Most mothers will straight out lie to you. Or just won’t talk. Fathers pretty much just stay out of these things, at least here they do.We’re just folks living a simple life. I tend to the house while my husband tends to the farm.
I’m going to talk to you straight about my daughter, Kylie. She’s 18 and for the life of me I don’t know where she comes from. I don’t get the child. We love her the same as her brother but we don’t get her, never did. She’s been different since she was born, whopping and hollering just as soon as she came out. She looked angry at the world. Her brother, born in silence, I was scared he wasn’t breathing, but he was, just smiling. Our girl, screamed every darn day for a couple of years. She wouldn’t take naps any more, and by the afternoon she was cranky as all heck and nothing would calm that child. I tried it all. When her daddy came home I would stand at the door with my arms outstretched and her in them and I would hand her over and I would leave to go to Walmart to clear my head and get the groceries done, alone.
When she was older, she was real shy and I was her everything. It was a miracle. She would hide behind my legs and cling to me. If there was someone she didn’t like she would lift her arms up and whisper into my neck, soft like a kitten, “up, up.” I was her world, she only wanted me. Nobody else. She had those big blue eyes and hair the color of love, sunshine and honey, long and straight, she looked like a princess. I was the love of her life, like bees to flowers, that’s how much she loved me. Never been happier in my whole life.
Now she’s 18 and he is 20 and this is what no one tells you. “Motherhood now, is a thankless job.” Plenty of people will disagree and say “no, it isn’t” but for us, these teenage years are hell. I know it’s kind of boring here on the farm but that’s not our fault. We’ve all grown up in Indiana. That’s not a reason to disrespect us. They think they know everything better because they are going to college but they have fresh mouths. It’s no fun being a parent any longer. But did anyone ever tell you that? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Nobody ever told me, that’s for sure. It would have been nice to know. Maybe I could have prepared myself.
My daughter treats me like the dirt that’s in our backyard. She steps on me and only is happy when I do something for her. That’s just not right. When she is in a bad mood her blue eyes get cold and icy and they stare through me like I was a ghost. She has attitude too and a fresh mouth. Oh, we’ve talked to her about it plenty of times, but she just can’t look inside herself. I swear, her feelings are so deep down it would take one of those big trucks to dig through her or maybe one of them rich, fancy doctors in the big city. I’m the opposite. I cry like a baby, I can’t keep stuff inside me. My daughter can make me cry something fierce with her coldness and her being so mean, she doesn’t even seem to care. If I had acted that way with Mawmaw, she would have slapped me across my cheek until I learned better and I would have learned.
I’m telling you the truth here. They may love and adore you when they are little but that’s not a guarantee for the future. Not even close. Love them while you can. Cause you are not gonna have them forever. And the love you held so precious in your arms will be just, a memory, one that fades fast with time. Some people say “maybe she’ll come back to you when she’s older.” “Well”, I say, “Maybe but we’ll see, I’m not counting on it, that hurts too much”. But, I’ll be here, anyway, she’ll know how to find me.