Bonnie Raitt And Me

Saying Goodbye to 20014

I listened to this song a lot last year and now I am sending this song to my brother-in-law

Stu B. and his cousin who are in my thoughts.

Please send some white light to and healing thoughts to his family.

Thank you.



Slipping Xanax Under My Tongue

English: Xanax 0.25, 0.5 and 1 mg scored tablets

English: Xanax 0.25, 0.5 and 1 mg scored tablets (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s a Xanax under my tongue. I’m not proud of it but I’m also not ashamed either. I feel the stirrings of a big anxiety attack about to kick in and I’m trying to head it off at the beginning. I am trying hard to head off having a complete melt down like I had four weeks ago for the same situation so let’s just call this preventive medicine. Preventive psychiatric medicine intervention? That’s a mouthful but I do like the sound of it.

If “my friend,” the always funny and creative blogger, Jennifer Lawson “The Bloggess” can write about Xanax and mental health I sure can too. This isn’t my first posting about anxiety I have plenty of those but in this one I am telling you what I am worried about, out loud in real-time. Maybe that will lessen the anguish, probably it will be just the same. Or maybe I will just worry about worrying. It ‘s anyone’s guess.

There are so many things that are out of my control and they all involve a common theme, as I used to call it “Health and Welfare.” I’m worried about the health of three very important people in my life. Yes, all at the same time. Initially I wrote down who those people are but then I had a funny feeling and I knew that if those people saw this blog they would be mad as heck and I would worry about that too. So, problem solved. These are all my anxieties wrapped up in a tightly knit, wound up ball, the kind you make out of twine, beige, scratchy and unforgiving.

There is an expression in German that my dad used to say and that I have said for years : “nur gesund sein.” Loosely translated, “Just stay healthy, your health is the most important thing.” I really mean it, I’ve never been the type who has needed a wake up call, I’ve been on the edge of that wake up call since I could probably talk. I don’t ever take that for granted but now I’m being tested not with just one thing but many and all at once. I need to rise to the occasion,my fears and worries aside, there is no other choice.

Another thing my dad taught me which frankly is not easy to achieve is staying in Neutral. If we all could do that successfully, we wouldn’t need Xanax or Valium, bags of chocolate or pints of ice cream or whatever your soothing pleasure is. If a cup of tea worked, believe me I’d be sipping it right now. Since I am not sobbing in hysteria, nor am I in ecstatic denial all I can see in my future, tonight, hopefully, is sleep. If I can get that, a good night’s sleep, I will feel that I have accomplished at least a little something.

Those weird protesting people in my stomach are rabble rousing again. They aren’t rioting like they were before, those angry protestors. Now, it’s more like they are marching silently, still carrying signs. But, they are still there, they know it and so do I. I’m truly hoping I can surprise them and wipe them all out before I turn out the lights. Wish me luck. Please.

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Such a Libra (and a Scaredy Cat)

I have no shame. Sometimes I have no judgment. Have been saying NO!!!!!! to the blood in the foot shot for several days now. I whined” It’s my gut instinct”, “don’t want to do it” ,  “it’s experimental”,  “it might lead to  infection”…….blah blah blah. I don’t like myself sometimes. Especially when I found myself dialing the medical group I go to and leaving a message for the nurse to get information about the shot. (WHAT??)  who did that Laurie Me or Laurie Her?  Usually, (actually every single time I try to get through to this medical madness group I am on hold, trying to get through to the nurse for about 30 minutes, plus or minus an hour). Today, of course, went through in ten minutes. Am I nuts? Am I just scared of new things? OR have I been burned so many darn times in the last year and a half that i don’t want to take any chances? (That does sound right…). Have no clue, my friends, what I will end up doing. Dr. Vodemart said it would heal faster if I had the shot…am I just desparate (and rightly so) to want to feel better a week earlier? This is an entry in a Libra’s life (not that there is anything wrong with that and it does not apply to all Libra’s, I am sure….).

Have not had any Haloween candy or chocolate yet. Did have shredded wheat and bran cereal with milk, and fruit on the side. Am trying to drink water again. Am trying to not freak out. Let’s see what happens. You know you will be the first to know.

Good luck to us all !!!