Paging *All Doctors: Check Your EGO At The Door

Dear Doctors,

Before you enter a patient’s  exam room, where they have probably been waiting at least twenty minutes, stop, pause, and check your ego at the door. This should be standard procedure; but unfortunately it isn’t. There should be a confirmation box needing  a signature for “Check Ego?, next to the automatic Purell dispenser, to assure quality control.  *While the title is catchy I do know I cannot accuse all doctors of doing this but the ones I DO know (and you know who you are) are definitely in need of lessons in humility, humanity and sensitivity training. The bad part about it? Certain doctors just do not care. Full disclosure.

Two days ago I had an experience with my pompous, grandiose, full of himself, doctor who shall remain nameless.   Many of you have heard about this person before. He is an excellent doctor, scratch that, he is an excellent DIAGNOSTICIAN.  He charges exorbitant prices and he does NOT take insurance (insurance, what is that? what is it for?  Me take insurance? Ha Ha! ) but he is very smart, I’ll give him that. Is that really enough? Do we have to pick expertise in lieu of great beside manner, can’t there be a combination? That said, he is so out of touch with the “real world” that it is insulting, aggravating and utterly demeaning. Unfortunately for me the deck is stacked; I need him, he does not need me; and he knows it.

I had been to a local doctor (one who takes  insurance) and the doctor I saw asked me to have Ego- Dr.  fax her some information.  A reasonable request, I thought.  I thought wrong. When I e-mailed him, he flipped out and as an old friend used to say ” had a serious nutty.” I’m talking a crazy outburst in print.  I’m serious, he was FURIOUS. “He should fax her?? ABSOLUTELY NOT.  “If she wants to call him he would try to talk to her but he will not answer specific questions.” The questions she asked, were so innocuous, I have no idea why he made such a fuss. Perhaps he realized that he was dabbling too extensively in my case, acting as Head Dr. of Everything.  He also mentioned that “if I chose to see a doctor in MY INSURANCE PLAN, so be it. His implication was clear, without saying it, he made it known that he felt “You get what you pay for.”

Unfortunately, I need to see this doctor a few times a year for my auto-immune disease/thyroid illness.  I am considering looking for a second opinion and more importantly, some sensitivity. This man is well-known in his field,  however, he is not well-known for his “bedside manner.”  When these magazines come out with their rankings of” BEST DOCTORS” who is filling them out? Other doctors?  Which leads me to think that it might be a little biased.  Maybe they should ask patients and ex-patients their opinion to get a clearer view.  A great idea: ex-patients, that would be ideal “why did you leave the practice of Dr. So and So?. Please explain. Now that is a survey I would read with relish.

Apparently the phrase “First do no harm” was meant merely in a physical way. Some doctors should think about their actions and take responsibility for them. A person is not just a symptom, we are multi-faceted people who deserve YOUR respect as well. A doctor who treated the whole person? That to me, would certainly deserve the title of BEST.

Barely Treading Water With A Hint Of A Smile

May 30, 20010

I think I may just have to live an old life, actually a much older life at a slower pace, a gingerly walk and question mark for every day. I may need to stop all the medications I take for my auto immune disease, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis,  and inflammatory disease and  just live with even less energy, more aches and pains and even more inflammation. It wouldn’t really matter, I don’t think, because with all the medicines I take now, I still feel those things. I feel those things every day along with nasty side effects from the prescribed medicines.  I am not drowning in the ocean, nor am I swimming powerfully, I am mostly trying to manage to keep my head above water. I am not depressed or suicidal, I am not happy or ecstatic, I am just living in a state of symptom to symptom, energy for an hour, napping, reading, napping and tired.

I don’t notice much improvement, if any, from the medications to begin with. Can I go from bad to worse? Possibly. Can I learn to adjust to that? Maybe. The lack of energy is probably the worst part, I can live with aches and pains and holding on to staircases to get up the stairs. But,  when a beautiful day presents itself to me as a present, like today,  I cannot live, not knowing what or if I can do anything at all. It’s not fair to me but mostly it is not fair to my husband and I feel bad about that.

It’s Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, the sun is shining, the sky is a pastel blue, the bountiful green oak tree leaves are swaying softly. Birds are serenading us with their sweet high-pitched songs.  My husband and I had no plans for the entire day and he was up to doing anything. Go to the city? Go to a park? How about a museum? He was willing to do whatever I wanted to do and having my now familiar stomach ache (side effect of the medication) and being tired, I chose a nap. There was no back and forth discussion of which place to go or what would be more fun because of me. The bar is set so low that staying home sometimes is my only option.

I don’ t know what to do, other than go on one more expensive tour of doctors again. I will do it, I will try, for the last time. After that, I don’t know. I don’t say that with depression or despair, it’s an option I need to consider. I live a sedentary life now, truly, if I have two hours during the day that I feel energized it’s a good day. Lately I haven’t even felt that. I’ve been stuck at home, happy just to be alive.

Do I think it’s fair? Not really but I don’t think it’s unfair either. People live with far worse things. I find it frustrating and disappointing that I have lived life like this for the last three years. I awaken, each morning, with a question mark, to see if I feel better, but it hasn’t happened yet and I don’t see it happening anytime soon.  Is it is better to deal with a new reality and no side effects than be stuck with the old one?  I have no idea. What am I going to do? I honestly don’t know. I need help, more doctors, different doctors. no doctors?  I am feeling a little overwhelmed and I think what I need the most right now is a positive attitude and plenty of of good luck.

Dedicated to my wonderful husband, Danny.