Carry on Tuesday: The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again

Love Love Love

Love Love Love (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

Dear Rachel,

I know this letter will come as a surprise but I needed to explain things to you. I’m writing it because you are my best friend and I trust you. I’m sorry I never told you before but I think you knew. I can see you, sitting in your oak office, reading this with your long red hair, nodding up and down, chewing on your nails like you have done since we were ten.

You were right, I DID have a secret but I couldn’t share it with you or anyone else. I have cheated on Don for the past 5 years with a man named Mark. We love each other so much. Unfortunately, we are both married to other people. As much as I love him, I hate myself for what I am doing. We’ve probably broken up the same amount of times we’ve been together; it’s a horrible situation. If I even came close enough to smell the musky after shave he wears, I weaken.  He has a way of making me feel so incredible with just his burning brown eyes on mine. Every organ inside me would start melting, like those gooey, grilled cheese sandwiches we used to make on top of a simmering stove. I have to be honest. I hate the person I’ve become but I’ve loved him in a way I didn’t even know existed and I can’t give that up even though I have tried.

It’s hard to describe the way he makes me feel: Priceless? Special? Extraordinary? Those words don’t even come close. Don has never made me feel that way, no man has and I’m not talking in just a sexual way either. My soul felt  connected to Mark as well as my body. He stroked my skin, like I was a calico kitten, for hours, just doing that and whispering how lovely I was in a low, soft whisper like the sound of the running creek right outside my window. Steady, rippling, constant. I wouldn’t move for hours. I felt so loved by him and his words; it is what I lived for as infrequent as it was.

He has a wife and two daughters back home and when he even eludes to them I would become terribly angry. He never lied to me about them, he told me he did not want to leave his children, but of course, I thought I could change his mind. He and his wife have no relationship at all. I thought the love we had together MUST be stronger than the love he had for his family. Every time he left I told him not to come back, but he would call……and it would start again. I tried so hard to break up with him, I truly did but we would always find our way back to each other. I couldn’t live my life without him and I hated my life and what I was doing with him.

I have nothing against Don, he is a sweet man. But, we live as companions, we eat together, we travel together, that’s it. It’s a comfortable life and I accept it and I was okay with that until Mark entered my life; I never looked for Mark, we met on an airplane.

I hate that I am lying and deceiving Don but I continue to do so, I cannot stop. I don’t know if Mark will leave his family, he says he “wants to” but that it is “difficult and complicated.” I love Mark and I always will.  I am getting more out of control, these past few weeks. That’s why I haven’t returned your calls. I can’t think, I hate myself, I hate both my lives.  When the pain of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again, you have to ask yourself, at what cost?

By the time you read this letter, I will be dead. It’s been planned for weeks. I plan to swallow a lot of pills and drink a lot of alcohol and then drive my car late at night and speed as fast as I can down the hill into the ocean and pray I drown. At least I know I won’t be hurting any more people since it’s our property.

I can’t live in both worlds any longer; I don’t deserve to live in one.

Love, Kate

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Dear Maria Shriver (Political Pop Cop)

Modified version of Image:Arnold Schwarznegger...

Image via Wikipedia

What the hell are you thinking? Don’t Even Think About Taking Him Back. Promise me you will at least talk to your gal pal Oprah before you make any decisions. I don’t think Oprah would stand any of this hanky-dirty-panky crap and I don’t blame her. Listen, you gave your marriage a really good try, you beat all odds, but please, don’t humiliate yourself and take him back because the papers are reporting that he is buying you NICE presents. Ugh. You have your own money, buy yourself whatever your little heart desires.

I understand you have children, I really do. However, what will your children think of you accepting your cheating husband back? What will it say about you as an independent woman? I’m sorry, I’m just not like the “Stand By Your Man” kind of gal. Look at poor, lovely, deceased Elizabeth Edwards? I want to growl…..at her ex-husband and hopefully Arnold too.

I do know that divorce is very hard for you and I can sympathize however, don’t lower your standards, please. Do you think you can ever trust Arnold again? Isn’t marriage based on trust? Call me old-fashioned but I’ve been married twenty-three years and if I found out my husband had fathered another child long ago, his “really nice presents” would not sway me for a second. Personally, I’d toss them out of the window. With extreme pleasure!

Stand your ground, all of us women are behind you. Well, most of us are. Remember, that you are a strong, talented and very smart woman. A woman we can all look up to, just please don’t take him back. If you need presents, buy them yourself or ask a good friend like Oprah to buy them for you. Trust me, I know that she would.

Sincerely,

Strong Women In The World

Who We Really Are

Can you really separate the person from their actions? Should we judge a person by what they do and not who they are? Do actions define who we are?  Can you not delineate the different sides of one person. For example: (not Tiger Woods….YET)  What about Michael Jackson?  People were trying to  categorize him in one of two ways, a brilliant performer or a perverted weirdo. What was he? In my opinion, he was both.  He was an amazingly skilled artist, an incredible dancer, singer, song-writer and he made a huge contribution to the  music world as a performer and to the world of Pop.  On the other hand, we was accused several times of pedophilia, dangled his baby outside of a window for fun, lived with a chimp, had boys sleep over and share his bed and lived in Neverland. Who was he? He was both.

Bill Clinton, in my opinion, was an absolutely wonderful President and leader. He was unbelievably smart, (still is) a fabulous presence, a great contributor to our nation and a wonderful negotiator. On the other hand, he was also charming to a fault sic Monica Lewinsky, lied during office, and raised philandering to practically an art form. I have run into President Clinton a few times and just a look or a smile or  a one word greeting, personally, made me melt. The guy has the most charisma of any person I have ever met. Face it. He does. When my son made me drive around the supermarket parking lot so he could say Hi to the President, the President was as gracious to my son, kind and personable, and treated my son with warmth and sincerity as if he had been at his birth and every birthday party thereafter. Bill Clinton makes every one he talks to feel special. It works.

And of course, Tiger Woods. An amazing athlete, a role-model,  a “family guy” the world thought he had it all. He did, and more. Now all people are talking about are his torrid love/sex affairs with a plethora of women. His image has been shattered as the guy everyone looked up to came speeding down, down, and down. But, should it have been? Is it his fault, or is it ours?s

Maybe our standards are too high. Maybe we shouldn’t blend athletes, political officials, and “the rich and famous” with their personal lives. Maybe we should? I,like everyone else, question these things every day. And, are the “celebrities” entitled to their home life or does public knowledge come with the territory of their fame?

I know one thing,  people are not one sided.  We all have multiple sides to us, we are not one dimensional. The public thrives on the failings of their “heroes.”  But why? None of us is just one thing. No one is just made up of one emotion, one habit, one skill; It’s an ongoing struggle.  The truth of the matter is that we are all flawed, all imperfect and all of us have sides of us that we don’t think are particularly attractive.  We all have our good points and our bad.  Do I judge Susan Boyle on her voice? Of course. She is an incredibly gifted woman with the voice of an angel.  Do I care that she comes across as a bit unstable? Not at all. But, she doesn’t have to pick one over the other. She may be both and a whole lot more.

I think it’s okay to question, it’s ok to struggle with answers but not necessarily okay to judge. What we all have in common, us mortal human beings is that every one of us is not just one thing. We are many things, good, evil, smart and stupid. I think I am a good mom but I am lousy with bowling (ok, with all sports) does that make me less of a mother? No, it makes me a good mother with no athletic abilities whatsoever.  So, who are we to judge?  We have all made mistakes, we have all floundered and questioned and contradicted ourselves. We are loving and good and king and we are also critical, judgmental and sometimes, evil. What it comes down to really, is that all we really are is human.