Me, First.

Lioness (Photo credit: Crouchy69)

I need to give myself more time to trust people, I need to stop following just my emotions and balance myself instead of falling in love with people.  I AM a Libra after all. People need to prove themselves to me, slowly, before I trust them. No more eyes lighting up with a friendly smile, no more picking out a person and internally saying “I want HER to be my friend.” Nope, not gonna happen anymore.

I’m too old for this.  Stranger people are often more attracted to me, people with stories upon stories because I do like to help and I am a good listener.I am also the most gullible person alive because I believe in truth and have learned the hard way, several times, that many people are manipulative and NOT honest, not even a bit.  People sniff out that I am a good and loyal friend because I always get sucked in. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m too old to do that,

I need to take care of myself, finally. Me. I come first. Not some stranger on the Internet or the woman picking trash and me encouraging her to come to my house so she could take our cans. Of course, she could take our cans but that’s not really the point. I don’t have to become her to be nice to her, I don’t need to get wrapped up in her life to feel her pain. I do what I can do. I don’t need to borrow her sadness and take it on, we all have sadness in our lives, struggles. Being empathetic is good, taking on everyone’s pain as your own is not.

Of course I feel horrible for the family whose husband has cancer and yes, I donated money, not a lot, but the amount we could afford. I wrote them a note to offer help because that is something I can give but I can’t pretend that this family whom I have never met are my best friends. I don’t know them, I just know that someone’s husband and children’s daddy does not have long to live, for the mother and father and siblings who have to bury him. I am sad for that. For anyone facing that.

I mourned for the little girl who died of cancer who I knew really only from the internet. I became attached to her as many people did. I checked on her status as often as I could. I followed her photographs. There was one photograph that had a lasting impression on me, it looked like she was walking straight into heaven’s door, and she was still alive. Talia Castellano, I still think of you, you definitely have left your mark on the world and on my soul. That is not something I want to ever change.

But, I no longer want to be that quivering duck, hiding in the corner anticipating disaster before it presents itself, worrying before there is something t worry about. As an old friend used to say “Don’t meet worry half way.” No longer a duck, I am a lioness, strong, in control, protective of my loved ones, independent. A lioness, a strong woman, in nature. I have my family, I have my two soul sisters, Ash and Michelle, I have my close friends.

I need more bubble wrap, more of a shield to protect myself instead of always caring too much for others. It can’t continue. My friends know I will be there in a heartbeat, there is no doubt. I need to strengthen MY boundaries and tighten up some rules. Not for you, for me. I want to stay centered and make my life easier. Because, damn it, I deserve it. I am tired of being super sensitive and people, I am sure, are sick of it too. I need a thicker skin, so that annoyances, criticism, hurt feelings will roll off my back like oil and water. I want to be those little beads that form and separate and not get emotionally weighed down all the time. I’m not saying it will be easy or that I won’t get sucked back in sometimes but I am going to make a conscious effort to be aware of it. I need a filter from the outside world, a shield. This is my life too.

Plinky Prompt: Stand By Your…..

My photos that have a creative commons license and are free for everyone to download, edit, alter and use as long as you give me, “D Sharon Pruitt” credit as the original owner of the photo. Have fun and enjoy! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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• Do you feel uncomfortable when you see someone else being embarrassed? What’s most likely to make you squirm? See all answers

• Edit answer |
• May 8, 2013 by hibernationnow

• Stand By Your…Friend, Family…

• Not only do I feel uncomfortable when I see someone who is being ridiculed. I leap into their world automatically becoming “Super-Defender”on behalf of them. I hate to see people put on the spot especially if they are awkward or feel uncomfortable. I feel so bad for them especially if the other person is a bully. I will just fly with my invisible cape and dazzling smile, into the conversation and defend the victim. I’ll make perfect sense, I can argue up a storm and offer a good counter argument as well.
  It’s just when it comes to myself that the answers sometimes come later. I should have been a lawyer, a public defender but it’s a little late for that now. Unless they have done something illegal, I will always defend a friend or a family member, a loved one, no matter what. I think it’s called LOYALTY. There should be more of it in this world.

Who Am I?

I’m a young female who loves to drink, I’ve been very thirsty lately. I shouldn’t like alcohol, everyone said I would hate it but I have to admit I kind of like it in minimal amounts. Not me. I hate to admit it but I’ve been hungry all the time too. My new favorites are Greek yogurt (plain) bananas, and coffee. Oh I know I shouldn’t drink too much coffee and I don’t but the smell overwhelms me and the pretty mug with the bright colors on it make me just want to lick it all up.

You want to know what I look like? I’m a honey-colored blonde with some brunette streaks, I like my nails to be long and stylish. I’m into athletics and I love to run, the faster the better. I’ve been dying to go on races with friends but I have to wait for some injuries to heal. I’m not a very patient being. I have tons of energy but also like to nap, I’m not ashamed of that. Napping, when you can do it, is utterly delicious. Do you want to nap with me sometime?

I don’t like chocolate, though my parents sure do, but I’m a peanut butter addict. The scent of peanut butter intoxicates me. I lick it up as slowly as possible to make it last just a wee bit longer. I like to dance, to cut up a rug, as the “old people” used to say, and I have the most fun playing frisbee. I am an outdoors person and I can’t wait for the weather to be a little warmer so I can swim, just being near water makes me happy. Water, sand, sunshine? LOVE IT!

I run around a lot, I need to be social, my parents don’t like that as much as I do, they worry about me. Today, my mom fell and she lay in the grass but as much as I was tempted to run, I couldn’t. I stayed by her to make sure she was alright and she got all teary-eyed and she kissed me and thanked me. I could tell she was emotional though I am not sure why.

Tomorrow is something they call Mother’s Day and I think, somehow, that should have a lot of meaning for me. Do you give up? Huh? Huh? Do you know who I am?  Aww, by now you must have guessed it, or did I fool you??? It’s me, Lexi, Laurie ‘s (I think that’s her name) puppy but I just call her Mom. Without her and Aunt Sarah picking me from the animal shelter I could still be there, lonely and tired all the time, all alone in my cage. They saved me, and they wanted me, only me! So, even though that holiday that is special is tomorrow, I don’t know why I have to wait till then to say: Mama, Happy Mother’s Day, you saved my life and I hope in some way, I saved yours. Love, from your daughter Pup, Lexi

In a Former Life

Woof, Woof

oh happy dog…

There’s no doubt about it. Woof. I would have been a dog. I will be a dog again. Not only do I like attention but I like giving attention and making humans happy. I’m very loyal and I DON’T have attitude ( like those cats do.) Nope, dogs love people to pieces, we will follow you, lick you, give you kisses and stare at you for food. Just one thing, do not ever betray us. Do not ever hit us, or be mean to us…we don’t like that and it is not in the Dog Code Of Honor. We like those in the “Dog Lover’s Unite” program. I would like to come back as a happy dog with a loving, indulgent family preferably with kids. I want them to get me as a puppy, if possible, and I want to grow up with them and I want them to grow up with me. I will protect them, love them and keep them in my heart forever. That’s what dogs do, it’s what we love to do. Really.