the day before we moved to the hotel. It was also the day that we were supposed to drive our son to college. I ended up driving our son to college alone. At first a little nervous, I was proud and thrilled that I did it and did it well! Other people were so sweet to offer, but I WANTED to go and while it wasn’t easy, it was okay. Life isn’t always easy, we know.

Now, we are back in our house and my husband has a job where he has to commute to different places for work so we have no real schedule together. This year, I wanted him to be my special Valentine, all over again, and I wanted to be his Valentine. We stepped it up a notch. We did exchange gifts and cards and kisses and hugs. We remembered what it felt like to have a partner for life and not just a friend or a companion.He is the love of my life.

Sometimes life gets too easy or too hard; you have to work on marriage as you do everything else; sometimes we get complacent. Happy Valentine’s Day to my one and only, true love. I love you honey. More.

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The Best Holiday Gift – EVER

Our Kids Are Simply AMAZING

This year, when the family agreed NOT to exchange presents because of last year’s horrific mess financially…our two amazing teenagers totally surprised us. We didn’t have a clue that they were even thinking about giving us a present but on Christmas Eve at 11:48pm, our nineteen year old son started dragging a huge present from the outdoor shed, inside. Our seventeen year old daughter watched and stood next to him as he nervously spoke:

“I’m really nervous about this present, we wanted to get you something that was house related so that the two of you would have something new….we hope you like it…”. We were stunned at the mere size of the gift not even knowing the contents. IT was an outside fire pit for when the nights were chilly, my kids know that I love fire in the fireplaces on cold, snowy nights…this was just the MOST AMAZING, CREATIVE GIFT we have ever gotten. How incredible are our kids? The fact that they even wanted to give us a gift, something to give us happiness in our finally repaired house, is the most thoughtful gift I/we have ever received. Personally, I love everything about a fireplace, watching flames and now this…..To our wonderful kids, the best human beings I know, THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts. WE LOVE IT and as always, WE LOVE YOU MORE. Love, Mom and Dad

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My Gift Wish List

Santa Claus with a little girl

Image via Wikipedia

HO, HO, HO?

Dear Santa,

I’ve been asking for this special gift, this present, for over a year now. Since it’s almost Christmas (and Hanukkah) please, could you read my letter again? I was silly to think that you would grant my wish before the holidays but ’tis the season now…fa la la la la, la la la la. I am not asking for a present for just me, I am asking for one present for the whole family. I am asking for a job for my husband that pays real money. Our family would really appreciate it. Please Santa, its been a long time. I’ve been a very good girl and will, once again, leave out cookies and milk for you and carrots for Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer. Thanks a lot! Hugs and kisses and love, from ME

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