Hot house tomato
dripping red juice, down white chin
Nature’s plump candy.
English: Veggie burger eating competition, Slovakia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
July 2, 2012
Sometimes You Just Have To Eat
Today, I felt hot and sticky because of the high temperature and humidity and all I wanted to eat were lush strawberries and sweet, orange cantaloupe. When I opted for a veggie burger for dinner I felt absolutely virtuous. Later on, at night, when it was cooler I was so hungry that my hands were trembling just looking at the assortment of items I had assembled to have on it: half of an avocado, two thinly sliced tomatoes, Swiss cheese on the *multi-grain soft, thin bread.
I didn’t plan for was the freshly grilled smell of my husband and son’s barbecued cheeseburgers sitting inches away from my veggie burger. I’m not a vegetarian but I don’t eat red meat that often…but I did then. I had a third of my husband’s burger, I admit it was heavenly.
I ate a healthy piece of dark chocolate. I didn’t stop there. I went straight to snack mode which is always cereal: shredded wheat and brain mixed with “Honey Smacks” as they are now called. I did add fresh raspberries which was a delightful mixture of taste sensations, the red, juicy, tart raspberry along with the sweet “Honey Smacks” and milk. Yum.
After that, pretzels adorned with cream cheese. Mea Culpa. Was I done? Not by a long shot. I wasn’t feeling guilty though, hungry. I KNEW what I was doing and I was choosing to do it. No regrets.
I gleefully opened the freezer door to find some much-needed ice cream (and not frozen yogurt.) I ate a small bowl of cookie dough ice cream with whipped cream. I enjoyed every bite.
I kept going. It’s was so nice and quiet in the house at midnight, my husband, daughter and dog sleeping, my son out with his friends. It had been such a long time since I had a little time all to myself and I desperately needed that. I just didn’t need the refrigerator to be attached to the event….but it was.
After eating the ice cream in my bedroom, I went downstairs to the kitchen to be orderly and place my ice cream dish in the sink and I was assaulted by four chocolate hazelnut cookies, (this is a big fat lie, it was just an excuse to go to the kitchen again)and eat a piece of milk chocolate, and two marshmallow cookies with a thin layer of raspberry jam. Once upstairs I noticed chocolate hazelnut cream on my breast. How did THAT happen?
I KNOW I didn’t have enough to eat during the day and I was paying for it now. But, you know what? I didn’t care. I was happy to indulge for once. I knew that I would NOT do this again and I would watch very CAREFULLY what I ate the next day and I did.
Dedicated to all the people who have SAD
When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is look to the upper left of our bedroom where we have a big, unadorned window. There, in an instant, I can automatically see what the weather is and it makes a HUGE difference to me. If it is dark gray (with or without a howling wind, cold or not cold), I just want to stay in bed and not crawl out from under the deliciously warm and soft, flowered blankets. If I have to go out I will force myself but it will be with much grumbling and I don’t feel happy. When the sky is bright and a robin’s blue and sunny, I automatically smile. I prefer warm weather but even if it is cold out and the sun is winking at me I can bundle up and go out. I can handle that better than dark, depressing skies. My mood is definitely influenced by the weather and I could NEVER live in a climate where it is dark, gray, cool and drizzling most months out of the year. I would be miserable and admire people who can do that and live happily. I would not be able to; kudos to those of you who can.
FICTION
It was the middle of winter and gusts of wind came through the house as if there was no insulation. There was nothing she could do to feel warm, she had already added two sweaters and heavy socks. She slowly realized that it wasn’t the amount of clothing that she had on that counted, she felt lost and empty inside, cold to the touch. It wasn’t always like this, she knew, but it had been for quite a few years. She let her mind drift to far away places, sand, sun, tropical islands.
There are choices you make in life, one for the family and one for yourself. She wouldn’t get divorced even if it meant sacrificing her own satisfaction, she would not, repeat not, sell her children’s happiness for her own. She knew a lot of divorced couples but this was not an option for her. They didn’t hate each other, they liked each other in a very friendly way. People talk about not having choices but there are always choices. She chose to keep her family in tact, to accept less fulfillment of other factors, you know, sex, passion, adventure, excitement. Yes, she chose her family, and she would do it again and again NOT to put them through the pain for some what, some fantasy of being 30 again? No. Things were what they were and she accepted that and yes, she was grateful for them. No one said she couldn’t fantasize, fantasies were allowed, no one knew what her mind was thinking or her heart was wishing. She kept things private and she knew that might be old-fashioned but she didn’t care. She was a mother, her kids came first. She had made her decision a long time ago.
* * * * * * *
Image by apdk via Flickr
Hello Sun, Good-bye Snow and Wind
I HATE being cold. I don’t like either extreme but if I had to choose I would rather be hot, glistening under the summer sun, sipping pink lemonade than freeze, slipping madly during an ice or snow storm. No matter how many old, supposedly, warm jackets I have I am still cold in the winter. I have wrapped myself up in scarves, layers of soft cotton, mittens and a hat….nothing helps. As some of you know the old, brown down jacket will be coming out, once again, from the closet to torture me for another winter. I don’t think there is a jacket or coat that can make me feel truly warm. If there was one, I would invest in it. Short of covering my face with a thick, soft multi-colored scarf, I’m never happy. If I burrow my face in my neck and turn the collar of my jacket up…..my feet freeze. I have bought the warmest socks and liners, fuzzy ugly boots and still……I’m never warm. If my feet finally get comfortable, my hands and fingers are like long icicles.There is ALWAYS part of me that freezes in the winter, and it’s a very long winter.
If it was up to me I would move to a warmer climate in a minute. Given that our children will both be in college soon it’s something to think about for the future if we are ever able to retire. That, could be a very long time in coming.
Hibernationnow's Blog 