How are you? I’m fine, really. I just want to clarify something. Sometimes I vent my feelings on this blog and people worry but please realize when I vent its my way of getting a release.Of course I have pain sometimes but I live with that and work through it. I don’t suffer 24/7. I promise. Trust me, if I did, you would hear me scream at your houses.
You can always ask me any question. My way of getting RID of negative feelings or pain is working through them and writing about them, I don’t want anyone to be concerned. If you feel worried, ask me any question.
Also, remember I’m a bit sneaky. Many times I weave fiction and non fiction together, so you may not know who is writing what. As I say in my blurb: “There’s a little fiction in non-fiction and a little non-fiction in fiction, you decide.”
So, today I’m not depressed, physically I feel fine. I don’t hurt everywhere, my kidneys are hanging in there and my anxiety level is low. I saw the sunshine for a brief amount of time, for me that is always good! The cold seemed less cold in my kind of new green jacket that was handed down from my sister to me. I love it! It’s a beautiful shade of green/purple that shimmers, hard to describe, I know.
I’m not happy or sad, not melancholy or enthusiastic. I’m just plain blah. (I am amusing myself, as my children know I do, very often, by the witty title of this blog) and it is making me laugh.)
I wonder if my mood is the same for me every year and I turn to my husband and ask. “Pretty
much” he says because he knows that this is a rough time of year for me. Why do I forget this every single year? Do I just block it?
My dad died on New Year’s Eve so these holidays hold pain, genuine heartbreak, alon
g with joy. My children are not children anymore, they are grown-ups with lives of their own, they sleep and eat at our house during college breaks, but they don’t need us like they did when they were young. I miss (and don’t miss) the very young years, the affection, how they loved us and needed us and how we were their world.
I am also incredibly PROUD of the independent young woman and man they have become. Truly, I am beyond proud of my two kids, “we do good kids” my husband and I say to each other a couple of times a year. We do a lot of wrong things and have MANY faults but our children are good people, people the world will be happy to have.
We are not young anymore or really old. We’re not grandmas or grandpa’s yet (sometime, I hope) nor are we the current generation. We are the almost but not retiring boomers. We can’t retire, we don’t have enough money. We need to take care of our living parent (s) and are still responsible for our not yet independent adult children.
I don’t feel anything really strongly, certainly nothing dramatic.This is not a bad thing at all. It’s like a vacation from the drama that goes on in my life. I think I will try to make this last as long as possible. Blah: The New Vacation, A Cheap And Safe Alternative To Flying. You Don’t Have To Leave Your Home, Or Better Yet, Your Armchair.
Rejoice, Blah is the new Awesome.
Who could ask for more
For all the people dreading tomorrow night, I’m here. I’m dreading it too. There are hundreds of reasons to dread it and I’m not even going to bother mentioning them, because you know why? They don’t matter. You feel what you feel and no one can deny your feelings. You have every right to acknowledge how you feel, just please try not to cover them up and drink irresponsibly.
I admit, I wish I did drink, one cocktail or one glass of wine. I hate the taste of alcohol, always did, even in college when friends were trying to get me to drink watery, warm beer and I just couldn’t do it. The taste was awful. I didn’t “practice” drinking so I got used to it and I didn’t let my friends change my mind. They would go up to the bar and order two pitchers of beer and one glass of Coke.
To this day I will have a sip of someone’s drink to see if I like it but I haven’t been successful. The closest I have come is Amaretto mixed with milk or orange juice or a sour mix, sometimes I can drink a half of one of those drinks. Generally, if I take a sip or two of my husband’s wine I say “I feel it already” and I do. My adult children make fun of me but again, drinking to them is like chips and dips to our generation. Believe me, I’m not condoning it. Trust me.
Whether you go to bed at ten tomorrow night, ( I’ve done that plenty of times, ) or you and your best friend, your dog, your spouse, your life partner, relative, facebook buddy stay up till after midnight, I wish you all a Happy 2014. I don’t plan a thing on New Year’s Eve except a good dinner at a very early seating in a nice restaurant, with my husband and two grown-up children, this year with my mom because she had no plans.
