Orange Is The New Black, Netflix

Orange Is The New Black

Orange Is The New Black (Photo credits: Giphy)

Dan-Dee-Lion

I will never, ever say the word dandelion in the same way again. Ever. In fact, even if I pronounced dandelion normally, I’m afraid I won’t picture the wispy flowering weed, the one children blow on to make a wish come true. No, that has been replaced by a character on a show called Orange Is The New Black, it’s the nickname for one of the show’s main character, said by an amazing actress that has “crazy eyes.”

When it comes to seeing movies or watching television shows the closest I have ever come to “scary” is Gray’s Anatomy. It’s really not that scary because we all know everything works out at the end. I will see depressing movies because afterwards I will feel relief that my life is so much better than what I saw but anything with a hint of mystery, suspense, thriller, scares me off like a shy pussy cat.

For some strange, unknown reason I have become totally obsessed with the Neflix series “Orange Is The New Black.” I had never heard of it until I watched The Golden Globes and I think it won an award for something. Why I decided to check this out, I have no idea but I watched the first episode, scary as hell (for me) and I’ve been watching ever since.

I’m still watching Season 1, episode 12 where a dead rat, I rate rodents in any form, ( inside my head I am chanting, this is fake, this is fake, this is fake ) but still, the fast moving element of shock, which is NOT good for someone with a startle reflex is, not one I enjoy. Ever.  I scream aloud. That said, this series is all about scary surprises, and revolting images and it goes at a very quick pace. If you are planning to watch the show don’t read the next line because I’m going to describe three scenes where I almost barfed but you may want to see the drama. 1) A very mean guy, prominent in the show urinates into this huge tub of gravy, 2) a woman with crazy eyes pees on the floor of a woman she is infatuated with AND her meticulous roommate  3) someone is handed a blood soaked tampon as a sandwich. Had enough? You would think I would have too yet I kept watching.

Trust me, no one is more surprised than me. There is romance, mystery, gay and hetero love/sex/ relationships, betrayal and it changes every minute. I think that’s why I love/hate this series, It keeps you guessing and it pushes me WAY out of my comfort zone. Basically, over the edge of my comfort zone on a high cliff and tumbling into a black abyss.

I keep on jumping and shrieking again and again.  I’m actually proud of myself for doing this,  sticking this out, both pain and pleasure. It may not be bungee jumping but for me, it’s a step.  Having said that maybe I will be open to Weeds or another edgy series. I’ve started with one, I may never go back to plain, vanilla, sweet and comforting, television, you never know. Right now, it would feel like a vacation.

Photo credit, Giphy

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Dear Miley: Grow Up Already (Pop Cop)

I’ll keep it short, don’t worry. It will be as short as the item of clothing you call shorts that you wear which really are two tiny pieces of material stapled or scotch taped together so you look like the trash princess you appear to be. My newborn daughter wore more clothes than that. Nobody wants to spend time writing about you or reading about you, I’ll give you a few sentences. You are not worth more than that at this time. We don’t care who or what you are nipping or licking or playing with, be it boys, men or teddy bears. We’re sick of you, overindulged pop stars with a sense of entitlement and no sense of responsibility to yourself or your younger fans. If you want to smoke grass at some public event, we don’t even care about that. Shame you didn’t do it in the US because then I would have loved to see the police politely handcuff you and sit you down on your rather naked butt and drive you quickly to the police station. Now, THAT would have been a SHOW!

Smoking a joint on a national television show, that shows real class. I’m sure your parents are very proud of you. (In case you don’t understand, both were sarcastic remarks.) Why don’t you give everyone a break and hide out someplace safe and quiet and away from drugs and alcohol and find something to do with your life except embarrass yourself? Trust me it would be better than what you are doing now. In fact, I guarantee it. By the way, the song below? Aptly named to describe your life.  Enough said. If you end up like all the overdosed, dead pop stars, that’s your choice. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Pop Cop: Lindsey Lohan (Get A Grip)

This mugshot is found from http://www.perezhil...

Image via Wikipedia

I read today that the quintessential Lindsey Lohan is headed back to rehab for violating the terms of her probation. Really. If it were up to me I would  boot her skinny white ass to jail where, I think, she belongs. Forgive me for being crass but let’s take the rich, glamorous, Hollywood glitz and celebrity status out of this situation and then do the math.  Replace Lindsey Lohan’s name with an UNKNOWN drug addict from ANYWHERE:  Hawaii, Nevada, Florida, New York, a tiny crack house in Los Angeles ( you pick) and then hand down your verdict. Remove the expensive lawyers, the media frenzy and the public’s fascination for Hollywood and where does that leave you? Probably in jail, with the rest of the people who don’t have a ton of money for rich, top-notch lawyers. If this case involved an unknown, “regular” person would they too receive the “get out of jail free” card? Not in my opinion. I don’t think they would get the same number of chances when they relapsed either.

How many “do-overs” would we get for the same exact crime?  Many people have drug and alcohol addictions and I am sure its an extremely difficult thing to go through but, in my personal opinion, it was made easier for Ms. Lohan.

I’m sick of a justice system that allows a young addict like Lindsey Lohan to go back to a rehab program instead of sharing a cell in the county jail (oh right, I forgot, she had her own private cell when she was in jail.)  Where is her orange jumpsuit now? What privileges have been taken away from her? They even removed the SCRAM bracelet that detects drugs and alcohol from her fragile, famed, skinny, ankle.

What’s next for Lindsey Lohan after rehab? Perhaps a movie career, a modeling job or a talk show host for the daytime diva.  I seem to be missing the part where she is supposed to say “I am totally responsible for my actions.” I don’t know what will happen to Ms. Lohan after her stint in rehab; I have no idea, nor do I truly care. In all likelihood she will be able to work on her clothing line in rehab and will reap the financial rewards when she gets discharged.

Will Lindsey Lohan go the route of Anna Nicole Smith? It’s a possibility, I’m sure. It’s in her best interest to finally get herself clean, I’m just not sure if she can stay clean and sober. For her sake, I hope she does. She has brought this upon herself, partying to all hours of the night with her friends; touting liquor like it was her favorite lipstick. Get clean Lindsey, you’ve been given yet another chance. Don’t mess it up.