What if I just kept Driving? (Writing Raw Prompt)

THEBIG429 Cadillac photo group Cadillacs in th...

THEBIG429 Cadillac photo group Cadillacs in the rough photo group (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What if I just kept driving and didn’t stop at the supermarket like always. What if I went past the county line and the library and the big grocery store in the next town and I didn’t look back. What if the old Cadillac was filled up with gas and I was the only person in it with no plans and a full tank and a pack of peppermint gum. I had cigarettes in my handbag, some money in my wallet, and I just followed the signs to whatever seemed like a fun sounding town.

I had no idea where I was heading. Lord knows I had NO sense of direction but no one was going to make fun of me here or tease me about it, it didn’t matter at all. I couldn’t get lost because I didn’t know where I was heading in the first place. My husband and the two kids criticized my driving and my lack of a sense of direction ALL the time, they got so nasty about it I just refused to keep driving with them. Why bother when all they would do was laugh at me? I didn’t need that, not all the time, anyways.

Maybe they would feel a little lost on there own when I wasn’t home fixing up their meals and arranging their music lessons and get togethers with their friends not to mention the PTA library fair and keeping house and grocery shopping and preparing three, sometimes four meals a day.  Let’s see who they criticize now.

I knew where I was heading, to the only place I loved, to the place where  a girl could relax and feel overpowered at the same time. I bet you know where, if you know me at all. Right. The ocean, why I have loved the ocean since I could walk and toddle on the sand. When my mama and papa would hold each one of my hands in theirs and swing me over the waves until I learned to do it myself. I would sit on the rocks and stare at the almighty ocean with it’s bursting fire of waves and splashes of that foamy soap on top. I loved to watch how far the tide would come up to meet the sand, I walked for hours picking up seashells, even the broken ones were pretty, to me.

It took me seven hours to get there because I really didn’t know my way and I am sure I got turned around more than a few times but I got there alright. On my own without asking anybody anything. I wonder what George and the kids would feel when they read the note that I left under the orange juice glass on the table. It didn’t say much, just that I was leaving for awhile, and they should take care of each other. I signed it, Love, Mom because I would miss my two boys but in my heart I really wasn’t sure how much I would miss George. I had been with George for over 22 years and yes, part of me still loved him as the father of my children, that would never change but part of me wanted more than he was capable for giving and I knew that. It was a choice I had to make. Do I settle for the known or do I throw everything away and start fresh? That was the reason for this trip, it would take some time to sort through it all, I knew that.

I Will Pay For This (But I Don’t Care)

A poster with twelve species of flowers or clu...

Image via Wikipedia

This afternoon was a day that gave birds reason to fly and sing. The budding trees are smiling with green flowers, the sky is light blue with puffy cotton-candy clouds. I wanted to do something that I haven’t done for so long because the pain I have from Fibromyalgia stops me. Today I wouldn’t let it; I refused. I went to the tiny patch of garden we have in the front lawn and replanted a pot full of old flowers into the ground. Granted, I couldn’t kneel because I knew I would never be able to get up but I improvised. I admit digging the dirt with just a little hand shovel was too hard but I gave it my best try. After that I hauled my eighteen year old son out, who cursed the entire time, to dig deeper for me. He doesn’t get gardening, doesn’t understand the point of it but he doesn’t have to; he just needs to help me when I ask. I also bought a little plant  at the grocery store today that looks like a round puffy white ball with red and white edges. I planted this little sweet flower by myself.  I pointed out a worm to my son, forgetting he’s 18 and not 7, and that amused me but not him.

After that I went into our shed and got out bird food for the cardinals. I have wanted to do that, literally, for years. Today, with the weather encouraging me, I did it. I felt bad in the winter when I couldn’t go in the backyard for fear of slipping in a foot of snow and ice but I knew the birds would forgive me. There are black sunflower seeds now in the lopsided bird feeder and some on the grass and the table because I don’t mind feeding squirrels either.

Doing these things made me feel alive even if now I am so stiff and achy I can barely move.  My back already hurts on my right side and my trusty old heating pad is in its proper place. I know I wasn’t standing or  bending the right way; but it doesn’t matter. This was good for my spirit: earth, grass, flowers, birds, sun and the wild wind bouncing off the houses and trees and through my shiny brown hair. Today, I felt normal, human,  real and I felt happy.

I had forgotten how much I like to put my hands in the earth, smell the musky scent, feel the softness of the dirt intertwined with harsh roots. The earth didn’t mind that my fingers were swollen and even my joint pain got swallowed up in the beauty of the sun-kissed daffodils. I will not complain tomorrow even if I am twisted into a painful pretzel. Today, I needed to do this, I needed to feel like I was part of the world. I wanted to feed the chirpy bright red cardinals that wake me up in the morning and even the fuzzy, fat squirrels that my dog wishes she could play with.  I wanted to replant something that was old and try putting something new and dainty in the ground. I brought out my empty plastic jug of pomegranate lemonade, filled it with fresh water and tended to my two plants. My knees are stiff and I had trouble walking down the stairs to get to the kitchen tonight holding on to the banister with every ounce of strength that I had left. Today, I learned, that maybe more pain is worth it if it means feeding your own soul.

Rx: Ginger Snaps

ginger snaps

Image by sweetbeetandgreenbean via Flickr

I have self- prescribed a new medication that treats many of my annoying illnesses, my arthritic hands, my painful legs and general muscle and joint pain. You can find this medication at some drug stores and every grocery store. You don’t need a triplicate, you don’t need a physician’s signature and no one will think you are crazy if you fill this prescription; they will not look at you crossly if you double the amount. You don’t need to plead with your Doctor or Specialist and you don’t have to see their withering looks when they deny you the medication.

My new drug of choice, are ginger snaps. At first, I bought them on a whim. Then, seeing the improvement in my mood, I bought them again and I think they help more than the other six or seven medications that I am on for Fibromyaligia, or Hashitmoto’s Thyroiditis. Nothing else seems to work so I may as well get enjoyment out of this prescription.

I don’t have to eat ginger snaps on a full stomach or two hours before eating: there are no instructions. I eat them when I want. More importantly, I don’t resent this drug for not working as much as I do all the others. They are not covered under my insurance plan but that is alright, they are reasonably priced and always available. They are my treat after long days trying to adjust to a new, busier schedule. My husband is working full-time now while I am still feeling my same old, tired, achy self.  I have tried the generic brand instead of the name brand and I am completely satisfied with either choice.

The first bite, those of you with (TMJ) might think about putting the cookies in the microwave, for a while before digesting.  Nuke to taste. Or, just suck on them for longer joy and satisfaction. You can also dunk them in a lovely cup of Earl Grey tea, milk or coffee. There is no real overdose danger except your pants might feel a bit snug if you eat the entire box in one night but that side effect has never been reported (and who would report it??)

It stands to reason that this particular drug, unlike Oreos, Milanos, Twinkies, or Chocolate Teddy Grahams, is a guilt-free treat. My point is, I feel like they are entirely medicinal. My stomach feels soothed, my mouth has something to crunch on that is not  boring old celery and I get many different taste sensations in one bite. The first bite fills you with a very hard crunch, be wary of any loose teeth you may have. The “ginger-esque”  burn comes at the end: during and after your last swallow. The only problem I see with this medicinal treat is that they are highly addictive so make sure you have a box or two extra, hiding in your pantry or medicine cabinet.

I pretend/know they are healthy and I don’t even look at the calories, fat grams or carbohydrates. Here is my theory:  if they are not sweet, they are definitely good for you. If anyone else has down the same medical research on this drug or any other, I’d love to hear about it.