I’ll be honest, at 10:20pm I will know exactly when to look at the clock, and I will remember all too clearly that twelve years ago my beloved father passed away in a hospital, with no one there by his side. I talked to the surgeon, I asked him if I could come and I remember his gentle voice saying “No sweetie, don’t come it will be too late.” I was able to talk to the ICU nurse who promised to give my dad a message and I gave my Dad permission to leave us, telling him we would take care of each other.
I mentioned a special word that he and I used together. He passed away within minutes.
So, whatever your sorrow is, whatever your personal story is, I understand. I truly do. You can write them down here or to me privately if you feel like talking about it. Just remember you are not alone, there are people who love you and staying up until midnight is not such a big deal. Tomorrow will come, as it always does.
Happy 2014 to all my readers, to my friends. I wish you peace, health, happiness. I wish you joy.
Another year ends
I turn inside to reflect
Lessons to be used.
like a soft, warm, purple, shawl
Leaning on me, now.
Traditions now gone
With silver, I start anew
Confidence is rich.
Attuned to your soul
Squinting from the glaring light
Always be truthful.
Young bodies in light
Whispering their secret dreams
Pale, white bodies touch.
I wish you joy and love from friends and family and your devoted pets. I hope you feel peaceful within and have the knowledge that you can change the way you react to things that are out of your control. While we may not be able to change our circumstances, we do have the ability to change how we feel and how we react. That indeed, is one of the greatest gifts and lessons I have learned.
Whether you celebrate Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanza or any other holiday, I wish you peace and happiness. Surround yourselves with your loved ones, your blessings. Hug one another, smile, rejoice in memories, celebrate the lives of those loved ones you have lost; be grateful for the time you had with them. Look towards the future, not the past and stay in the present as much as you can. Stay in the present and appreciate what you do have, all your gifts and blessings. Who knows what next year will bring? Cherish your loved ones, with all their imperfections because love has no boundaries. Family is no longer just one definition but endless possibilities, celebrate them all, because all of them are filled with love and hope.
I hope the New Year brings everyone a better year, a happier and more resourceful year, since I’m afraid that the year 2011 for many people was one filled with struggle, intensity and hardship. If you didn’t experience this, be thankful for your good luck. Hold hands, hug one another, be as pleasant as you possibly can no matter what the circumstances. If each of us made the tiniest bit of effort, the world might very well be a better place. Practice patience and most importantly, gratitude.
I wish you joy, I wish you happiness, I wish you good health and I wish you peace.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Laurie from Hibernationnow
I woke up this morning watching the snow lightly fall on the branches of the trees outside my window. I was immediately delighted and relieved. It felt like the fresh snow was covering all the mishaps, medical illnesses, and hard times of 2009. At least, that is what I hope it means. I choose to interpret the crystal snow powder as some kind of healing balm, for the human spirit and the soul.
I have no regrets that 2009 is over. None. It was a year filled with illness, sadness, disappointment, unemployment and marital disputes and too much fighting among family members. I say good-bye to 2009 with no regrets but with hope for the future. I have taken chances this year, some for the very first time and I hope they will be worth it. But, nonetheless, the act of taking them is, for me, is a significant accomplishment in itself.
Last night I lit the Kaddish candle, a candle of remembrance on the anniversary of my father’s death. He died on New Year’s Eve 8 years ago, a day before my parents wedding anniversary. This time of year for me and for my family has always been fraught with sadness and emotional upheavals. Instead of lighting the candle this morning when I awakened, I lit it at 12:10 am, last night, in order for the flame to burn brightly during the early morning and through today, but extinguish quickly after the New Year has been rung in.
This is my fervent prayer, that 2010 and the snow that is bringing it in, will heal your pain and bring, if not better relationships, different relationships. If not love, than like. If not better health, a calming spirit. There are some things we have no control over and for those things I wish for patience, and understanding, better coping skills and peace.
Here is a wish for you, my friends and family: I wish you happiness and good health, I hope any gaping wounds you feel inside will be less raw and heal soon. I hope that if you know your dreams, they will come true. And, if you don’t know what your dreams are you will not look at that with anguish but as a time of taking chances and new opportunities.
I wish for all of you, love, peace and the feeling that you are loved and cared about. I hope you feel that you belong, with someone, or something or some religion and community. Kindness and taking care of others is a universal religion, one that I am proud to be a part of. Please join me.
Happy 2010 for all my family and for the friends that I have and those that I have not yet met.