Tis The Season For Eppiglottitis To Be A Bitch, Again

22 | Co-amoxiclav

Oh Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, please let this be a false alarm. My throat IS sore, not tragically sore as in I swallowed a steak knife the last time I WAS hospitalized with Eppiglottitis so I do have a chance,  but just seeing the increase on my old blog “Calling Eppiglottitis  A Bitch Is A Vast Understatement” rise in numbers,  my chances of getting it again are on the rise too. No really. I feel the first signs and I am not happy.

Poor people, write to me right away and tell me if you too have the stabber-sicker -than- death -disease now. Or is it just panic setting in for all of us. This is the first time in a year that I have felt poorly and while I have lost my voice I feel the need to have someone stand nearby with some calming chemical that might or might not be legal near me…..just in case. Last time at one appointment my lovely internist promised me morphine if this should happen to me again. “Drugs,” she promised, “Heavy, duty drugs.” I trust her but I haven’t even gone to see her yet. I feel like I’m playing roulette here. It’s the only time when I feel like a “playa.” Uh-Huh.

Besides, trying to get through to the big medical practice where I go on a Monday morning in the winter is I N S A N E. It really is, you could die and get buried and have a service before they pick up the phone…and I’m not saying they are lazy at all. They are just really, really busy and everyone is trying to call to make that same day appointment, press 2.  As for me, I tried, I really tried and held on for as long as I could manage and then I just hung up. It wasn’t worth it anymore and I was so tired that I gave up and took a really long nap even though there were workers on the roof making essentially painful noises like jack hammering but it was better than being on hold and having some fake secretary voice tell me to “be patient, someone will be answering your call soon.”  That never happened.

I’m holding on for another day, I’m sipping huge quantities of Progresso chicken and dumpling soup and drinking cranberry-pomegranate juice with semi-crushed ice cubes from a blue and white straw and hoping against hope that all this misery will go away in a day or two and it won’t get worse. That for once I can be a “normal” patient and tomorrow I will be all better. It would be nice if the kink in my neck will work itself out and that all my symptoms will go away with no need for a Z-pack or any other kind of antibiotics or cough medicine/ medication. Yeah right.

Tis the season for colds and the flu. Tis the season I always want to move, someplace warm. I mean it. Really, I do.

*****

Next day:

Laryngitis, coughing all night, sore throat still, I made the call, this time it only took me 30 minute to get through. Going in at 4pm. Will post later.

Went to the Dr. and while I saw a Z pack in my future, she saw an Rx for Augmentin in mine. Augmentin. For Bronchitis.

Blech

It’s going to be a really long ten days.

Because Jenny The Bloggess Would So Understand

A self-portrait of the Bloggess, also known as...

After hoarsely calling downstairs in my sunshine yellow house with white shutters and no one responding

I resort to messaging: “I am jumping off our copper covered roof

with a hamster between my teeth.’

That’s what it takes to get attention around here but the only response I got from MY Victor who is Danny is “very funny”

as I lay in bed sick with laryngitis and a wheezing cough

sounding like a Mickey Mouse version of Lauren Bacall who was a sexy beast.

English: Roborovski hamster

I have become invisible apparently too.

I message my family on their smart phones,

still no response so I resort to silliness like the wriggling hamster tail clenched

between my bloody lips.

That should do it, I think.

No, not really.

Doesn’t anyone have a sense of humor except for me?

I bet Jenny the Bloggess would understand; she is my heroine or heroin, either way. Or both.

This is for her, because she makes me laugh and brightens my day more than my sunshine yellow house and because I am a

true nerd who pre-ordered her book from Amazon and it is not even due out until April. Jenny, I live in NY so I’m here if you need me,

but more importantly, we need YOU. Your honesty and strength makes us all better people. Yes, Jenny, You Did That.

Dedicated to Jenny Lawson